The beginning of the end, hopefully :/
Jan 7, 2019 0:06:52 GMT -5
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Vitruvius, amazingk, and 8 more like this
Post by idgaf96 on Jan 7, 2019 0:06:52 GMT -5
Christmas went well. I played the happy wife role as best I could. Gifts were exchanged and family events were attended. The annual trip to the mountain with his family was the same bs as usual and I did it with an overachieving smile. Pictures were taken and put on facebook showing us as the perfect family. The kids were very loved and spoiled perfectly by all. It was pleasantly the worst Christmas in many years. But I kept it in. I enjoyed my time with my littles. I loved seeing their happy faces on Christmas. I also knew when it was all over I'd be heading to see you. I knew I had something to look forward to.
On the 26th you were flying home from Christmas with your kids and family.
I was at your place waiting for you to get home. Anxious and excited to be with you. To be with all of you. When you arrived I knew I was where I was supposed to be, in your arms. You did not disappoint. The sex was amazing and you were as caring and amazing as you always are. I didn't want to leave. I didnt want to go home and pretend.
I finally had to head home after 3 amazing nights.
I arrived at home and it was the same crap. He acted like everything was peachy, like his sister was there, not like I was his wife. I decided I was going to take the kids somewhere. I asked if he wanted to go out of courtesy. I packed a quick bag for me and the kids and said let's go. He then got mad. He said he could shower and come. I looked at him and said I don't want you to come. It just came out. It was on then. Thankfully the kids were in the car. We went back and forth with nonsense for a few minutes then he looked at me. He sat down and stared blankly then asked the real question. The one that could stop time and change our whole life. Are you seeing someone else? I didnt hesitate. Yes. Yes I am. And I think it is time that you move out. He tried to ask who's and whys but I said it didn't matter and went to the car and left. We picked up my mom and had a fun night at the beach playing games and swimming in the pool. I made it one great night.
I felt like I was destroying their whole world. My kids are 12 and 13. They are wonderful little people, they are my world. They are also, I think, to young to truly understand the sexual issues in my marriage and possibly to sheltered to understand what life will look like on the other side of this. I'm sure they have friends from divorced families. I'm sure they see it in the world but not to them. Not to their family. My fear of hurting them in any way has been the reason I have been staying for more than half a decade. They have an amazing life and i wanted to keep it that way. But the time had come. I had to risk it all. I have to be happy. I cant take this horrible marriage and double life anymore.
I had no idea what I would be coming home to. Would he be there? Would he be gone? If he was there would he be angry? Or would he pretend nothing had happened. Before going home I made sure the kids had something to do and dropped them off at their friends house. They knew that their dad was mad at me but that was nothing new. He is a bitter
miserable man and struggles to find anything good in life.
I pulled into the driveway and he was home. I walked in the door and was greeted as if nothing had happened. He was sitting on the couch with a beer watching tv. He acted happy to see me. He even questioned how the beach was with a smile on his face. I was in shock. I dont know why. This isn't the first time I've told him. This isn't the first time I have asked him to leave. The other times were in anger. I figured he thought I was just mad trying to piss him off the other times. This time wasn't in anger it was pure honesty. I asked what are you doing. His simple answer of laundry blew my mind so I reasked with 'what are you doing here' he said I'm not going anywhere. I talked with him. He asked questions about you. About us and said he wasn't leaving and that we could figure it out. He was remarkably calm. Almost scary calm. He said we could all be friends and that he agreed that we were no longer in love. He just didnt want to leave his kids.
After the talk he asked if I wanted to go get dinner. We dropped off some stuff the kids wanted to them and then grabbed some pizza and came home. The whole time I was in a numb almost sick haze. I was stuck in disbelief. How could he be handling it this way. What do I do now. How do I make this happen. I shut down and went along with it. He was friendly and calm the whole time. I was still in shock. Like what the hell is going on. Was this all a show so he could drive me off a cliff??
We got home and he went to bed. I sat on the couch in a daze for a bit and decided I had to leave. I had to go now. So I went out with some friends and had a couple drinks and laughs. They were good company but you knew I needed you and headed straight to me. I got to spend another night with you being loved in the most erotic and compassionate way. You always make me smile. You always treat me like your queen.
The next day was new years eve. We took my dogs for a long walk at the park and we were together. Being with you feels right. No matter what we do. I am at home with you. I want my life to be with you. I want my kids to see how real love is expressed. How 2 people can be without anger and fights.
Well, that afternoon my husband attitude changed he was now angry. He was very angry. He has proceeded to go through many different stages. Up and down and all over. 1 minute he is yelling at me the next he is trying to fuck me which is totally crazy because we have only had sex 1 or 2 times in the last year or so and they were less than memorable.
I've rearranged our bank accounts to protect myself. I'm trying hard to not leave my home. Not for me but for the kids. I will hold out a bit but if he doesnt leave I will have to.
I have been honest to him saying that I am moving forward whether he leaves or not.
I dont know how all this is going to go but i do know that all though it was a tense night for me with so much on my mind. kissing you at 12 am on 1/1/19 was magical.
