Post by northstarmom on Nov 18, 2018 15:55:05 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes: "He’s told me four or five times in the past month or so that I have “until January” to decide whether I want to be with him. "
You don't have to adhere to his timeline. You could start the divorce now. If kids and the holidays are a consideration, you still could start the divorce proceedings but not tell the kids until January.
Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 22, 2019 13:40:58 GMT -5
Well, looks like IT’S SHOWTIME!! For people who skim and don’t read, this means it’s time. Over, finished, finis, fin. ***I’ve already decided***
He moved out of the master bedroom on Saturday, after having his female friend deliver a new futon (I’d asked him whether the futon meant what I think it did and he confirmed). Then he immediately said I’m welcome to invite him back into the bedroom, or sleep in the man cave with him.
Reason he gave that he moved out is that I’m “taking over” the master bedroom. After he’s given me the second closet.
Yesterday, I learned he’s been talking to his therapist since November about leaving me. He’s also been writing erotica and I found that he secretly recorded me last week during a conversation. I have no idea why.
Last night he handed me a three page letter outlining his reasons for wanting to divorce me (not enough compliments, was among them) and his terms (he gets to continue living in the house until retirement). He also says he wants to do this without lawyers, which has me going “Yeah, right!!”
He wants to be live-in FWB, which I think is hilarious. But then talked openly about looking for a life partner. He added a p.s. to the end of our conversation that he is suicidal and “That’s just one more reason to divorce me!” Not so hilarious.
This morning I learned he’s been on at least three dating sites. They seem to be multiplying.
***I KNOW THIS STUFF IS NOT OK. I AM SHARING IN CASE IT WILL HELP SOMEONE ELSE.***
I plan to see a lawyer ASAP to get separation paperwork started (***I know separation is different than divorce; this is a necessary first step since finances have been shaky almost the entire marriage***). I liked the one I saw last summer; however, she mailed a letter to my house, which he opened and read.
So, one of your H's friends is an attorney. Is this woman in the position of being a potential OW or just someone he hired or will hire and not a potential OW.?
mypaintbrishes I found that he secretly recorded me last week during a conversation. I have no idea why.
Lots of people thinking about divorce do this. The OW/OM usually they think an X will say there was physical violence so all he is doing is CYA (cover your ass) thing so if you say something bad about him he can prove he didn't do anything wrong. Also some potential partners when they break up tend to say some radical things. People breaking up want to discover if the other spouse is having an affair so they can go for more $$$ in the divorce. Again it often comes down mostly to a CYA or trying to prove you are unreasonable or cheating already. Again, it is a fairly common thing to do (recording) One forum I read, one poster has recording as his go to advice. Too many private detective wan-a-bees I suppose.
I see a certain amount of distrust in many break ups so recordings are not that uncommon. Mind you I got this information just from reading relationship forums and no first hand experience. I will say I do learn from other's experiences and do not have to make all of the mistakes I read about. The mistakes in some cases is NOT CYA. Lawyers are good at telling potential clients what to do and what not to do.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: The add attachment says a max of 1mb...I see plenty of videos that are way longer than that...how do I do that? My video is 4.97 mbs
Apr 25, 2019 20:10:25 GMT -5
h: The videos posted aren't attached. They are links to videos outside the site.
Apr 26, 2019 14:09:04 GMT -5
sexlessinga: Hi guys just joined
May 10, 2019 20:49:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: @mslowmaintenance….long time no see, welcome back...
May 29, 2019 9:30:25 GMT -5
noregretz: You can never outrun a Grizzly bear, but that's ok. You only have to outrun the person you're with....
Jun 15, 2019 12:28:09 GMT -5
solodriver: or in this case your refuser.
Jun 16, 2019 19:21:47 GMT -5