Void of intimacy Jan 11, 2019 11:35:00 GMT -5 via mobile
Post by smith227 on Jan 11, 2019 11:35:00 GMT -5
While sex has never been often with my husband, it was at one time so very intimate the few time that we would have it. After a few months of noticing that we only had sex once a month, twice if I was lucky and pointing it out, the intimacy during sex went away too. It became clumsy and awkward. Then I began to notice that he’d also go weeks without touching me, yet he’s incredibly affectionate with his cats. We never kiss. When we sit next to each other it’s with at least a couple feet of distance and if I accidentally touch him in bed I’m asked to move over. I get the excuse that it’s too hot. But here’s the thing. Around once a month he will rub my back if we sit next to each other on the sofa and I know it’s going to lead to around 5 minutes of sex. It’s like clockwork. I’ve tried to talk to him and tell him I need him to touch me and kiss me and treat me like a romantic partner, and he either turns it into a fight and tells me I’m emasculating him or he says he’ll try and then never does. At this point the maybe once a month sex is more frustrating than anything and I’ve told him that when he tries. I’ve also told him that I never ask him to touch, hold or kiss me anymore and he never just willingly does it, so why would he ask me to to have sex with him the few times he can bring himself to stop playing video games or browsing the internet before 7am and come to bed. And like I said, that happens around once a month and involves him coming to bed around 5 hours after I’ve alrwady gone to bed. He gets in bed and rubs my butt for a couple minutes, doesn’t bother to kiss me or touch me beyond his hand on my Buttcheek and it’s over within a couple minutes. I know he’s not cheating, and we do get along very well as friends. Presently I’ve stopped the infrequent sex that he sometimes throws my way bc I’d rather not have sex at all instead of having that hopeful/rejected feeling all the time that makes me resent him. There’s so much more but I feel like I’m rambling. I’m 40 and he’s 43. We don’t have kids together and we’re both heathy. Then he gets irritated with me when I tell him that I’ve never had a relationship with no physical intimacy and I’m trying to find ways to sustain it. He thinks that the once a month 2 minute sessions with no kissing and little contact constitute a romantic relationship. So, when I don’t feel like being used as a flesh light he says “fine. I guess we’ll just be roommates”. He doesn’t seem to think that we already are just roommates. Roommates that have sex a few times a year. Most recently I was in a car accident that put me in the hospital overnight. He came and stayed with me the entire time but not once did he bother to touch me. He was very supportive with his words, but stayed a good 3 feet from me the entire time. All I wanted was to be held just a little bit. I don’t know what to do besides build up that mental wall and succumb to the fact that we’re more like brother and sister than husband and wife. It’s the only way I don’t constantly feel rejected by him.