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Post by northstarmom on Jan 1, 2019 14:31:38 GMT -5
Married women looking to have affairs might want to date another married person.
Prospective sugar babies would be happy to date a generous married man.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 2, 2019 18:23:56 GMT -5
michael. I don’t think dating sites would work because think about it what woman would want to go on a date with a married guy. I can’t think of anyone and if I put myself in a woman’s position I wouldn’t want to. If a woman is on a dating site I imagine she would want to meet a single guy. Equally a married woman generally speaking as far as I can think would feel very uncomfortable meeting a guy with the prospect of there being any kind of sexual motive. I am not a woman but as far as I can think that would feel very unsettling. It doesn’t seem right or fair but I think these are the facts. Whether that’s right like I said I can’t say. Hence the sexless marriage situation. And that’s why a sexless marriage is so fucked up whether you are a man or a woman. Because marriage has all the right structure for having sex comfortably, without any worry or stress. The odds of you finding a sexual partner whilst you are married are very low. Hence the exit strategy, divorce and the law. ice cream sounds good though. Can’t see how that could be seen as cheating. I would go for ice cream with a friend - wouldn’t bother me what anyone thought. I dunno. If I wanted to blackmail some poor schmuck a dating site looking for a married man sound just about perfect. Hell you don't even have to sleep with the guy. Just SAY you did. Bonus!
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Post by shamwow on Jan 2, 2019 18:25:56 GMT -5
Married women looking to have affairs might want to date another married person. Prospective sugar babies would be happy to date a generous married man. Wouldn't a sugar baby prefer an unmarried man? The sugar goes further when there isn't a pesky wife in the way.
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Post by flounder on Jan 2, 2019 18:51:28 GMT -5
Damn those pesky wives !
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 2, 2019 19:32:12 GMT -5
"Wouldn't a sugar baby prefer an unmarried man? The sugar goes further when there isn't a pesky wife in the way."
The sugar baby cares about the amount of money, not whether or not the man is married. Typically he is married -- and generous. The sugar baby isn't in it for love or a committed relationship, just money. If his life gets messed up, that's his problem, not her problem.
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Post by carl on Jan 2, 2019 21:18:53 GMT -5
There is no extra marital sexual situation that is likely to work and all could cause a lot of damage. If anyone knows of one please say. I can’t see a happy sexual relationship after divorce or separation either. In fact I would see it as being as likely fail. I believe people can change more than I believe in the alternatives.
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Post by workingonit on Jan 2, 2019 21:24:10 GMT -5
There is no extra marital sexual situation that is likely to work and all could cause a lot of damage. If anyone knows of one please say. I can’t see a happy sexual relationship after divorce or separation either. In fact I would see it as being as likely fail. I believe people can change more than I believe in the alternatives. Are you believing that you will change or that your wife will? I believe I can change my life.
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Post by carl on Jan 2, 2019 21:36:47 GMT -5
I believe that both my wife and I can change and that there may be things that could help. I don’t believe I would have a lasting love now elsewhere in the future because of my loyalty to my wife. I think you can do anything you believe in but I have never believed in relationships after marriage.
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Post by Handy on Jan 2, 2019 21:40:32 GMT -5
Carl I can’t see a happy sexual relationship after divorce or separation either.So Shamwow and BOC aren't happy? And Greatcoastal's new GF sound hot for now? While i don't believe in a "sole-mate or "the special one" I do think some people work out better as a partner than others. I agree with what I bolded if a poster still has a bunch of work to do on them-self. I know I have more "ME WORK" to do but I don't rule out life could be better with someone more compatible and compatibility is a big thing to me. I might be wrong but that is what I have to go on.
Carl, you are correct but both people have to work on the marriage and the reason it was sexless. Not everyone can do that. What you wish for is what most people her wished for.
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Post by carl on Jan 2, 2019 22:01:35 GMT -5
It’s not an objective or rational believe perhaps but just personally I have seen worse problems with relationships after divorce to an extent that I would not try it. So it wouldn’t be for me. Also I think that I would always feel a tie to my first wife. Just how I am. But everyone is different.
