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Post by smith227 on Jan 11, 2019 21:30:01 GMT -5
Smith227 said: " It drives me insane. He once told me that nothing feels better to a man than the weight of a cat on his chest. I couldn’t even dignify it with a response." !!!!!!!! What are his redeeming qualities? We are pretty good friends when he’s not constantly on the internet. I know he’s not a cheater and I was married to a chronic cheater the first time. I turned 40 this year and feel like I’m aging by the minute and I have to look at the lesser of two evils? Going back into the dating scene where sex is often the only thing valued or staying with someone I do love and am friends with where sex and affection isn’t valued or an option at all. Also, I didn’t think it would turn into this. It’s like he did a complete 180 at some point when I wasn’t looking. I knew from the start that we didn’t really have sex as often as I would like, but what we had was good and we keep different schedules so I thought that was a lot of it. Now he doesn’t even get into bed without holding his laptop.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 11, 2019 21:43:15 GMT -5
Funny...my ex-husband turned out to be gay. He did this and it drove me absolutely bonkers. He was SO DAMN affectionate to the darn CAT!! Of course he wouldn’t touch me. But, he constantly cuddled, stroked, cooed and fawned over the cat. Yuck. I had forgotten how much I despised that behavior in him. It truly made my skin crawl. I second Shammy’s question. Gay? It drives me insane. He once told me that nothing feels better to a man than the weight of a cat on his chest. I couldn’t even dignify it with a response. No. Just...no. Reminds me of a friend’s ex boyfriend who brought a pie to a gathering one time and as he handed it to me exclaimed that “it’s better than sex!!” Yeah. He turned out to be gay.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 11, 2019 22:21:48 GMT -5
Funny...my ex-husband turned out to be gay. He did this and it drove me absolutely bonkers. He was SO DAMN affectionate to the darn CAT!! Of course he wouldn’t touch me. But, he constantly cuddled, stroked, cooed and fawned over the cat. Yuck. I had forgotten how much I despised that behavior in him. It truly made my skin crawl. I second Shammy’s question. Gay? It drives me insane. He once told me that nothing feels better to a man than the weight of a cat on his chest. I couldn’t even dignify it with a response. As for this man, he prefers to be inside of ballofconfusion's pussy than to have it on his chest (unless we are "wrestling") . Oh yes. He is gay.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 11, 2019 22:22:43 GMT -5
Smith227 said: " It drives me insane. He once told me that nothing feels better to a man than the weight of a cat on his chest. I couldn’t even dignify it with a response." !!!!!!!! What are his redeeming qualities? We are pretty good friends when he’s not constantly on the internet. I know he’s not a cheater and I was married to a chronic cheater the first time. I turned 40 this year and feel like I’m aging by the minute and I have to look at the lesser of two evils? Going back into the dating scene where sex is often the only thing valued or staying with someone I do love and am friends with where sex and affection isn’t valued or an option at all. Also, I didn’t think it would turn into this. It’s like he did a complete 180 at some point when I wasn’t looking. I knew from the start that we didn’t really have sex as often as I would like, but what we had was good and we keep different schedules so I thought that was a lot of it. Now he doesn’t even get into bed without holding his laptop. The term is "bait and switch"
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Post by carl on Jan 11, 2019 22:25:05 GMT -5
Hi Just a thought. You don’t have any kids and you haven’t been together all that long - You could just get up and leave. There is nothing he could do to stop you and you would probably be just fine on your own for a while. Might be worth keeping that in mind in case he forgets. Sounds like you are becoming controlled by withdrawal of intimacy.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2019 23:19:39 GMT -5
He may not be gay. It may be that he’s just bored, no reflection on you, but some people can’t sustain and won’t work at a relationship. Run for the hills girlfriend. He’s shown you who he is; believe him.
You sound like me, about 18 years ago, as a newlywed. The sex will only become less and less frequent, trust me.
As someone who is newly on the other side and exponentially happier for it, let me tell you that as scared as you are to leave, you just might find your entire outlook on life and on yourself changes for the better when you lose the dead weight.
I’m happier than I’ve been in 2 decades, since when I met my now ex. I’m rediscovering myself, attaining new goals, making new friends, and flirting with tons of men. My life is FUN! Every single day lately, I wake up just so very glad to be DIVORCED.
It only took me 20 years... I hope you figure it out sooner and are able to go and live your purpose and have joy in your life.
