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Post by nyctos on Jan 1, 2019 8:48:43 GMT -5
Here's to a hopefully better 2019, in one way or another.
I was in a hotel for new year's, with W. I could hear the couple next door go at it for awhile. So, not really the best start as I steed in resentment.
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Post by workingonit on Jan 1, 2019 15:30:22 GMT -5
Happy New Year! I was at an awesome concert with a friend for NYE. I had a great time. It was rough to see all the couples kissing all around us when midnight rolled around but my friend and I hugged and danced and hugged some strangers and had a great time all in all. This morning I am sore from dancing for hours and my voice is hoarse from singing and cheering- a sure sign of happiness in my books! At the end of November I bought 2 tickets for Sunday night and NYE for a band that I love. I did not have plans who to take. My h saw that I had bought the tickets and asked if he could come to the Sunday night show as he did not want to go to a NYE show and was planning on teaching MOnday night anyway. I of course said sure. That was a month ago. On Sunday morning about 10:30 my h said to me "In light of everything going on with us I don't want to go with you to the show." Luckily I have amazing friends and my bestie was able to go with me for Sunday. I had already made plans to take a different friend for NYE. Then this morning he asked me about the show last night. I was telling him about it and he said "If I had known it would start so late I could have gone with you. I would have liked that." ?? So it looks like 2019 will continue the mindfuckery of 2018. That's ok, I am getting good at ignoring it. Happy New Year all! May it be a year of newness for all of us!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 1, 2019 16:18:03 GMT -5
I'm very glad for you workingonit@, tha the F.O.G. ( Fear, Obligation, Guilt) has lifted! A great beginning for the new year! It's sad to think about how many years we tolerated such abuse, and double standards, isn't it?
Your story reminds me of my therapy with my now ex. I was asked by my psychologist to make plans for a weekend of what I would like. When I announced my plans to my ,then W, -which included her- I was told by her, " that sounds boring".
My response ( with help from our psychologist) was " fine, I'll go alone or with someone else, and I'll have a good time".
To thine own self be true!
I'm hesitant to say this..... It's not bragging, instead it's meant to give you HOPE for your future endeavours!! "This evening will be spent with my new lover, we have already spent a week, and several other days together, at my place, when my kids are not at my house. So tonight, when my kids are at my house, we will have dinner together outdoors (it's a nice 72 tonight here in Fl., go walking on the beach, and she wants to show me the trails at the park across the street from her house. To quote her," you wear something I can unbutton, I'll get you in the woods, and give you a BJ! We will start the new year off right! When I see you Sunday night, at your place, you be naked in the bed waiting for me!"
Keep your eye on the prize. In fact next year your vision will be 2020!! ( pun intended)
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 1, 2019 21:45:51 GMT -5
Oh my, greatcoastal, that is awesome! What a turn-around. There is life on the other side. I had no idea what to expect going into the new year. idgaf96 was still on the six year plan, and I want to augment her life, not make things difficult. We had three nights together after Christmas, and talked about us and new years, how we could casually bump into each other and how could we keep our hands off each other? Well, she decided to ditch the Mission Impossible plans on her way home, and had "the talk" with her husband. It went, um, weird, but she held her ground. Most of her family knows, and the news is trickling through his. The kids will know, soon. That will be the hardest talk of all. The result on our New Years Eve was two fold, in that there was a bit more tension about the immediate future, but, we are stepping out of the shadows. Our new years kiss was pretty public.
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Post by workingonit on Jan 1, 2019 22:33:07 GMT -5
ironhamster love this update! You both deserve to shout your love from the mountain tops!
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Post by nyctos on Jan 1, 2019 22:42:59 GMT -5
Happy New Year! I was at an awesome concert with a friend for NYE. I had a great time. It was rough to see all the couples kissing all around us when midnight rolled around but my friend and I hugged and danced and hugged some strangers and had a great time all in all. This morning I am sore from dancing for hours and my voice is hoarse from singing and cheering- a sure sign of happiness in my books! At the end of November I bought 2 tickets for Sunday night and NYE for a band that I love. I did not have plans who to take. My h saw that I had bought the tickets and asked if he could come to the Sunday night show as he did not want to go to a NYE show and was planning on teaching MOnday night anyway. I of course said sure. That was a month ago. On Sunday morning about 10:30 my h said to me "In light of everything going on with us I don't want to go with you to the show." Luckily I have amazing friends and my bestie was able to go with me for Sunday. I had already made plans to take a different friend for NYE. Then this morning he asked me about the show last night. I was telling him about it and he said "If I had known it would start so late I could have gone with you. I would have liked that." ?? So it looks like 2019 will continue the mindfuckery of 2018. That's ok, I am getting good at ignoring it. Happy New Year all! May it be a year of newness for all of us! I'm really happy for you learning to ignore it, workingonit -- I know I'd be a complete mess in that situation.
