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Post by Handy on Jan 2, 2019 21:53:19 GMT -5
nyctos, the quality would also be important to most people. Not many people have stated they would be OK with starfish sex once r twice a month.
Starfish sex would indicate the woman doesn't like sex all that much, she is on the "let the guy do almost all of the work, or the guy might think he is imposing on his wife and feel guilt or resentments. It also could lead to the guy thinking not much works for the W or she isn't happy with what he has been doing in bed or elsewhere. Just read some of the women's post about them feeling worse after some forms of disconnected sex.
Some positive feedback from the W would indicate what I am doing pleases her, she is into sex, and she likes me and what I am doing. Having decent sex is one way to feel good about the relationship and each other.
I do agree with most of what you posted. I would say for me the once a month would be my point where it would get rough to deal with.
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Post by tirefire on Jan 13, 2019 10:49:57 GMT -5
A year ago I might have answered similarly to others posting here. Based on physical drive and need. And sure, that's still there. Now that I'm seeing someone insanely wonderful (beautiful inside and out), I really want to be looking in her eyes in the morning as we rock back and forth, kissing and connecting. That's what I "need" more than anything. Funny thing, I didn't even know what I was missing last year. Now it makes me count the days until I can see her again.
How often do I "need" that? How can I answer that? It feels like every day.
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moon
Junior Member
Posts: 22
Age Range: 36-40
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Post by moon on Jan 13, 2019 13:25:02 GMT -5
With a willing partner who's in love with me, I hope to have it everyday or every other day in weekday, and several times a day during weekend. I want to get lost in his beautiful eyes, kiss him passionately, rock, and never had enough of him.
He will be the reason that I no longer crave for work that much, enjoy doing every tiny things together.
I can do masturbation several times a day, daily if environment allows, but a real partner who loves me and desires me, and has good skill sets is completely different. He can turn me on deep inside, we can explore fantasies together, I'll be a satisfied woman and can last 2-3 days without it.
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Post by nyctos on Jan 14, 2019 13:06:45 GMT -5
nyctos, the quality would also be important to most people. Not many people have stated they would be OK with starfish sex once r twice a month. Starfish sex would indicate the woman doesn't like sex all that much, she is on the "let the guy do almost all of the work, or the guy might think he is imposing on his wife and feel guilt or resentments. It also could lead to the guy thinking not much works for the W or she isn't happy with what he has been doing in bed or elsewhere. Just read some of the women's post about them feeling worse after some forms of disconnected sex. Some positive feedback from the W would indicate what I am doing pleases her, she is into sex, and she likes me and what I am doing. Having decent sex is one way to feel good about the relationship and each other. I do agree with most of what you posted. I would say for me the once a month would be my point where it would get rough to deal with. Oh sheesh...I just tried to remember the last time she was an active partner, when she actually did....anything to reach out, or connect, or... ...sigh... I agree, the quality is important.
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Post by Handy on Jan 14, 2019 13:40:54 GMT -5
I mentioned quality because thinking about having sex with a woman that likes having sex with me gives me a boner really fast. The best case of this is when my W wanted to make kid #2, she was in a 100% sex mode and raring to go. Me thinking about sex when the W is not in the mood and being grouchy, the boner takes a longer time to materialize. One of my problems is I don't want to be around anyone that dislikes me, which is a common trait of most people, or maybe not with some people when sex is mostly only sex. My preference is heavily influenced by how well the rest of the relationship is going. Yes, some women look HOT to me but I also want there to be a bunch of compatibility and "like each other" to be there too.
My sexual experience is very limited so I might not know what sex is like with a hottie that is a highly experienced woman and can have sex with a guy even though she doesn't want relationship with the guy.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 17:47:55 GMT -5
I have often wondered myself do we get conditioned to not wanting sex anymore or are we just silently disgusted by our Refusers constant rejections that we no longer yern for them or desire them. I'm leaning towards being repulsed by the refuser as the answer. I'm confident that if an alternate pretty sexual partner was to come along the sexual demon would be re awaken.
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Post by solodriver on Mar 7, 2019 22:06:41 GMT -5
I’ve noticed a stark drop in my mood starting on day 3 without sex. I saw this today and have to ask.
How do you deal with it on Day 3+?
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Post by angeleyes65 on Mar 8, 2019 22:28:21 GMT -5
I don't know that I can say how many times a week I want sex. It depends on the day the week etc. I will say my marriage went from sex multiple times a day to a few times a week more so on the weekends when life was the busiest with school age children. To very little when my ex discovered porn to none. When I started outsourcing it was a couple of times a month. When I found my AF partner who is now my bf it was once a month then twice a month then once a week but multiple times on that day. Now that we are in opposite land and living together on average I would say 3 times a week. Occasionally on a weekend we will have sex multiple times in a day. I get up early for work we go to bed later than I should but when we do, snuggling often turns into sex. I don't think either of us say no to sex and we intiate in equal amounts. If work keeps us a part he just rolls with the flow I tend to get hangry after a few days without lol
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 29, 2020 7:00:12 GMT -5
I have a question related to this topic. I want to find a website, a book to read, or a group to join, "what it's like to have a high labido partner?".
