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Post by flounder on Dec 12, 2018 19:58:04 GMT -5
An exceptional mother to our children.
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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 12, 2018 20:25:23 GMT -5
An exceptional mother to our children. Same with mine.
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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 12, 2018 20:28:56 GMT -5
Question for today- If you had the ability to spend one week anywhere in the world, where would you go and what would you do? Since I am now trying to dig out of a foot of snow, I’d definitely go someplace with lots of sunshine and warmth! Maybe a Greek Island. I’d stay in a little cottage with fantastic views of the Mediterranean Sea- sit in a chaise lounge and relax while I took in the view. I’d also want to explore every inch of the island, enjoy the local cuisine, and do a little shopping. A girl can dream! I just found this thread, so I'm going to answer this one, but I also don't want to give anything away. I would visit someone that understands the SM pains very well and enjoy the company.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 13, 2018 7:48:34 GMT -5
Question for today: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
My goal: I’ll be divorced and living closer to my family (hopefully in a warmer climate). I’ll also have a close group of friends to have good times with. My dream: to have a lover who understands me and my needs and who shows me every day how important I am to him.
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Post by h on Dec 13, 2018 8:53:38 GMT -5
Question for today: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? My goal: I’ll be divorced and living closer to my family (hopefully in a warmer climate). I’ll also have a close group of friends to have good times with. My dream: to have a lover who understands me and my needs and who shows me every day how important I am to him. That's a difficult thing to answer. I know where I would like to see myself in 5 years: divorced and with a woman who actually wants me. There's too many unknown variables to determine that though and I don't know if even part of that is possible in 5 years. It's like I have a goal in mind and I'm walking towards it, but have no idea how long the road is. "When" I get there is impossible to determine from where I am now. It could be over the next hill and just out of sight, or many more hills down the road.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2018 8:55:18 GMT -5
Question for today: what personal characteristic do you struggle with the most? For me, I’m very sensitive- I tend to take things personally and get my feelings hurt easily. I’ve learned to manage it throughout the years but still have to be aware of this tendency when interacting with others. Being true to myself. I put other first, worry about them first, always try to make myself what I think they would like. This has backfired on me more than once, especially in my current mess, I mean, marriage. Struggling to find my voice and speak up. To thine own self be true.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2018 11:06:30 GMT -5
Question for today: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? My goal: I’ll be divorced and living closer to my family (hopefully in a warmer climate). I’ll also have a close group of friends to have good times with. My dream: to have a lover who understands me and my needs and who shows me every day how important I am to him. Sadly (perhaps not), in 5 years, I too see myself divorced. Divorced, but at peace finally. Both of my kids will be in college and my home will once again be a safe haven filled with nothing but love -- love coming from me, by me, and for me (and my kids, of course). Likely never to travel down the marriage path again. Two has been more than enough for me. I'm ok by myself.
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Post by h on Dec 13, 2018 11:52:06 GMT -5
Question for today: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? My goal: I’ll be divorced and living closer to my family (hopefully in a warmer climate). I’ll also have a close group of friends to have good times with. My dream: to have a lover who understands me and my needs and who shows me every day how important I am to him. Sadly (perhaps not), in 5 years, I too see myself divorced. Divorced, but at peace finally. Both of my kids will be in college and my home will once again be a safe haven filled with nothing but love -- love coming from me, by me, and for me (and my kids, of course). Likely never to travel down the marriage path again. Two has been more than enough for me. I'm ok by myself. I've only been married once and I don't plan on it again. Not being married doesn't mean you have to be alone. Maybe you can find someone to be with and just enjoy each other without a legal document binding you together.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2018 11:58:24 GMT -5
Sadly (perhaps not), in 5 years, I too see myself divorced. Divorced, but at peace finally. Both of my kids will be in college and my home will once again be a safe haven filled with nothing but love -- love coming from me, by me, and for me (and my kids, of course). Likely never to travel down the marriage path again. Two has been more than enough for me. I'm ok by myself. I've only been married once and I don't plan on it again. Not being married doesn't mean you have to be alone. Maybe you can find someone to be with and just enjoy each other without a legal document binding you together. @ h ... yes ... that is very much a possibility, though I suspect I will be much more guarded and protective of my heart next time around. What I meant by "ok by myself" is I don't need someone to complete me. I didn't NEED my husband when I met him. I didn't NEED to marry him (he wanted to as it was his first). I don't NEED to be with someone as I've learned I enjoy my own company and can be ok with that. Taken me to my 40's to get to that point. I miss the me who was single after my first marriage ended and before I met my 2nd (present) husband. That me was at peace, very much at peace and happy. Hoping to find her again one of these days.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 13, 2018 20:51:07 GMT -5
I’m going to be away for the next 3 days. Here’s your question for tomorrow. I’ll not be able to post questions over the weekend so look for the next one on Monday.
