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Post by shamwow on Nov 29, 2018 12:31:45 GMT -5
Sounds like you just get on each other's nerves. Some nookie would probably help with that for both of you. I'm sorry that doesn't appear in the cards in your current arrangement.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 29, 2018 23:09:23 GMT -5
"They are more like complaints and request. Ask if she wants liquor before I close the liquor cabinet. Don't come into the bathroom if I am using it, even though we have a seperate door for the toilet, don't leave any air in the cheese bag, can you please not talk to me while I am on the computer...things like that. It has nothing to do with sex or exchange for sex. I do a million house projects, support her in all her activities and do a ton of household chores."
Remind us why you acquiesce and stay with such a controller.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 30, 2018 0:43:12 GMT -5
I know lately I get angry pretty fast. There was a news story on TV that said people who get less sleep have anger problems. I said so do people who haven't had sex in 20 years. Maybe a big chunk of those people can't sleep because of the lack of sex. I know I don't sleep well after it's been a certain length of time without. Hey if you think your cranky now, wait a couple of decades!
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Post by h on Nov 30, 2018 5:41:19 GMT -5
Maybe a big chunk of those people can't sleep because of the lack of sex. I know I don't sleep well after it's been a certain length of time without. Hey if you think your cranky now, wait a couple of decades! Not planning on that. Saving up to pay for my freedom.
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Post by time4intimacy on Dec 3, 2018 23:00:51 GMT -5
Sounds like you just get on each other's nerves. Some nookie would probably help with that for both of you. I'm sorry that doesn't appear in the cards in your current arrangement. Exactly!!! I could not agree more, I told her the same, but she does not see it the same way.
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Post by time4intimacy on Dec 3, 2018 23:02:21 GMT -5
"They are more like complaints and request. Ask if she wants liquor before I close the liquor cabinet. Don't come into the bathroom if I am using it, even though we have a seperate door for the toilet, don't leave any air in the cheese bag, can you please not talk to me while I am on the computer...things like that. It has nothing to do with sex or exchange for sex. I do a million house projects, support her in all her activities and do a ton of household chores." Remind us why you acquiesce and stay with such a controller. Northstarmom, I have no good answer, other then I don't want to lose half my shit and I still hold out some hope, knowing how good it used to be. She is a controller, that is for sure.
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Post by baza on Dec 3, 2018 23:22:21 GMT -5
Maybe it might help if you were to re-frame that "I don't want to lose half my shit" "Brother time4intimacy . It implies that you alone own all the shit......and that is not actually correct. You and your missus jointly own all the shit. In a no fault jurisdiction, you - as one of the joint owners of all the shit - are entitled to half of it - as is your missus. Under a no fault jurisdiction (in a divorce) it would not actually "cost" you anything over and above your half. You'd get your just entitlement (half) as would your missus. See a lawyer mate. They can probably explain it better.
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Post by time4intimacy on Dec 3, 2018 23:48:50 GMT -5
Maybe it might help if you were to re-frame that "I don't want to lose half my shit" "Brother time4intimacy . It implies that you alone own all the shit......and that is not actually correct. You and your missus jointly own all the shit. In a no fault jurisdiction, you - as one of the joint owners of all the shit - are entitled to half of it - as is your missus. Under a no fault jurisdiction (in a divorce) it would not actually "cost" you anything over and above your half. You'd get your just entitlement (half) as would your missus. See a lawyer mate. They can probably explain it better. I know the legal explanation and totally understand it. I make 80% of the money and would still feel like I am giving up a lot more.
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 4, 2018 6:25:52 GMT -5
Maybe it might help if you were to re-frame that "I don't want to lose half my shit" "Brother time4intimacy . It implies that you alone own all the shit......and that is not actually correct. You and your missus jointly own all the shit. In a no fault jurisdiction, you - as one of the joint owners of all the shit - are entitled to half of it - as is your missus. Under a no fault jurisdiction (in a divorce) it would not actually "cost" you anything over and above your half. You'd get your just entitlement (half) as would your missus. See a lawyer mate. They can probably explain it better. I know the legal explanation and totally understand it. I make 80% of the money and would still feel like I am giving up a lot more. In Illinois, as a high wage earner, you would be expected to pay 30% of your gross to an ex, minus 20% of what the low wage earner made. If you are seeing this coming, I advise backing off overtime or anything that creates large bonuses.
