Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2018 19:28:22 GMT -5
I was stressed out and asked my husband for some time with him tonight to help me relax. He told me "maybe on Christmas Eve". My jaw dropped and I was stunned. I said I know the kids are home, but that it's silly that we never have sex when the kids are home. I said I would really like some time with him tonight. He said no. After about an hour of trying to be calm the fight started. He just left. It's over. I've never been so humiliated in my life. Maybe Christmas Eve? Can't believe I held on this long. What a fool I have been.
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Post by Handy on Dec 14, 2018 19:37:59 GMT -5
((((( whynotm3 ))))))
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Post by carl on Dec 14, 2018 22:20:12 GMT -5
That sounds awfully hurtful. I don’t know how you put up with it. I would have said that I was too busy on Christmas Eve helping Father Christmas and then explain that his presents got lost.
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catsloveme
Full Member
Dwelling in the possible
Posts: 207
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Post by catsloveme on Dec 14, 2018 23:03:27 GMT -5
OMG. “Maybe on Christmas Eve”? The next time he asks you for something you should respond, “Maybe on (month / day that is ten days from now).” and walk away. And keep walking. What a jerk. What. A. Jerk.
Sending a virtual hug and support. Please let us know what happens next.
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catsloveme
Full Member
Dwelling in the possible
Posts: 207
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Post by catsloveme on Dec 14, 2018 23:41:34 GMT -5
Oh wow. I just read your other post on the QOTD thread. It sounds like you really are done. Stay strong. Lots of support here. Better days are ahead.
(Maybe this is the cosmos giving you a huge Christmas present—your freedom and healing... just a thought.)
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Post by baza on Dec 15, 2018 0:42:39 GMT -5
The next thing that tends to happen in these situations of "ring throwing" and "anger" and one of the spouses "walking out", is that one of them has second thoughts fairly quickly, and moves toward hosing the situation down and returning things to the status quo.
Choices made in the immediate flash of anger are often not sustainable. As the anger abates, oftentimes so does the will to go through all the shit that parting ways involves. It is far easier to ask for (or agree to) "last chance #17".... particularly if you do not have an exit status in do-able shape, your support network is not shored up, if you do not have a solid plan to assist your kids transition through such an event. And with Xmas just about on us, apply a factor of 2 to the difficulty level.
However, Sister @whynotm3 opportunity has knocked and whereas your (or for that matter - his) preparation might not be as full and detailed as it could have been, this is a golden opportunity to start the process to bring the situation to resolution. It is sure going to test your resolve as it unfolds. Good luck.
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Post by choosinghappy on Dec 15, 2018 17:13:32 GMT -5
Oh wow. I just read your other post on the QOTD thread. It sounds like you really are done. Stay strong. Lots of support here. Better days are ahead. (Maybe this is the cosmos giving you a huge Christmas present—your freedom and healing... just a thought.) YES. Merry Christmas to you. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it. He is an ass.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 15, 2018 18:18:16 GMT -5
OMG, I would LOVE for my wife to ask me for that. Instead we're really not talking at this point other than logistical stuff. I have to relieve my own stress.
Seems you're husband and my wife ought to be together, that way they won't have to bother each other, lol.
I hope that you can find some peace and joy somehow during this time of year. Maybe next year will be your year to have someone to ask for stress relief and he would EAGERLY oblige your wishes. I'm hoping the same for myself (except in my case a lady - lol).
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Post by worksforme2 on Dec 15, 2018 18:56:41 GMT -5
If you have read much in your relatively short time here you know that virtually every member here has tried to coach, cajole or plead with their partners to have sex with them. The results were often as not the same as yours. I wish I had a dollar for every time my X said no or put me off with the promise of "later". At least you aren't being strung along with "reset" set and made to hope that somehow, someway things will be different. Our refusers have a seemingly infinite # of reasons for saying no. You haven't been a fool. You have been someone who loved and cared for their spouse and did all you could to make the marriage work. Many of us here did the same thing, thinking if only we tried one more thing, made one more change, had one more talk we could find the magic bullet that would make it all come right. Unfortunately uncovering the secret of success is so rare it can almost be counted on one hand. I'm sorry it has come to this realization for you. But better now than 10 or 20 more years down the road.
