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Post by baza on Nov 6, 2018 22:35:54 GMT -5
Saw this on the nine.com.au site today.
When it comes to cheating, people have varying reasons for why they think it’s okay, but one man has a particularly bizarre justification.
The man, known as ‘Jeremy’, admitted he has cheated on his wife because they haven’t had sex in a long time and according to him, when they do, it's a “once a month dutiful obligation.” His wife suffers from mental illness, which has made her libido non-existent, and Jeremy confessed to website Fatherly that because of their intimacy issues, he slept with a “close female friend”.
“It’s hard to explain just how crushing it is to be rejected by your wife over and over. You lose your confidence, your self-worth, you feel unloved,” he said before admitting to the cheating.
Jeremy said that one night while his wife was out of town, a close friend stayed over and they ended up sleeping together after drinking and bonding over their unhappy marriages. The woman was a bridesmaid at their wedding and they decided it wasn’t worth hurting either of their spouses by coming clean and agreed not to speak about it.
But that wasn’t the only time Jeremy was unfaithful. Around two years later he cheated again, but it wasn’t a one night stand. She was going through a divorce, and “one thing led to another” and they slept together.
Jeremy cheated more than once. He felt he could justify his actions because he wasn’t having sex “at home”
“Every time I felt guilty, I’d suggest to my wife that we have sex, and her saying no only justified what I was doing. I felt bad, but at the same time with my wife’s mental issues, I worried that she might harm herself if the truth came out,” he explained.
Jeremy eventually ended the affair, but his wife knows nothing about any of his infidelities. “The reason I’m cheating is the lack of sex, and that’s entirely because of [my wife’s] mental health problems,” he said.
He explained he really does love his wife and they have started to go to counselling to try and fix the issue, she has also been working hard on the health problems impacting on her libido.
“Honestly, I want my marriage to work. I love my wife. She’s a good person. She’s a good partner. If we were having sex, then there wouldn’t be a problem. She’s great in every respect of our marriage, except that one,” said Jeremy.
He told us that while he doesn’t want to get divorced, he can’t keep going on in a sexless marriage.
I would just add that this nine.com.au site is not reknown for its' great journalism
Anyway, make of it what you will.
To me it reads like "Jeremy" doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions, and ditto for "Mrs Jeremy". And, nine.com.au just want to push a superficial populist view of cheating.
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Post by javba on Nov 6, 2018 22:52:30 GMT -5
I've long opined misery loves company....
If our sexless spouses didn't want us shouldn't have married nor stayed married
In this case 2 negatives did make a positive, fucker got laid. Many times.
She cheated him out of his human rights, so the fucking around was just survival
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Post by workingonit on Nov 6, 2018 22:56:44 GMT -5
"A particularly bizarre justification" Really? To the wider world are we so bizarre that we are emotionally, spiritually and psychologically impacted by being rejected sexually? And poor Jeremy needs some baza truth bombs to combat his 'everything is great bar the sex.' We all know that rarely if ever stands up to a thorough review of the marriage. Alas, poor Jeremy.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 7, 2018 3:08:46 GMT -5
My compliments to nine.au. The writer may not understand the story any more than Jeremy fully understands his predicament, but I am thankful for any site that will put an article out about sexless marriages. I'll take an article that only gets 5% right over complete silence.
Side note: I am disappointed that they do not have a comments section for the article. THAT would have been helpful to so many people.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2018 14:53:40 GMT -5
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Post by choosinghappy on Nov 7, 2018 15:10:42 GMT -5
That would not strike me as “a particularly bizarre justification” even if I hadn’t experienced a SM myself.
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Post by jim44444 on Nov 7, 2018 18:39:58 GMT -5
His wife suffers from mental illness, which has made her libido non-existent, and Jeremy confessed to website Fatherly that because of their intimacy issues, he slept with a “close female friend”. If we were having sex, then there wouldn’t be a problem. She’s great in every respect of our marriage, except that one,” said Jeremy. Maybe, probably, I am clueless but how can Jeremy claim and believe that everything is great bar the sex? He says his wife has mental illness but how can that illness not affect areas of her life and their relationship outside of the sex life?
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 7, 2018 18:45:21 GMT -5
His wife suffers from mental illness, which has made her libido non-existent, and Jeremy confessed to website Fatherly that because of their intimacy issues, he slept with a “close female friend”. If we were having sex, then there wouldn’t be a problem. She’s great in every respect of our marriage, except that one,” said Jeremy. Maybe, probably, I am clueless but how can Jeremy claim and believe that everything is great bar the sex? He says his wife has mental illness but how can that illness not affect areas of her life and their relationship outside of the sex life? Having been through that, I think self-delusion is a survival mechanism, even though it does not always work in our favor.
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Post by Handy on Nov 7, 2018 18:49:43 GMT -5
I used to condemn affairs but now I understand why affairs happen and don't judge people as harshly. Promising forever when marring is something that seems unrealistic.