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 1, 2019 23:54:24 GMT -5
ironhamster love this update! You both deserve to shout your love from the mountain tops! That is what we want to do, too. We want to be able to let the world know we are in love.
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Post by sadkat on Jan 2, 2019 10:01:04 GMT -5
Happy New Year! workingonit- I’m very happy you had such a great time for NYE. It’s encouraging to know we can celebrate major milestones without our husbands. ironhamster- what a great update. It’s great when two people who love one another can finally get the chance to show it. So glad you both have found happiness with each other. My NYE was the most stressful and saddest one that I can remember. There were many reasons for this which I am not in the position to share just yet. I’m sticking to my New Years resolution to stay true to myself. Hopefully I’ll be in a much better place by the end of 2019!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 2, 2019 16:27:33 GMT -5
Happy New Year! My NYE was the most stressful and saddest one that I can remember. There were many reasons for this which I am not in the position to share just yet. I’m sticking to my New Years resolution to stay true to myself. Hopefully I’ll be in a much better place by the end of 2019! Note to self: It is entirely possible to be a kind, loving person who refuses to tolerate bullshit. In fact it is not only possible, it is absolutely necessary! Keep this in your back pocket for 2019.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2019 12:51:21 GMT -5
My New Year's Eve was spent at home, as my husband requested. I wanted to go out, but he is a homebody. I made a nice dinner and tried to make the house as romantic as possible. *compromise* There was no sex, but cuddling by the fire. Then he was asleep by 10:30pm. The next day I asked for sex. He, in turn, asked to talk. This is foreign to me, as he's never once in our 7 years together offered to have a discussion with me. Apparently there were still some things bothering him from our last big blow up and near split a couple weeks ago that he wanted to talk about. He wanted a "fresh start" to start the new year. Surprised me, but I was more than happy to talk to him. It was a good discussion, things got a little heated, but all stayed in check. We found another truce, each learned a little something more about the other, he took me upstairs and we started off the new year with a bang (pun intended). Still so far from 'fixed', but him being willing to talk to me is huge and I will take it. The snails pace and baby steps are making me crazy at times and I grow impatient, but so long as I keep seeing some sort of willingness on his part, I will take it. I keep speaking my truth and making it known what I need. I still keep pressing the issue but trying to not be unreasonable and push him too far too fast. I've come to realize that we may find ourselves just incompatible. This would be devastating but at least all would have been brought to light and all attempts to save the marriage made. If we end up splitting, I'm more confident it will be amicable and not hateful, as the love it still clear and present. We'd just get to a place where we would have to agree to disagree, agree to stop hurting each other and asking for things the other just cannot provide, hug and say goodbye. So far though, I'm still holding out hope. I'm grateful for a positive start to the new year and just the willingness I now see with him actually talking to me, listening to me, and being willing to work with me a little. Far from a turnaround, but at least we are both walking in the same direction ... at least for the moment. Wishing all my forum friends a wonderful 2019 filled with whatever your own hearts desire most.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 3, 2019 13:26:34 GMT -5
My New Year's Eve was spent at home, as my husband requested. I wanted to go out, but he is a homebody. I made a nice dinner and tried to make the house as romantic as possible. *compromise* There was no sex, but cuddling by the fire. Then he was asleep by 10:30pm. The next day I asked for sex. He, in turn, asked to talk. This is foreign to me, as he's never once in our 7 years together offered to have a discussion with me. Apparently there were still some things bothering him from our last big blow up and near split a couple weeks ago that he wanted to talk about. He wanted a "fresh start" to start the new year. Surprised me, but I was more than happy to talk to him. It was a good discussion, things got a little heated, but all stayed in check. We found another truce, each learned a little something more about the other, he took me upstairs and we started off the new year with a bang (pun intended). Still so far from 'fixed', but him being willing to talk to me is huge and I will take it. The snails pace and baby steps are making me crazy at times and I grow impatient, but so long as I keep seeing some sort of willingness on his part, I will take it. I keep speaking my truth and making it known what I need. I still keep pressing the issue but trying to not be unreasonable and push him too far too fast. I've come to realize that we may find ourselves just incompatible. This would be devastating but at least all would have been brought to light and