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Post by Handy on Jan 2, 2019 22:24:42 GMT -5
Carl Also I think that I would always feel a tie to my first wife.
That is completely understandable.
Several posters on this site and other forums have said "I love my spouse but I can't live like this any longer." The question with this in mind, what does the person do next?
I also have read (for 10+ years) where people say they will never marry and some say they will never date again. Some stick to their statements and most don't.
What ever you decide to do is OK. I think the advice from the forum is you can hope your spouse will change to something more to your liking but it often does not happen, so be prepared for what is going to happen or what isn't going to happen, like you wanted it to turn out.
I will agree with one of your ideas, new relationships start out good but some do not stay that way and then people find them self in another mess. It looks as if life and relationships are both gambles and need constant tweaking.
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Post by baza on Jan 2, 2019 22:28:08 GMT -5
There is no extra marital sexual situation that is likely to work and all could cause a lot of damage. If anyone knows of one please say. I can’t see a happy sexual relationship after divorce or separation either. In fact I would see it as being as likely fail. I believe people can change more than I believe in the alternatives. I think that if a person in an ILIASM deal has leaving under consideration, it has to be a choice that stands up all by itself as being in your longer term best interests. In short, that you'd be happier OUT of the ILIASM environment than you are IN the ILIASM environment. That you'd be happier single than you are married. If you were to take this drastic step, and leave, what might happen in your life is unknown and unknowable. All leaving does is end an old problem. And, at the same time, present you with a whole new raft of problems (those of a single person) Which set of problems do you want ? Those of an unhappily married person - or those of a single ? They are both perfectly legitimate choices, There's no such option as "not having any problems".
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Post by carl on Jan 2, 2019 22:37:31 GMT -5
I would rather have the problems of a single person but I am not sure that I would ever feel single again. My worst nightmare would be problems cropping up in a new relationship with sad memories or regret from an old one.
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Post by baza on Jan 2, 2019 23:19:38 GMT -5
I would rather have the problems of a single person but I am not sure that I would ever feel single again. My worst nightmare would be problems cropping up in a new relationship with sad memories or regret from an old one. An alternate viewpoint for you Brother carl . You have survived the crucible of an ILIAM deal up to now, with all the attendent problems that involves. I should imagine that you have learned an absolute heap about human nature and yourself as a result. If some new relationship emerged for you after you divorced, and if it went along ok for a while, but then went guts up, you might find you would handle such an event way better than you might think. Anyway - all theory and hypothesis I guess.....but I do think that one thing ILIAM deals have going for them is the opportunity to learn an absolute heap about human nature, and oneself.....though it is likely to benefit the next relationship, not the current one.
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Post by carl on Jan 2, 2019 23:34:13 GMT -5
Carl Also I think that I would always feel a tie to my first wife.That is completely understandable. Several posters on this site and other forums have said "I love my spouse but I can't live like this any longer." The question with this in mind, what does the person do next? I also have read (for 10+ years) where people say they will never marry and some say they will never date again. Some stick to their statements and most don't. What ever you decide to do is OK. I think the advice from the forum is you can hope your spouse will change to something more to your liking but it often does not happen, so be prepared for what is going to happen or what isn't going to happen, like you wanted it to turn out. I will agree with one of your ideas, new relationships start out good but some do not stay that way and then people find them self in another mess. It looks as if life and relationships are both gambles and need constant tweaking. The sad truth is that few people manage to successfully change their partners behaviour. But I still worry that I have damaged the sex in our relationship. Did I look at another woman the wrong way ? did I speak too fondly of an old flame ? have I been unintentionally moody or ignored my wife ? might I in some way have triggered this problem ? Have I undermined her self confidence ? It’s impossible for me to say. So I could never leave her in case it was all my fault. If she left me it would be a bit different but I would still be desperate to know she was ok. My thoughts at the moment are that she finds it easy to get my attention by being cold and uninterested in me and she has a kind of strange warmth in her coldness and a hidden attention in her paucity of it. So I want to try to show her that I like people more if they are optimistic and kind. And that her game is not fun for me. I am probably partly to blame for going to her everytime she moans about me. So I have to change in that way and not do that. It will take time because it took time but it’s gathering pace already.
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