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Post by carl on Dec 30, 2018 5:32:41 GMT -5
The question of the day recently got me thinking. Feeling loved ? I might be more particular than I thought when I realised that what I like is a very gentle quiet approach. An arm on my shoulder (when I am sitting down) feels so good. What makes other people feel loved ?
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Post by michael on Dec 30, 2018 5:35:44 GMT -5
Appreciating the sacrifice I had to make as a man and provider to keep the household going and working with me to make things easier to cope with these sacrifices.
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Post by michael on Dec 30, 2018 5:37:27 GMT -5
Arm on my shoulder? As if that is going to happen. It would feel like a farce anyways.
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Post by choosinghappy on Dec 30, 2018 6:51:49 GMT -5
I agree with just having him reach a hand out to touch my arm or leg. Something to let me know he notices and appreciates my presence.
An obvious effort to think about me or put me first makes me feel loved. Like, getting something different at the grocery store that he thought I might like. Or, something like a little post it note stuck to the mirror. Simple things to let me know I’m on his mind.
Being paid attention to. Wanting to talk and connect. Looking at me and not focusing on his phone instead.
I think these answers will differ for everyone based on their ranking of the 5 Love Languages. (There are some threads on that if you search.) For me, touch, words of affirmation, and quality time are the biggest ways I receive love.
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Post by flounder on Dec 30, 2018 12:45:15 GMT -5
I agree with just having him reach a hand out to touch my arm or leg. Something to let me know he notices and appreciates my presence. An obvious effort to think about me or put me first makes me feel loved. Like, getting something different at the grocery store that he thought I might like. Or, something like a little post it note stuck to the mirror. Simple things to let me know I’m on his mind. Being paid attention to. Wanting to talk and connect. Looking at me and not focusing on his phone instead. I think these answers will differ for everyone based on their ranking of the 5 Love Languages. (There are some threads on that if you search.) For me, touch, words of affirmation, and quality time are the biggest ways I receive love. Ditto.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 30, 2018 13:35:52 GMT -5
I don’t think I even know anymore.
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Post by Handy on Dec 30, 2018 14:40:26 GMT -5
What actions would make me feel loved or appreciated?
Reach out and hold my hand would be a start. Putting her hand in my back pocket and coping a feel would even be better.
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Post by workingonit on Dec 30, 2018 14:44:06 GMT -5
I can read all your answers and think "yes, that would make me feel loved." But on my own, in my own mind, I literally cannot generate a thought on that. I just have no idea what I need to feel loved. It has been so long since I felt that.
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Post by Handy on Dec 30, 2018 14:56:51 GMT -5
workingoni, I only posted some minor things as a start to feel loved. What would a simple thing or act from someone consist of so you started to feel loved? I am guessing many of the ILIASM folks have been starves so long it is difficult to name some loving actions.
After we list just something simple, later we could expand the "I feel loved list."
In my case if I had a woman in my life and she wanted to touch me like she wanted to be attached to me, like hand holding, her hand on my leg or around my waist, that would indicate to me she really liked me. Some people are huger's and I could go for that but most hugs are over rather quickly so that doesn't last. I am speculating hand holding and other longer touching is more satisfying. Some touching might be annoying, like my W used to do a long time ago, was to play with my ear lobes and pull on them. I felt like I was her pet cat, not her lover.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 30, 2018 15:36:42 GMT -5
From a lover:
Being made love to by a man who obviously delights in my body and in pleasing me. Being told, "I love you," in a heartfelt way. Being kissed or hugged or caressed for no reason.
From a relative or platonic friend:
Being listened to deeply and being welcomed for being my quirky, flawed self Getting the benefit of a person's time The person's being kind to my children
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Post by deadzone75 on Dec 30, 2018 18:11:59 GMT -5
The question of the day recently got me thinking. Feeling loved ? I might be more particular than I thought when I realised that what I like is a very gentle quiet approach. An arm on my shoulder (when I am sitting down) feels so good. What makes other people feel loved ? I already feel loved, in the sense I know she genuinely loves me. But I don't feel desired, and that's what is killing me. In my opinion, love means nothing if there is no desire. Just loving someone means you are either their family or their really good friend.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 30, 2018 18:40:03 GMT -5
I agree with just having him reach a hand out to touch my arm or leg. Something to let me know he notices and appreciates my presence. An obvious effort to think about me or put me first makes me feel loved. Like, getting something different at the grocery store that he thought I might like. Or, something like a little post it note stuck to the mirror. Simple things to let me know I’m on his mind. Being paid attention to. Wanting to talk and connect. Looking at me and not focusing on his phone instead. I think these answers will differ for everyone based on their ranking of the 5 Love Languages. (There are some threads on that if you search.) For me, touch, words of affirmation, and quality time are the biggest ways I receive love. To love and be loved - what more could anyone ask for?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2018 22:01:17 GMT -5
The question of the day recently got me thinking. Feeling loved ? I might be more particular than I thought when I realised that what I like is a very gentle quiet approach. An arm on my shoulder (when I am sitting down) feels so good. What makes other people feel loved ? I already feel loved, in the sense I know she genuinely loves me. But I don't feel desired, and that's what is killing me. In my opinion, love means nothing if there is no desire. Just loving someone means you are either their family or their really good friend. @deadzone .... EXACTLY! Roommates or loved like he loves his mother. It's devastating to me not feeling genuinely wanted and desired.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 30, 2018 22:32:59 GMT -5
"I already feel loved, in the sense I know she genuinely loves me. But I don't feel desired, and that's what is killing me. In my opinion, love means nothing if there is no desire. Just loving someone means you are either their family or their really good friend."
For me, romantic love includes being sexually desired. Otherwise, romantic love would be the same as the love one feels for one's relatives or close friends. It's meaningless to me if my romantic partner has only nonsexual love for me.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2018 23:18:31 GMT -5
I'm not sure I really require anything to make me feel loved anymore. I would settle for "stop being a bitch to our adult children" or "just leave me alone when I'm happy"
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