|
Post by Handy on Jan 17, 2019 1:16:33 GMT -5
Ironmaster Can we please have yet another Reformation? I thought we did! You, Shamwow and Greatcoastal are all getting pumped dry on occasion. Isn't that a reformation?
On a serious note, I know some people have medical issues and do not expect everyone to have a regular or normal sex life. Life sometimes hands out lemons and withholds the sugar to make lemon-aid.
|
|
|
Post by h on Jan 17, 2019 8:41:00 GMT -5
If this exact situation happened in our house a few months ago, I would have picked up the remote and skipped the scene. Several times in the past, I have changed the channel on TV or the radio when suggestive scenes or songs came on. Occasionally I would just get up and leave the room for a few minutes. Those were my go-to reactions.
|
|
|
Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 17:37:09 GMT -5
I can fully relate to this situation. Have been there myself. Something simple as a sex scene on TV is a painful reminder of just what you are missing out on and makes you resent your refuser that little more.
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Jan 17, 2019 18:03:42 GMT -5
If there is a "next time" something sexual comes on TV and I am in the room with my W, I am going to say something sililar to "Boy, she really likes the _________________, I wish I was that guy.
At this point, why be shy about stating what you wished you had?
The reason I say this is because I read over and over again where people clam up to avoid any negativity from the spouse. Guess what some refusing spouses say on the "recently Divorced" (mostly women) forum? They say they never heard any complaints from the XH and the D was "out of the blue."
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jan 17, 2019 22:39:54 GMT -5
I can fully relate to this situation. Have been there myself. Something simple as a sex scene on TV is a painful reminder of just what you are missing out on and makes you resent your refuser that little more. In my vase it's "much" more.
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jan 17, 2019 22:48:04 GMT -5
I've stood behind the wife before while she watched Sex in the City. I stood there with my arms folded, just staring in amazement, thinking: you're the most sexless person I know, and you're watching a show that is literally all about sex. Sometimes during a sex scene, if I don't react with awkwardness, I'll react with anger and say something like "yeah, like that happens in real life".
|
|
|
Post by smith227 on Jan 23, 2019 19:32:37 GMT -5
I was watching a movie with my refuser next to me on the couch. He was glued to his phone looking at Facebook per usual and a second scene came on. It was long, loud and incredibly sexy. I watched him the entire time and not once did he look up from his phone. There was a beautiful, nude woman on the obscenely large television whobwas moaning so loudly. Not once did he even notice. I almost couldn’t believe it, but then realized who I was sitting next to. It wasn’t even uncomfortable bc he didn’t even seem to register. I think I could put on full blown porno and he wouldn’t notice.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Jan 23, 2019 20:02:32 GMT -5
Among the wonderful aspects of being in a post SM relationship is not having to cringe when a sex scene comes on. We talk about it, enjoy it, and get ideas to use later.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Jan 24, 2019 8:31:22 GMT -5
I was watching a movie with my refuser next to me on the couch. He was glued to his phone looking at Facebook per usual and a second scene came on. It was long, loud and incredibly sexy. I watched him the entire time and not once did he look up from his phone. There was a beautiful, nude woman on the obscenely large television whobwas moaning so loudly. Not once did he even notice. I almost couldn’t believe it, but then realized who I was sitting next to. It wasn’t even uncomfortable bc he didn’t even seem to register. I think I could put on full blown porno and he wouldn’t notice. This sounds like my asexual & touch-avoidant ex. He either wouldn’t notice or, if he did, he would look down immediately at his phone/laptop/whatever as it made him uncomfortable. In the later years of our marriage I used to watch him exclusively when sexual or even intimate scenes came on (even a Victoria’s Secret commercial!!) and he wound do it every single time. There was actually one instance I can remember where he didn’t have something in his hand for once and a sex scene came on so he was forced to watch it. He made jokes about the male character’s body the entire time. I was bitterly amused that he truly couldn’t just watch something like that and be ok with it.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jan 24, 2019 22:03:08 GMT -5
My wife is extremely uncomfortable watching any movie that has kissing, hot lovemaking or flat out sex in it.
Anyone wanna watch Fifty Shades with me?
|
|
|
Post by apathetic on Jan 25, 2019 0:55:16 GMT -5
I've stood behind the wife before while she watched Sex in the City. I stood there with my arms folded, just staring in amazement, thinking: you're the most sexless person I know, and you're watching a show that is literally all about sex. Sometimes during a sex scene, if I don't react with awkwardness, I'll react with anger and say something like "yeah, like that happens in real life". Interesting, but consider that she may not realize the sarcasm. I remember years ago the subject came up with my wife. The conversation made it VERY clear to me that the "sex" and "romance" seen on TV and in movies NEVER happens in real life. To think those scenes had any connection to reality was the thoughts of a delusional person. I often think about that conversation because it has become so ironic. She now likes to follow several "reality" TV shows. I have explained many times how these shows are basically scripted and heavily edited to be as far from "reality" as you can get. While I think she understands that on some level, I'm sure part of her thinks these people's stories are real. Often, we see what we want and create our own truths.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jan 25, 2019 18:45:55 GMT -5
"Often, we see what we want and create our own truths" - you say Brother apathetic . I reckon you've got that pretty right.
|
|
|
Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 25, 2019 19:33:40 GMT -5
I used to dread this so much that I finally stopped watching anything on television with the Ex. Ultimately including the news as there would be a risk at seeing one of those pharmaceutical commercials that suggested a happy sexual fullfilling life.
|
|
|
Post by lifeinwoodinville on Jan 25, 2019 22:56:24 GMT -5
A couple of years ago my wife and I were hosting a big family dinner. We were discussing television shows, what we liked and what we didn't like. I don't remember specifically what show we were talking about but she says (paraphrasing) "I hate the sex scenes! They are not relevant to the story at all! I wish when they make shows like this they would just leave the sex out." It felt like she had punched me in the gut. The sex scenes she was referring to were very minimal and not graphic at all. I immediately got upset, excused myself from the table, and went to the garage and just cried it out. I felt overwhelmed and smothered, it completely caught me off guard. I know it was just an off hand comment but it just seemed to embody her entire attitude about sex and made me feel terrible.
We rarely watch tv or movies together anymore but on the rare occasions that we do and a sex scene starts I usually get up and leave. I don't want to get excited or aroused when she is around. I know nothing is going to happen and I find that to be very frustrating.
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Jan 25, 2019 23:08:19 GMT -5
Reading all the responses to the "sex scene" if it happens to me, I am going to say Good for them, they will both be happier for the next couple of days. They were probably going to both be crabby if they didn't get it on. Good sex usually calms down most people.
|
|