Well Brother deadzone75 , maybe looking at it this way might help.....
What ever choice you make you are absolutely guaranteed that with the choice comes problems. There is no choice that does not also come with problems.
If you choose (or just float on) staying you have the largely intractable problems that come with being in an ILIASM shithole. If you choose leaving, then that comes with the problems of being single.
You are already very familiar with the problems of being in an ILIASM shithole. You are possibly nowhere near as well informed at the moment about the problems of being single.
It comes down to which set of problems you'd sooner have, and that is a judgement call.
Someone like Brother thebaffledking may choose to take on the problems of being single (a perfectly valid choice) Someone like Brother solodriver may choose to continue to take on the problems of being in an ILIASM deal (every bit as valid a choice)
All I'd suggest is that you make your choice on as fully informed a basis as you can. That might involve you in a bit of research.
At first, tracking seemed petty to me. I’m not one to “keep score” or to dwell on past hurts. But I’ve realized that there’s tremendous value in recording events as objectively as possible and having that to refer back to when I need a reality check. Otherwise, I can get spun up in doubting what is real.
I also started tracking for my own sanity. Turned out, we were more frequent than I thought. But, of course, less frequent than she thought. And that changed a lot over the years.
For one, it gave me some awareness that I need reinforcement at least every ~3 days to stay happy with the relationship. Not necessarily sex, but quality closeness.
Also telling is what you track, because it highlights what you’re missing. Sex, foreplay, touch, kissing. When you’re down to tracking kisses, it’s kinda grim.