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Post by saarinista on Mar 28, 2019 16:05:40 GMT -5
I can relate to what Handy said about being risk-averse related to not having much money to fix my mistakes. Having worked in idealistic, low paying career fields, in addition to growing up with über thrifty parents who grew up in the Great Depression , I think I subconsciously worry that I'll make a decision that will bankrupt me or otherwise ruin me so I tend to put them off. In addition, I have a heaping helping of low self-esteem and perfectionism. I subconsciously fear I'm not capable of making a good decision. Healthy thinking say, if you make a mistake, it just means you're human. Move on. My aberrant perfectionistic thinking tells me I should ALWAYS make the right decisions, and if I don't, I'm "bad". That's messed-up thinking. Which is why I am just leaving my therapist's office right now. Working to overcome that unhelpful thinking!
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Post by Handy on Mar 28, 2019 17:41:27 GMT -5
Saarinista, it sounds like we had similar parents, childhoods, and had idealistic work goals. My dad died when I was 3 or so and I remember my mother getting $80 a month from Social Security as a widow, with 2 children. I was told the family was living with different relatives for a while. If I made a mistake as a kid, there was hell to pay so I covered my bases before I did things back then and still do it even today.
I too have some perfectionist ideas but it had to be that way when I was working on commission. I got paid for completed work that passed inspections. Any re-does were on my dime. If I screw up just a little, I want to make it right at my expense so it is better to play things on the safe side.
I had low self esteem for a while ( was worth what i earned or what I repaired-constructed) but also felt I wasn't quite up to others standards. I still wonder if other people think my standard of living is below theirs. The up side is I don't owe anyone anything and I know some people that use lots of credit to finance their life styles.
My idea of living on credit of any type (except a house) is borrow a dollar, pay back $1.10. IOW, the MAN gets 10 cents of every dollar I earn. No thanks.
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Post by sadkat on Apr 2, 2019 8:45:06 GMT -5
Question for today- What do you do when you feel sad?
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Post by h on Apr 2, 2019 10:42:39 GMT -5
Question for today- What do you do when you feel sad? Drink. I know that's not really a good thing, but it's the truth.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Apr 2, 2019 11:40:11 GMT -5
If it's mild nothing just talk myself out of it. If it's bad usually eat comfort food. Not good for the thighs!
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Post by isthisit on Apr 2, 2019 13:50:25 GMT -5
I walk as therapy. Sometimes a hike somewhere rural, but an explore around an urban area is just as good for me. I find it mentally restful- and quite good for the thighs!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2019 18:40:56 GMT -5
Question for today- What do you do when you feel sad? Workout, listen to music, dance or talk to a friend.
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Post by tirefire on Apr 2, 2019 19:07:37 GMT -5
I think I would call my girlfriend for anything major. I haven't really been sad about anything major since I met her.
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Post by sadkat on Apr 3, 2019 8:47:14 GMT -5
Question for today- When do you feel the most vulnerable?
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Post by h on Apr 3, 2019 9:00:04 GMT -5
Question for today- When do you feel the most vulnerable? When initiating any kind of sexual activity or intimate touching. Just putting my arm around my W's waist and pulling her close for a passionate kiss is a huge risk of rejection. It's obvious that I am interested in more and if she's not, she will pull away from my arms quickly. Even though she doesn't actually SAY no, the rejection hurts all the same. There is no time or situation where I am more vulnerable than when reaching out to touch my W.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2019 16:34:00 GMT -5
Question for today- When do you feel the most vulnerable? Usually anytime I'm out of my comfort zone and/or getting ready to broach a touchy subject with someone (often my husband 🙄).
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Post by isthisit on Apr 3, 2019 16:49:53 GMT -5
Question for today- When do you feel the most vulnerable? When initiating any kind of sexual activity or intimate touching. Just putting my arm around my W's waist and pulling her close for a passionate kiss is a huge risk of rejection. It's obvious that I am interested in more and if she's not, she will pull away from my arms quickly. Even though she doesn't actually SAY no, the rejection hurts all the same. There is no time or situation where I am more vulnerable than when reaching out to touch my W. Oh my heart squeezed reading this h . I am sorry you find yourself in this situation.
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Post by Handy on Apr 3, 2019 20:20:25 GMT -5
I try to stay detached from my W but it still gets me in situations I feel like I don't want to even go there.
Feeling vulnerable happens in situations where other people have a lot more power than I do. IRS questioning some of my business or investment numbers, an audit over what I consider peanuts or me missing some difficult to understand rules.
Don't get me started on police districts that so called enforce unique laws mostly to create revenue for their jurisdiction.
Vulnerable or feeling guilty, when I do things by myself my refuser doesn't want to do that involves other women in a group or one on one that is just social. The few OW don't want anything more than to talk for a while.
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Post by sadkat on Apr 3, 2019 20:49:14 GMT -5
I feel the most vulnerable when having difficult conversations where I need to express hurt or remorse.
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Post by Handy on Apr 3, 2019 21:03:08 GMT -5
Sadkat it is very difficult for me to be the one that executes bad news to others or even if I have to tell others something they don't want to hear. It is part of my conflict avoidance. I wonder how to be fair and still be truthful without upsetting people.
A partially subconscious feeling that I have to have answers that lift people up of figure out something better is part of my problem. Sometimes there isn't a better solution or outcome to a problem and I know that BUT I still think I need to find one.
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