I never expected to have 'such a problem', (and it's really not much of a problem) that my woman wants to have sex all the time! ( 5 times a day, Morning, noon, evening, night, 2:00am )
One woman, who's video I posted on here, calls such women a "juicy tomato, the top 10%" those who can have an orgasm in seconds. My woman is like that. Like one long ,continues flowing river, that can last for hours! She says "you have magic hands" There's also our toys.
Me? I'm having to take Viagra. My sperm tank can only be filled/emptied once a day (sometimes twice). My erection (without Viagra) does not last with her on top of me, oral lasts, and she doesn't mind, but when I do take Viagra I get to give her EVERYTHING for 2 hrs, and then again later in the day. I normally ask her to "let me wait (not cum) for 2 days, so I can fill my tank".
Very often I give my woman a passionate kiss. A short, passing in the kitchen, a long tight body squeeze. My way of telling her "later today, their will be more!" My mind is usually set on "the chore of the day". However she responds with ,getting extremely turned on, and instantly 'ready' telling me "drop your pants, lets go, I want more". It's a weird feeling to be the 'rejector' and to ask "can it wait?" My mind needs more time to 'be ready'.
So where can I read about such things on line?
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Post by Apocrypha on Apr 29, 2020 17:24:59 GMT -5
It is helpful to parse out "Wanting sex/feeling sexual" from "wanting sex with my partner" With some frequency on this board, I've seen accounts of abandoned spouses stumbling in on their partners masturbating, or finding a robust porn history. I've certainly seen that in my own experience (plus my refuser's affair), and when I was "off sex" for a few years in my twenties, I also managed to be interested in porn.
The issue wasn't "wanting sex" - it was actually, about wanting sex with the the partner I had, and what that sex meant to me in a larger context.
So to get to the question of the amount of sex I would want, it's less about a numbers game and more about an intention and desire. If it's a depletive activity- work - such as having sex with a partner who I do not want to have sex with - then really no amount is too little. In my present "singles" life, I have learned to keep a close eye on my feelings toward a partner, in particular to any feeling in which I might be reticent around sex with her. It likely means something is wrong.
As to the other end of it - my general preference might be to have sex every day (or at least to be available for it if I'm not driving it), or every week. The more important question being - if I lived with my partner and we had access to each other - why wouldn't we?
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Post by jamesbonding on May 1, 2020 16:01:57 GMT -5
I have a question related to this topic. I want to find a website, a book to read, or a group to join, "what it's like to have a high labido partner?". Why do you need such a forum, book, etc.? What do you hope to learn?
Has your dear woman expressed any kind of dissatisfaction or disappointment with you? If you are worried that she might be less than satisfied, TALK to her about it!!!
ironhamster might have some tips on how to increase stamina and be more of a sex god. And shamwow has some experience with (apparently) a high libido woman.
Viagra works well (in my experience) but only lasts for a few hours. Cialis lasts much longer and can be taken daily, so you can be ready for action anytime. Both drugs are cheap these days, less than $20/month using discount coupons from goodrx.com.
There's no law that says you have to cum every time you have sex. And if you are getting exhausted from being a human pile driver, consider slowing down - or ask her to do more of the work. I actually prefer slow, leisurely sex with lots of cuddling, and avoid having orgasms for myself. I talk more about that in one of my early posts.
As for where to find a forum, you could try asking your questions on quora.com.
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Post by jamesbonding on May 1, 2020 16:46:38 GMT -5
Speaking for myself, I think sex once every two days would be my natural frequency long term, if it was entirely up to me. But I could live with once a week, and could probably manage twice a day if my partner wanted it. I also would like a few minutes, at least, of snuggling every morning and night. I get about as much pleasure from holding a nice, warm woman in my arms (or her holding me) as I do from sex. Unfortunately, physical touch and quality time are not among my wife's love languages, so I don't get as much snuggling as I would like.
I went 10 years without masturbating, including 1 1/2 years without any sex at all during the last part of the sexless part of my marriage. Masturbation just doesn't give me much pleasure compared to real partner sex, and these days, with my ED and some decrease of sensitivity in my private parts (due to age and being circumcised, I suppose), it takes a lot of work to reach orgasm. I don't feel a strong need to masturbate, probably due to my practice of avoiding orgasm. So masturbation is just not worth it for me.
I suspect my wife has never masturbated in her whole life, due to low libido and a conservative upbringing.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 1, 2020 20:48:54 GMT -5
I have a question related to this topic. I want to find a website, a book to read, or a group to join, "what it's like to have a high labido partner?". Why do you need such a forum, book, etc.? What do you hope to learn?
Has your dear woman expressed any kind of dissatisfaction or disappointment with you? If you are worried that she might be less than satisfied, TALK to her about it!!!
ironhamster might have some tips on how to increase stamina and be more of a sex god. And shamwow has some experience with (apparently) a high libido woman.