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Post by Handy on Dec 15, 2018 20:27:52 GMT -5
whynotm3 the idea of your H not being able to engage in intimacy was brought up. I will throw in something I read a few times when I was reading a forum for people in affairs. Some men and women needed new partners on a regular basis to stay interested in continuing the affair. The stable relationship got boring to them and some people admitted to the concept of "New Relationship energy" or simply NRE making sex exciting again. A more scientific for NRE is Limerence.
Limerence, as posited by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, is an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person (the limerent object). Limerence can often be what is meant when one expresses "having a crush" on someone else although limerence, unlike a crush, can last months, years or even a lifetime
Perhaps your STBXH is one of the those people that needs NRE to feel excited about having sex, hence his ability to fuck 6 other women he barely knows.
Well, not your problem, so don't give it much thought other than most likely he is selfish.
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Post by tirefire on Dec 15, 2018 20:41:10 GMT -5
solodriver - "Seems you're husband and my wife ought to be together, that way they won't have to bother each other, lol." Might as well throw my wife in for a weird sexless threesome. 😂 I'm sure some others here would donate a spouse to the group. It could be like a big sexless hippy commune. Ok, I'm off topic.
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Done ....
Dec 15, 2018 20:44:14 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by tirefire on Dec 15, 2018 20:44:14 GMT -5
@whynotm3 - Your husband sounds like a dick. I'm sorry this is happening to you right before Christmas.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 15, 2018 21:24:18 GMT -5
solodriver - "Seems you're husband and my wife ought to be together, that way they won't have to bother each other, lol." Might as well throw my wife in for a weird sexless threesome. 😂 I'm sure some others here would donate a spouse to the group. It could be like a big sexless hippy commune. Ok, I'm off topic. tirefire,
I remember a while back a member "wingman" suggested he wanted to have an island where all of us in SMs could go to meet each other and enjoy life again. We threw him quite a few suggestions for activities that we could have there.
Maybe what your suggestion is an island for the refusers to gather. I know this is off the topic but funny to think about. Could be called "Refuser Island - The Saddest Place on Earth!"
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catsloveme
Full Member
Dwelling in the possible
Posts: 207
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Post by catsloveme on Dec 15, 2018 21:31:15 GMT -5
solodriver - "Seems you're husband and my wife ought to be together, that way they won't have to bother each other, lol." Might as well throw my wife in for a weird sexless threesome. 😂 I'm sure some others here would donate a spouse to the group. It could be like a big sexless hippy commune. Ok, I'm off topic. tirefire,
I remember a while back a member "wingman" suggested he wanted to have an island where all of us in SMs could go to meet each other and enjoy life again. We threw him quite a few suggestions for activities that we could have there.
Maybe what your suggestion is an island for the refusers to gather. I know this is off the topic but funny to think about. Could be called :Refuser Island - The Saddest Place on Earth!"
I wish there was more than just a thumbs-up button on this thing. We need emojis.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 15, 2018 23:11:22 GMT -5
I was stressed out and asked my husband for some time with him tonight to help me relax. He told me "maybe on Christmas Eve". My jaw dropped and I was stunned. I said I know the kids are home, but that it's silly that we never have sex when the kids are home. I said I would really like some time with him tonight. He said no. After about an hour of trying to be calm the fight started. He just left. It's over. I've never been so humiliated in my life. Maybe Christmas Eve? Can't believe I held on this long. What a fool I have been. I’m so sorry! That is so insensitive! You’ve already received a lot of good advice so I’ll just extend a virtual hug! Be strong and know you have us to vent to should you need an outlet.
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