The kids have more information than I'd like. They are handling it pretty well. They know I'm seeing someone and they seam ok. I hope they are stronger than I fear. I hope this all goes smoothly. I have so many fears it is almost overwhelming. I came home yesterday afternoon and they were all gone and I was sick. I though he had taken them from me. I thought so much negative. They were at a restaurant and left their phones in the car. The stress was just me. I'm trying to get outside and walk more and to not be obsessing over the negative. I'm trying to stay calm and collected. It is so hard.
On the 26th you were flying home from Christmas with your kids and family.
I was at your place waiting for you to get home. Anxious and excited to be with you. To be with all of you. When you arrived I knew I was where I was supposed to be, in your arms. You did not disappoint. The sex was amazing and you were as caring and amazing as you always are. I didn't want to leave. I didnt want to go home and pretend.
I finally had to head home after 3 amazing nights.
I arrived at home and it was the same crap. He acted like everything was peachy, like his sister was there, not like I was his wife. I decided I was going to take the kids somewhere. I asked if he wanted to go out of courtesy. I packed a quick bag for me and the kids and said let's go. He then got mad. He said he could shower and come. I looked at him and said I don't want you to come. It just came out. It was on then. Thankfully the kids were in the car. We went back and forth with nonsense for a few minutes then he looked at me. He sat down and stared blankly then asked the real question. The one that could stop time and change our whole life. Are you seeing someone else? I didnt hesitate. Yes. Yes I am. And I think it is time that you move out. He tried to ask who's and whys but I said it didn't matter and went to the car and left. We picked up my mom and had a fun night at the beach playing games and swimming in the pool. I made it one great night.
I felt like I was destroying their whole world. My kids are 12 and 13. They are wonderful little people, they are my world. They are also, I think, to young to truly understand the sexual issues in my marriage and possibly to sheltered to understand what life will look like on the other side of this. I'm sure they have friends from divorced families. I'm sure they see it in the world but not to them. Not to their family. My fear of hurting them in any way has been the reason I have been staying for more than half a decade. They have an amazing life and i wanted to keep it that way. But the time had come. I had to risk it all. I have to be happy. I cant take this horrible marriage and double life anymore.
I had no idea what I would be coming home to. Would he be there? Would he be gone? If he was there would he be angry? Or would he pretend nothing had happened. Before going home I made sure the kids had something to do and dropped them off at their friends house. They knew that their dad was mad at me but that was nothing new. He is a bitter
miserable man and struggles to find anything good in life.
I pulled into the driveway and he was home. I walked in the door and was greeted as if nothing had happened. He was sitting on the couch with a beer watching tv. He acted happy to see me. He even questioned how the beach was with a smile on his face. I was in shock. I dont know why. This isn't the first time I've told him. This isn't the first time I have asked him to leave. The other times were in anger. I figured he thought I was just mad trying to piss him off the other times. This time wasn't in anger it was pure honesty. I asked what are you doing. His simple answer of laundry blew my mind so I reasked with 'what are you doing here' he said I'm not going anywhere. I talked with him. He asked questions about you. About us and said he wasn't leaving and that we could figure it out. He was remarkably calm. Almost scary calm. He said we could all be friends and that he agreed that we were no longer in love. He just didnt want to leave his kids.
After the talk he asked if I wanted to go get dinner. We dropped off some stuff the kids wanted to them and then grabbed some pizza and came home. The whole time I was in a numb almost sick haze. I was stuck in disbelief. How could he be handling it this way. What do I do now. How do I make this happen. I shut down and went along with it. He was friendly and calm the whole time. I was still in shock. Like what the hell is going on. Was this all a show so he could drive me off a cliff??
We got home and he went to bed. I sat on the couch in a daze for a bit and decided I had to leave. I had to go now. So I went out with some friends and had a couple drinks and laughs. They were good company but you knew I needed you and headed straight to me. I got to spend another night with you being loved in the most erotic and compassionate way. You always make me smile. You always treat me like your queen.
The next day was new years eve. We took my dogs for a long walk at the park and we were together. Being with you feels right. No matter what we do. I am at home with you. I want my life to be with you. I want my kids to see how real love is expressed. How 2 people can be without anger and fights.
Well, that afternoon my husband attitude changed he was now angry. He was very angry. He has proceeded to go through many different stages. Up and down and all over. 1 minute he is yelling at me the next he is trying to fuck me which is totally crazy because we have only had sex 1 or 2 times in the last year or so and they were less than memorable.
I've rearranged our bank accounts to protect myself. I'm trying hard to not leave my home. Not for me but for the kids. I will hold out a bit but if he doesnt leave I will have to.
I have been honest to him saying that I am moving forward whether he leaves or not.
I dont know how all this is going to go but i do know that all though it was a tense night for me with so much on my mind. kissing you at 12 am on 1/1/19 was magical.
The kids have more information than I'd like. They are handling it pretty well. They know I'm seeing someone and they seam ok. I hope they are stronger than I fear. I hope this all goes smoothly. I have so many fears it is almost overwhelming. I came home yesterday afternoon and they were all gone and I was sick. I though he had taken them from me. I thought so much negative. They were at a restaurant and left their phones in the car. The stress was just me. I'm trying to get outside and walk more and to not be obsessing over the negative. I'm trying to stay calm and collected. It is so hard.