Have you confided with friends and/or family about your sm? If yes, how did they react? If no, why not?
I did confide in my sister, my adult niece and a friend. They have all been very supportive and excellent sounding boards when I needed to process issues that were bothering me. I’ve been going through large emotional swings lately and have been so grateful to be able to lean on them for support and advice.
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Post by carl on Dec 13, 2018 21:58:23 GMT -5
I’m going to be away for the next 3 days. Here’s your question for tomorrow. I’ll not be able to post questions over the weekend so look for the next one on Monday. Have you confided with friends and/or family about your sm? If yes, how did they react? If no, why not? I did confide in my sister, my adult niece and a friend. They have all been very supportive and excellent sounding boards when I needed to process issues that were bothering me. I’ve been going through large emotional swings lately and have been so grateful to be able to lean on them for support and advice. I have never confided in friends or family. I just can’t. Some might be more stressed by it than me and others I feel would pressure me to leave. Yes actually for me confiding in a friend would mean leaving the marriage. But what then.
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Post by Handy on Dec 14, 2018 0:48:15 GMT -5
One guy I work with knows things suck at home but that is about all. He gave me the name of his lawyer.
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Post by h on Dec 14, 2018 7:48:05 GMT -5
I’m going to be away for the next 3 days. Here’s your question for tomorrow. I’ll not be able to post questions over the weekend so look for the next one on Monday. Have you confided with friends and/or family about your sm? If yes, how did they react? If no, why not? I did confide in my sister, my adult niece and a friend. They have all been very supportive and excellent sounding boards when I needed to process issues that were bothering me. I’ve been going through large emotional swings lately and have been so grateful to be able to lean on them for support and advice. I didn't tell anyone else before finding this site. Since then, I have told 3 friends/co-workers, 3 cousins, and my grandmother. The friends were supportive in as far as they said "that sucks" but the conversation kind of died after that came out. I can't blame them because how do you respond when you find out someone is going through something you have no experience with and can't relate to? You can't find the right words of support and don't want to make it worse. They don't "get it" and I guess I'm happy for them that they don't. The cousins were a little more understanding as one of them was also in a SM and the rest know it. We have talked about it several times and they aren't as uncomfortable discussing it but it's still not much help to me. One has a great marriage and is supportive, but makes me feel like a broken record so I try not to bring it up. The one currently in a SM used to have the perfect life, has a beautiful family, but then his W had health issues that permanently killed the sex life. He just accepts it as bad luck and has a hard time relating to my situation because he at least has the memory of a sex life and has his children to devote his attention to. The third cousin, I just told recently but we haven't really talked about it much so I'm not sure what he thinks. I suspect that he's in a similar situation to me but hasn't opened up about it much. My grandmother, I only let slip in a text conversation. She made some comment about me and my W "snuggling" to keep warm and she put it in the quotation marks. I asked her what she meant by "snuggling" and she didn't really come out and say sex, but it was implied. I told her that there really wasn't much of any "snuggling" going on in our house and there never had been. And then replied: Why do you think we don't have any kids after over a decade of marriage? She replied with some sad face emojis and nothing was ever said about it again. I don't think that I am seeking out people to tell. I think I have just reached the point where I'm tired of lying and putting on a happy face. If it comes up in conversation, I tell people the honest truth.
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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 14, 2018 7:51:08 GMT -5
Before finding this site I tried to confide in a friend. He was trying to be supportive but was also very confused, he initially said, but you still have BJ's. 🙄
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Post by isthisit on Dec 14, 2018 10:12:38 GMT -5
I have not confided in anyone outside of this site. I feel that to do so would be disloyal to H as this would undoubtedly embarrass and emasculate him if he were to know. I guess this reflects the social stereotyping that all men have rampant libidos (oh and all women are seeking to avoid etc etc). I suppose I am also reluctant to advertise that my husband considers me unfuckable.
I imagine (but might be wrong) that men in this situation may be viewed differently than us females? Here I am assuming that refusing wives are not an unknown concept in society but refusing husbands seem to be. Perhaps I am wrong.
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