Post by workingonit on Dec 9, 2018 17:47:10 GMT -5
So as I creep slowly (sooo sllllooowwwlllyy) toward an exit strategy I continue my ongoing self work. Recently in therapy I stumbled on some painful and old feelings. I believe in some deep recess of my unconscious that I am a failure at being a wife. I have failed at family. This is not rational but it is a source of deep pain, like a raw tooth I can touch accidentally with my tongue. I believe it is this belief more than any other that has kept me in my sm for so long, kept me locked in silent, lonely shame for so long.
So, my therapist and I were listing ways I have been an awesome wife. For posterity sake I will share some awesome with you:
•I make all the money and have for the last 4 years while he is in school. I have always worked other than 3 years I was in school. He has been in school for 7 years total of our marriage.
• I am in charge of the kids: clothing, doctors, school work, emotional health, etc. He helps when I ask (sometimes) but I hold all the pieces.
• I am in charge of the house: cleaning, yard work, laundry, plants, etc. We share cooking. I am in charge of the shopping although if I have a list he will do the shopping. Still, I am in charge of knowing what we need.
• Dogs are all me
• when we did have sex I initiated, tried to fulfill his fantasies, bought toys and initiated play
•I listen to everything he is learning, ask questions about school and obscure theology topics. I have no real interest in this but have always supported him and listened to him.
• I exercise and keep myself in shape
• I make all social plans for us and keep us pretty active and connected to community
• I am fun! I encourage hiking and concerts and adventure at every opportunity.
• I have supported him through cancer, taking care of his every need, managing his medications, etc. Even just holding him when he was scared.
• I am low maintenance. I am not prone to emotional break downs, I am smart and funny. I am not very particular about my living space - I rarely complain about the piles of books and notes everywhere. I do not whine about my appearance or body image or anything really. Not much of a whiner in general. Also I hate shopping and I am not a big spender at all. He is much more a spender than I am.
• I worked my ass off to give him his dream study.
I am sure I will add to this list as my therapist pushes me to.
How are you an awesome partner? I know you all are!
So, my therapist and I were listing ways I have been an awesome wife. For posterity sake I will share some awesome with you:
•I make all the money and have for the last 4 years while he is in school. I have always worked other than 3 years I was in school. He has been in school for 7 years total of our marriage.
• I am in charge of the kids: clothing, doctors, school work, emotional health, etc. He helps when I ask (sometimes) but I hold all the pieces.
• I am in charge of the house: cleaning, yard work, laundry, plants, etc. We share cooking. I am in charge of the shopping although if I have a list he will do the shopping. Still, I am in charge of knowing what we need.
• Dogs are all me
• when we did have sex I initiated, tried to fulfill his fantasies, bought toys and initiated play
•I listen to everything he is learning, ask questions about school and obscure theology topics. I have no real interest in this but have always supported him and listened to him.
• I exercise and keep myself in shape
• I make all social plans for us and keep us pretty active and connected to community
• I am fun! I encourage hiking and concerts and adventure at every opportunity.
• I have supported him through cancer, taking care of his every need, managing his medications, etc. Even just holding him when he was scared.
• I am low maintenance. I am not prone to emotional break downs, I am smart and funny. I am not very particular about my living space - I rarely complain about the piles of books and notes everywhere. I do not whine about my appearance or body image or anything really. Not much of a whiner in general. Also I hate shopping and I am not a big spender at all. He is much more a spender than I am.
• I worked my ass off to give him his dream study.
I am sure I will add to this list as my therapist pushes me to.
How are you an awesome partner? I know you all are!