SMs — 2 stories, 2 different choices
Dec 9, 2018 13:56:47 GMT -5
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jim44444, sadkat, and 1 more like this
Post by northstarmom on Dec 9, 2018 13:56:47 GMT -5
A woman friend, 40s, died recently after a long bout with cancer. She was married, deeply loved, and was best friends with to an asexual who also fathered her child and loved her dearly. She also was best friends with a longtime lover who was in an open marriage.
She was a loving, open person and all of their friends knew about her relationships. She’d even go out socially with her husband, young child and lover. She also was friends with her lover’s wife.
Her lover and husband were attentive and loving even when chemo caused her to go bald and the cancer metastasized resulting in a double mastectomy. She died at home with her husband and son. Her lover also visited her there when she was dying.
So, some SMs can work out with love and fulfillment. The secret may be to live life honestly including living and accepting your spouse as they are. They need to do the same for you.
Being open and honest may be key. I have another friend who fell in love with another man after her husband of about 10 years decided to transition into a woman. Presumably their marriage also became or was sexless. When her husband came out as transgender, my friend posted on FB about it, said they planned to remain married, and asked for friends’ support and understanding.
A year later, she posted that she was divorcing after falling in love and having an affair with a man at the church where she worked. As a result, she had lost her job and been expelled from the church. She took full responsibility for betraying her marriage and she asked friends to continue to support her soon to be ex.
Dozens of friends responded with supportive messages for her and her family. A couple of months later she is introducing her lover to her friends including at holiday parties and he and she are being warmly welcomed. I have not heard one word of recrimination.
Both of the women I’ve described have been some of the nicest and most beloved people I’ve ever known. They also took responsibility for their lives and lived life on their terms. That’s the lesson. You can’t change your spouse. You can make choices and take the consequences.
She was a loving, open person and all of their friends knew about her relationships. She’d even go out socially with her husband, young child and lover. She also was friends with her lover’s wife.
Her lover and husband were attentive and loving even when chemo caused her to go bald and the cancer metastasized resulting in a double mastectomy. She died at home with her husband and son. Her lover also visited her there when she was dying.
So, some SMs can work out with love and fulfillment. The secret may be to live life honestly including living and accepting your spouse as they are. They need to do the same for you.
Being open and honest may be key. I have another friend who fell in love with another man after her husband of about 10 years decided to transition into a woman. Presumably their marriage also became or was sexless. When her husband came out as transgender, my friend posted on FB about it, said they planned to remain married, and asked for friends’ support and understanding.
A year later, she posted that she was divorcing after falling in love and having an affair with a man at the church where she worked. As a result, she had lost her job and been expelled from the church. She took full responsibility for betraying her marriage and she asked friends to continue to support her soon to be ex.
Dozens of friends responded with supportive messages for her and her family. A couple of months later she is introducing her lover to her friends including at holiday parties and he and she are being warmly welcomed. I have not heard one word of recrimination.
Both of the women I’ve described have been some of the nicest and most beloved people I’ve ever known. They also took responsibility for their lives and lived life on their terms. That’s the lesson. You can’t change your spouse. You can make choices and take the consequences.