Maybe if there was less shame associated regarding divorce, more people would end their marriage and not have as many affairs.
There are new car lots (marriage) and used car lots (marriage not working) maybe we need something similar to a used marriage social classification and make it legitimate.
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Post by flounder on Nov 7, 2018 19:01:21 GMT -5
Define mental illness. Is she psychotic? Or maybe battling depression and her meds are affecting her libido ? I’m actually surprised we don’t hear of more marriages ending due to “emotional neglect” or whatever the hell you want to call it. Marriage vows used to mean more than they do now. It’s easy to get divorced and start over nowadays. I think most of us just care more about our marriages than others. Otherwise we wouldn’t come here trying to fix it in the first place.
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Post by baza on Nov 7, 2018 19:05:03 GMT -5
I mentioned in the OP that the nine.com.au was not exactly re-known for the quality of its' journalism. Indeed Brother @shynjdude found the original source of the article - and it would seem that nine.com.au just straight out plagiarised it off the "Fatherly" site. That would not be particularly surprising given nine.com.au's record.
How credible the "Fatherly" site is I don't know, but now - on reflection -it seems quite possible that the whole "Jeremy" story was/is concocted bullshit.
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Post by saarinista on Nov 13, 2018 15:09:49 GMT -5
I used to condemn affairs but now I understand why affairs happen and don't judge people as harshly. Promising forever when marring is something that seems unrealistic. Maybe if there was less shame associated regarding divorce, more people would end their marriage and not have as many affairs. There are new car lots (marriage) and used car lots (marriage not working) maybe we need something similar to a used marriage social classification and make it legitimate i totally agree. i used to condemn affairs myseld, unril my finally woke back up, unfortunately forr simeone who is not wiling to have a "real affair. " However, i know i still have emotions and sexual feelings. i just don't feel that way about my husband nor he me apparently, after 9 sexless yeas. We're more like brother and sisyer. i love him but im not in love. Maybe it's time to bring back concubines! why should eros be wasted?
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 13, 2018 17:20:07 GMT -5
I used to condemn affairs but now I understand why affairs happen and don't judge people as harshly. Promising forever when marring is something that seems unrealistic. Maybe if there was less shame associated regarding divorce, more people would end their marriage and not have as many affairs. There are new car lots (marriage) and used car lots (marriage not working) maybe we need something similar to a used marriage social classification and make it legitimate. My former self would be very condemning of my current self. If marriages were cars, I'd walk, uber, or public transit my way around. I know some work, and congratulations to their happiness, but, most fail, and those that fail have huge financial repercussions. As I was leaving mine, a coworker who never married his baby-mama was splitting with her. His costs amounted to child support only. Mine make me an indentured servant for perpetuity. He got a lot of flack for "not doing the right thing," but, he DID do the right thing.
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Post by saarinista on Nov 13, 2018 18:07:51 GMT -5
@irohamster, I agree with a lot of what you say. Too often, divorces turns into a money grab, because marriage IS in fact a legally binding contractual agreement designed (at least partly) to ensure that biological parents fund the care of their children, that the mother doesn't end up homeless on the street, and that when the c ouple splits up, the remaining spouts gas enough money to pay for the upkeep of the marital house unless s/he moves out. Sadly, especially when kids are involved women (usually women) can get quite vindictive and try to bankrupt the guy to make up for alleged wrongs and just to be mean. That can happened in reverse as well, if the woman has more money/a better job orif the husband was the primary child caregiver,like greatcoastal. I think there are tons of miserable marriages out there that should end but don't, merely because marriage has not evolved as an institution to meet current lifestyle reality and lifespans. Marriage was developed thousands of years ago when things were very different. Yet even back then, there was plural marriage and concubinage, which (I've read in Wikipedia) in some cases conferred social status and legal rights to the woman, though not to any children of the relationship (often there weren't any.) should we look back to the future? I grew up and still am a Christian (a very liberal one-Christ weeps at some "Christian" behavior, I believe) and probably Christianity screwed up marriage but probably other groups did, too. It's your basic train wreck, as far as I'm concerned. In my defense, it's been raining for days where I am and I have a flooded basement so I'm not feeling optimistic. However, I feel this way when it's sunny,too. Maybe if I was in a happy, sexual marriage I'd be cheerier generally. Do ya think? But I'm no closer to having one than I was a year ago, so I have no answers.
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 13, 2018 18:37:20 GMT -5
In my opinion Jeremy should try to work through the guilt. It sounds like he is committed to his wife and her health issues. Jeremy’s wife is not interested in Jeremy’s sexuality therefore his sexuality is none of her damn business. Jeremy should not have to live like a monk because he is choosing to stay married. So woohoo! Go Jeremy!! Hopefully one day Jeremy will find ILIASM and he’ll give his wife the boot!
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