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Post by shamwow on Dec 4, 2018 9:31:19 GMT -5
Sounds like you just get on each other's nerves. Some nookie would probably help with that for both of you. I'm sorry that doesn't appear in the cards in your current arrangement. Exactly!!! I could not agree more, I told her the same, but she does not see it the same way. Well, barring certain international jurisdictions, her seeing it the same way is pretty important for you to avoid receiving a long stint in sub standard government housing.
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Post by time4intimacy on Dec 4, 2018 17:31:19 GMT -5
I know the legal explanation and totally understand it. I make 80% of the money and would still feel like I am giving up a lot more. In Illinois, as a high wage earner, you would be expected to pay 30% of your gross to an ex, minus 20% of what the low wage earner made. If you are seeing this coming, I advise backing off overtime or anything that creates large bonuses. Well, I am a COO and I own part of the company and the business is growing very fast year over year. Lets just say, it would not be a small payout. So....it is what it is. That is one reason I really need to find a way to just make it work.
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Post by saarinista on Dec 5, 2018 23:44:24 GMT -5
In Illinois, as a high wage earner, you would be expected to pay 30% of your gross to an ex, minus 20% of what the low wage earner made. If you are seeing this coming, I advise backing off overtime or anything that creates large bonuses. Well, I am a COO and I own part of the company and the business is growing very fast year over year. Lets just say, it would not be a small payout. So....it is what it is. That is one reason I really need to find a way to just make it work. But odds are overwhelming it's not going to work. So maybe you've made your choice. money = happiness ? Now that's a perfectly valid choice. I have not had the financial success or career success that you've had so I'm not sure how good it might feel. do be certain to continue to be successful. I'm sure she's expecting you to keep her in the style to which she's bevome accustomed. that's what she wants from you, not sex. But you get to keep your money if you stay in this marriage. that's the tradeoff.
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Post by saarinista on Dec 5, 2018 23:47:47 GMT -5
Maybe it might help if you were to re-frame that "I don't want to lose half my shit" "Brother time4intimacy . It implies that you alone own all the shit......and that is not actually correct. You and your missus jointly own all the shit. In a no fault jurisdiction, you - as one of the joint owners of all the shit - are entitled to half of it - as is your missus. Under a no fault jurisdiction (in a divorce) it would not actually "cost" you anything over and above your half. You'd get your just entitlement (half) as would your missus. See a lawyer mate. They can probably explain it better. I know the legal explanation and totally understand it. I make 80% of the money and would still feel like I am giving up a lot more. what are you giving up that's more than 80%? I don't see what you're getting other than having your money and stuff but I could be wrong.
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Post by choosinghappy on Dec 6, 2018 12:04:05 GMT -5
In Illinois, as a high wage earner, you would be expected to pay 30% of your gross to an ex, minus 20% of what the low wage earner made. If you are seeing this coming, I advise backing off overtime or anything that creates large bonuses. Well, I am a COO and I own part of the company and the business is growing very fast year over year. Lets just say, it would not be a small payout. So....it is what it is. That is one reason I really need to find a way to just make it work. Nope, wouldn’t be a small payout. But might it still be worth it anyway? When you have a lot you can stand to lose a lot. You just have to be okay with your lifestyle changing. It sounds like you would not be okay with that. (You don’t NEED “to find a way to just make it work”, the blunt truth is you’d rather deal with it than have things change, yes? If so, no judgment, just be sure to be honest with yourself.) Btw, I was married to the COO. My freedom and happiness was much more important to me than the money and cushy life provided. My lifestyle has changed a lot since leaving and I’d do it all over again.
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Post by isthisit on Dec 6, 2018 13:40:02 GMT -5
Maybe it might help if you were to re-frame that "I don't want to lose half my shit" "Brother time4intimacy . It implies that you alone own all the shit......and that is not actually correct. You and your missus jointly own all the shit. In a no fault jurisdiction, you - as one of the joint owners of all the shit - are entitled to half of it - as is your missus. Under a no fault jurisdiction (in a divorce) it would not actually "cost" you anything over and above your half. You'd get your just entitlement (half) as would your missus. See a lawyer mate. They can probably explain it better. I know the legal explanation and totally understand it. I make 80% of the money and would still feel like I am giving up a lot more. With respect, it sounds to me as though your wealth is costing you a great deal.
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