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Post by solodriver on Jan 11, 2019 23:40:37 GMT -5
Funny...my ex-husband turned out to be gay. He did this and it drove me absolutely bonkers. He was SO DAMN affectionate to the darn CAT!! Of course he wouldn’t touch me. But, he constantly cuddled, stroked, cooed and fawned over the cat. Yuck. I had forgotten how much I despised that behavior in him. It truly made my skin crawl. I second Shammy’s question. Gay? My wife talks so nice to the pets but talks to me likes she hates to even do that. Every time I hear her talking to the pets it drives me nuts.
But it's just another daily reaffirmation that I'm on the right path of working my exit plan.
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Post by solodriver on Jan 11, 2019 23:45:04 GMT -5
Funny...my ex-husband turned out to be gay. He did this and it drove me absolutely bonkers. He was SO DAMN affectionate to the darn CAT!! Of course he wouldn’t touch me. But, he constantly cuddled, stroked, cooed and fawned over the cat. Yuck. I had forgotten how much I despised that behavior in him. It truly made my skin crawl. I second Shammy’s question. Gay? It drives me insane. He once told me that nothing feels better to a man than the weight of a cat on his chest. I couldn’t even dignify it with a response. Nothing feels better to me than a woman laying on my chest!
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Post by smith227 on Jan 12, 2019 8:09:04 GMT -5
Hi Just a thought. You don’t have any kids and you haven’t been together all that long - You could just get up and leave. There is nothing he could do to stop you and you would probably be just fine on your own for a while. Might be worth keeping that in mind in case he forgets. Sounds like you are becoming controlled by withdrawal of intimacy. What does being controlled by withdrawal of intimacy consist of? I’m new to this and am learning, so I apologize for any dumb questions.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2019 8:33:35 GMT -5
My wife is very similar. She just loves all over our cats and goes months without sex and days without a peck of a kiss. My two cents for you is that it's not unusual for intimacy avoidant types to be like that with a pet. What they're avoiding is intimacy with a person.
Take everyone's advice, if touch and intimacy are important to you this situation isn't going to change. You can talk it to death, he can seek therapy and it may improve a little for a little while but it will always trend back to his avoidant base.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 12, 2019 9:28:55 GMT -5
"It drives me insane. He once told me that nothing feels better to a man than the weight of a cat on his chest. I couldn’t even dignify it with a response."
Any man who would say (and not be joking) that is not capable of mutually fulfilling physical intimacy with a woman who like physical intimacy. Once you allow yourself to realize this truth, you will know what to do about your marriage.
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Post by carl on Jan 12, 2019 11:44:31 GMT -5
Hi Just a thought. You don’t have any kids and you haven’t been together all that long - You could just get up and leave. There is nothing he could do to stop you and you would probably be just fine on your own for a while. Might be worth keeping that in mind in case he forgets. Sounds like you are becoming controlled by withdrawal of intimacy. What does being controlled by withdrawal of intimacy consist of? I’m new to this and am learning, so I apologize for any dumb questions. I don’t know exactly but say for whatever reason you feel you want to be intimate and your partner doesn’t then I suppose that in most circumstances it doesn’t become a big deal and people just get on with their lives and the situation rights itself with a bit of patience and understanding. But it’s just a hunch I have that in some circumstances the partner who for whatever reason doesn’t want to be so intimate suddenly finds themselves the centre of attention and realises perhaps even subconsciously that they have a kind of hold over someone and yes a sort of power. They have found a vulnerability perhaps which who knows maybe they can’t resist or feel they can’t get control in another way. There must be loads of reasons why people ignore their partners but whatever those reasons are they may not be much to do with anything related to you and if you remember that it will make you feel more positive.
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Post by nyctos on Jan 12, 2019 18:37:48 GMT -5
It drives me insane. He once told me that nothing feels better to a man than the weight of a cat on his chest. I couldn’t even dignify it with a response. Nothing feels better to me than a woman laying on my chest! If I'm going to have a pussy on me, my chest isn't the place I'd want it.
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Post by nyctos on Jan 12, 2019 18:39:42 GMT -5
I suspect he's at the very least ashamed by his performance and it wouldn't take much to make him feel emasculated. And that he might be gay, and in the closet even to himself.
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Post by smith227 on Jan 12, 2019 18:46:06 GMT -5
I suspect he's at the very least ashamed by his performance and it wouldn't take much to make him feel emasculated. And that he might be gay, and in the closet even to himself. Why do you think that?
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