|
Post by baza on Jan 18, 2019 1:00:26 GMT -5
We have wandered off a bit to the OP, but this "zingers" sidebar is familiar to me - I was a great exponent of the "zinger" back in the day. But I would note that the "zinger" was of no value what-so-ever in assisting bringing the marriage to resolution. I'll repeat that - NO VALUE WHAT-SO-EVER.
And FWIW, these things were about as equally useless - - begging/pleading - emotional outbursts - rational arguement - giving her 'the silent treatment' - getting snippy with her ....assorted other tactics I trialled.
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Jan 18, 2019 17:04:16 GMT -5
Northstarmom Throwing zingers instead of clearly stating what you want is an example of being contemptuous toward our partner, and it's the most lethal of what Dr. John Gottman, one of the world's experts on marriages, says are the signs that predict divorce. He has said that once contempt is a form of communication then a couple is likely to divorce within 5 years.I agree 100% NSM.
Ask for or state what you want. The answer does not have to be what you want it to be but you will have an answer that will guide your future.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2019 17:38:33 GMT -5
Northstarmom Throwing zingers instead of clearly stating what you want is an example of being contemptuous toward our partner, and it's the most lethal of what Dr. John Gottman, one of the world's experts on marriages, says are the signs that predict divorce. He has said that once contempt is a form of communication then a couple is likely to divorce within 5 years.I agree 100% NSM.
Ask for or state what you want. The answer does not have to be what you want it to be but you will have an answer that will guide your future. Yes ... I am responsible for asking for and stating my needs. My husband is not responsible for reading my mind. To that end, I am also the one responsible for my own happiness and sexual (and otherwise) satisfaction. This fact, I am slowly learning and learning how to put into practice. Doing so helps me reclaim my power and feel less like a victim, hopeless, and waiting for my husband to grace me with his attention.
|
|