Post by darktippedrose on Dec 18, 2018 15:45:30 GMT -5
So, my step-daughter has been living with us for over a year. She's 21. We're religious. She buys her own pork. I won't buy that for her anymore.
She buys her own alcohol. I don't want it in my house. I refused to open in up for her and she just goes to her dad.
If I say no, she says she'll go ask her dad. And he usually lets her do whatever she wants. And she usually comes down with an evil look on her face. My daughter Z (13) says he's nicer to my step-daughter than he is to me. She is going back and forth between wanting a hug from her dad and wanting his love and approval to wondering why he's so mean. And nice to everyone else.
My step-daughter thought that I'm wrong for wanting my daughter to have a better man than her dad (far off future). She thinks her dad is awesome.
And sometimes, I think they're both sociopaths.
and even though she can be helpful, sometimes I just can't deal with the added stress.
DTR, I hope you're doing well. I come on here some times and like hearing how you're doing because you're not in a good place. I hope you can take some good steps for yourself. I feel for your youth, people do not change. I hope you can find support in your family to try make baby steps to get your needs met.
1. Your spouse is as unlikely to love you more than the 21 yrs old as you're unlikely to love your spouse more than your 13 yrs old one. That's just biology most SANE folks love the kids more than the spouse. OTOH your spouse DOES promote a "difference of affections between the 2 girls" and "environment inconsistent between the 2 girls" that is unlikely to change.
2. Sociopaths probably yes, insofar they put THEMSELVES FIRST.
I'd recommend an experiment - IF YOU CAN, Try being a sociopath for a week put YOURSELF FIRST, and see how it feels. I have done that and it felt GREAT.
Your eyes cannot see, what your mind does not know.
I'm a firm believer that our role as parents is to love, nourish, shelter, protect, mentor, and guide our children in life, not dictate and force our views on them. There are some rules that we as parents should stand firm on, such as treat each other with dignity and respect. However, everyone should be free to choose their food, music, clothes, hair style, religion (or lack there of), education, career path, friends, partners, etc. (age appropriate of course).
I haven’t read your story, so forgive me if I'm off base here.
My initial thought from reading your post is that your step daughter is 21 and of free will. She buys her own pork and alcohol, but that goes against your religious beliefs. This doesn’t sound all that bad to me, and certaintly isn’t remotely close to “getting away with murder”. Having a beer and a pork chop isn’t going to cause her to “veer of course into the ditch”. My view is that a healthy parental role in this specific case is to suggest that if she chooses to drink alcohol at a legal age to do so moderately and safely, helping her to know and understand her limits and the consequences of her choices, and to eat healthy, not forbade both choices simply because of YOUR religious views. Of course, you should also feel free to share the benefits of your religious views and choices with her (assuming you chose freely too) in a positive and healthy manner as well.
Hope I didn’t offend, as that certaintly wasn’t my intent.
Success is a few simple disciplines, practiced every day, while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day. A victim mentality ensures you are always the victim. A victor mentality gives you a fighting chance at survival.
Post by darktippedrose on Dec 27, 2018 2:15:45 GMT -5
I would be as upset about it, if she could have her alcohol in a small refrigerator in her own room. Yes, she buys it herself. But as a religious person, its a no go. Hes being hypocritical. Enforcing super high standards on us, but encouraging bad stuff with her.
and its not just that, he's way nicer with his oldest daughter, than any of the kids that we've had together.
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! So glad to hear you had a great day
Jan 19, 2019 16:34:01 GMT -5
worksforme2: anyone hear anything lately from mrslowmaintenance or smartkat?
Jan 24, 2019 18:06:02 GMT -5
petrushka: Just saw the forecast for Mildura at 47C -- I hope you and Ms. Enna are going to be ok Baz. That's getting dangerous.
Jan 24, 2019 20:10:00 GMT -5
lifeinwoodinville: I last heard from mrslowmaintenance about a month ago. I have been in regular contact with her for the last year and a half. I feel comfortable in saying that her situation remains unchanged. If you want to know more PM me.
Jan 25, 2019 22:36:50 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey baza,...I know it's hot and dry down under. N.C. is having record rainfall. I would gladly trade some rain for some sunshine....
Feb 22, 2019 20:28:35 GMT -5
tamara68: Today it's steak and blowjob day! I suppose the steak is for those who don't get a blowjob.
Mar 14, 2019 16:49:49 GMT -5
petrushka: tamara68 Laughing with tears in my eyes. And my steak is going to be semolina gruel, due to some tummy upset :-\
Mar 15, 2019 1:11:10 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: So sad to hear the news from New Zealand. Boston Strong supports Kiwi Strong!!
Mar 15, 2019 7:46:22 GMT -5
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5