all attempts to save the marriage made. If we end up splitting, I'm more confident it will be amicable and not hateful, as the love it still clear and present. We'd just get to a place where we would have to agree to disagree, agree to stop hurting each other and asking for things the other just cannot provide, hug and say goodbye. So far though, I'm still holding out hope. I'm grateful for a positive start to the new year and just the willingness I now see with him actually talking to me, listening to me, and being willing to work with me a little. Far from a turnaround, but at least we are both walking in the same direction ... at least for the moment. Wishing all my forum friends a wonderful 2019 filled with whatever your own hearts desire most. That definitely sounds like progress! Communication AND sex, not a bad way to end 2018 and start 2019! I know it's cautious optimism, but if you see the willingness, there is hope. That's great to hear
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2019 13:29:04 GMT -5
My New Year's Eve was spent at home, as my husband requested. I wanted to go out, but he is a homebody. I made a nice dinner and tried to make the house as romantic as possible. *compromise* There was no sex, but cuddling by the fire. Then he was asleep by 10:30pm. The next day I asked for sex. He, in turn, asked to talk. This is foreign to me, as he's never once in our 7 years together offered to have a discussion with me. Apparently there were still some things bothering him from our last big blow up and near split a couple weeks ago that he wanted to talk about. He wanted a "fresh start" to start the new year. Surprised me, but I was more than happy to talk to him. It was a good discussion, things got a little heated, but all stayed in check. We found another truce, each learned a little something more about the other, he took me upstairs and we started off the new year with a bang (pun intended). Still so far from 'fixed', but him being willing to talk to me is huge and I will take it. The snails pace and baby steps are making me crazy at times and I grow impatient, but so long as I keep seeing some sort of willingness on his part, I will take it. I keep speaking my truth and making it known what I need. I still keep pressing the issue but trying to not be unreasonable and push him too far too fast. I've come to realize that we may find ourselves just incompatible. This would be devastating but at least all would have been brought to light and all attempts to save the marriage made. If we end up splitting, I'm more confident it will be amicable and not hateful, as the love it still clear and present. We'd just get to a place where we would have to agree to disagree, agree to stop hurting each other and asking for things the other just cannot provide, hug and say goodbye. So far though, I'm still holding out hope. I'm grateful for a positive start to the new year and just the willingness I now see with him actually talking to me, listening to me, and being willing to work with me a little. Far from a turnaround, but at least we are both walking in the same direction ... at least for the moment. Wishing all my forum friends a wonderful 2019 filled with whatever your own hearts desire most. That definitely sounds like progress! Communication AND sex, not a bad way to end 2018 and start 2019! I know it's cautious optimism, but if you see the willingness, there is hope. That's great to hear @deadzone ... thank you! Cautious optimism for sure. Fingers crossed and I will certainly keep everyone posted.
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Post by isthisit on Jan 3, 2019 14:11:44 GMT -5
Fingers crossed for you here too. Lovely to hear. Whatever the eventual outcome, you will always know that you gave your relationship every opportunity.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2019 14:43:50 GMT -5
Fingers crossed for you here too. Lovely to hear. Whatever the eventual outcome, you will always know that you have your relationship every opportunity. Exactly isthisit ... just making sure there are no regrets or "what ifs" should it all go sour ... sll the while, of course, hoping for a miracle.
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Post by ggold on Jan 3, 2019 18:02:10 GMT -5
Oh my, greatcoastal , that is awesome! What a turn-around. There is life on the other side. I had no idea what to expect going into the new year. idgaf96 was still on the six year plan, and I want to augment her life, not make things difficult. We had three nights together after Christmas, and talked about us and new years, how we could casually bump into each other and how could we keep our hands off each other? Well, she decided to ditch the Mission Impossible plans on her way home, and had "the talk" with her husband. It went, um, weird, but she held her ground. Most of her family knows, and the news is trickling through his. The kids will know, soon. That will be the hardest talk of all. The result on our New Years Eve was two fold, in that there was a bit more tension about the immediate future, but, we are stepping out of the shadows. Our new years kiss was pretty public. I pop in and out of the forum and just read your news ironhamster ! Wishing you and idgaf96 much happiness! When did this all happen??? :-) G
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