Viagra works well (in my experience) but only lasts for a few hours. Cialis lasts much longer and can be taken daily, so you can be ready for action anytime. Both drugs are cheap these days, less than $20/month using discount coupons from goodrx.com.
There's no law that says you have to cum every time you have sex. And if you are getting exhausted from being a human pile driver, consider slowing down - or ask her to do more of the work. I actually prefer slow, leisurely sex with lots of cuddling, and avoid having orgasms for myself. I talk more about that in one of my early posts.
As for where to find a forum, you could try asking your questions on quora.com.
Thanks for your response and sharing! 1)What do I hope to learn? Basically how to cope with MY part in this. The communication, verbally and physically. This is all new ground for me! 2) Has my woman expressed dissatisfaction, or disappointment? No. In fact She lets me know that no other man has taken her anywhere CLOSE to the levels of sex and intimacy, like I have! I'm the one who gets paranoid when I have to do the 'rejecting'. I guess I am highly aware and sensitive about filling my partners needs. Perhaps I need some ..reassurance that my level of want and need is acceptable to a woman with a high labido? There are times, like today, when we have not seen each other for a few hours, she comes home, I greet her at the door, and give her a very affectionate "welcome home". Me: We already discussed on the phone "I'm heading to a job. You can join me and help me." Her: She agrees on the phone. After the greeting at the door "she's ready for the bedroom". Me: I'm not a mind reader. We need a better understanding, of "what I am capable of. Is she OK with later?, does the next day, or that night, present a problem?" All new ground.....several times in the past, all other activities end, and we spend an hour having sex. 2 1/2) Ironically I was bitten on the leg today by a Pitbull! It's going to change the way we hold each other and lay next to each other for a while. 3) I used Goodrx and was quite pleased! The 2 to 3 hrs of Sildenafil is plenty! A great positive is how it increases my initiative to take the lead ( she realy likes that) Even she has her times of "5 minutes, I need a break". I will say that "the feeling is good...but not the ultimate, like my younger days, the feeling near the end, ( the climax for me) of the 2 to 3 hrs, IS closer to my younger days! The times when it's good/average....is when the jack hammering can occur. ( along with the fisting) I SO love the pleasure and self esteem of pleasing my woman!! Along with that comes her pleasure of pleasing me near the end! 4) There's no law that says you have to cum every time you have sex. I/we agree! However...she fortunately DOES, everytime... again, just new ground for me to deal with, after decades of a SM. My woman does respectfully and lovingly tell me " I'll save you for later today or tomorrow". Me: sometimes ALL that oral leads to a bit of pain, later in the day. WE've discussed this. She's gotten much better at it. Darn it... it's me having to worry about being the one to say "no"? Perhaps I needed some reassurance that my problem is just a concern, and things work themselves out? Especially with ALL the other POSITIVE aspects that involve a relationship
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Post by jamesbonding on May 2, 2020 3:27:32 GMT -5
2) Has my woman expressed dissatisfaction, or disappointment? No. In fact She lets me know that no other man has taken her anywhere CLOSE to the levels of sex and intimacy, like I have! I'm the one who gets paranoid when I have to do the 'rejecting'. I guess I am highly aware and sensitive about filling my partners needs. Perhaps I need some ..reassurance that my level of want and need is acceptable to a woman with a high labido? Based on what she says, I don't think you need to worry. You can reject, or perhaps it would be better to to say postpone, sometimes, if you suggest another date and then be sure to follow through. I don't mind getting postponed for a day, occasionally. I do mind getting postponed multiple times in a row, or postponed for a week.
If you still need some reassurance, you could say to her something like "I love being with you and want this relationship to last. If I do something that you don't like, or I don't do something that you really want me to do, PLEASE tell me and let's talk it out. I don't want you to hold something back and then build up resentment."
At the same time, don't be a total slave to her and forget your own needs. If something she does bugs you, TELL HER. Relationships are best when both partners feel they benefit from the relationship.
Again, based on all your posts since you found your new woman, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Relax, and enjoy your new life in Oppositeland!
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Post by worksforme2 on May 2, 2020 8:03:54 GMT -5
I can remember my senior yr. in college when I experienced something akin to what you are describing. I met a freshman female and we hit it off. After a couple dats we were sexually engaged like there was no tomorrow. Prior to dating her I had to work pretty long and hard for an opportunity to pull a woman's pants off. This girl turned out to be more than I could handle. She wanted sex just about every day. And she was not shy about showing up at my dorm at any time to see if I was "up" for it. After about 5 months I couldn't take it any more, I was exhausted sexually and I broke it off with her. Looking back on this experience I can somewhat relate to what our refusers must feel like when we show up, with what seems to be an insatiable lust for sex. I should have just had a talk with her and explained that I just couldn't keep up that pace and 2-3 times a week was about all i could handle. I agree with jamesbonding, have a talk with her and be forthright in saying that she is carrying you just a bit fast and you need to slow down a bit. I have always found that quality is preferable to quantity, especially for me at this stage of life. I expect that if you have that talk you will find she will come around to a schedule that you both can live with.
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