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Hello
Nov 5, 2018 13:59:57 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2018 13:59:57 GMT -5
So hello everyone. I thought I’d try this because I am just at a loss for where to go next. I have been married for nearly 15years now. My husband refuses to sleep with me. In this past year I think we have had sex twice. I am currently in the process of losing weight and I am really feeling resentful that he won’t look at me. I mean there are just things I haven’t ever experienced. I haven’t ever received oral. We only had sex in one position. I am just feeling so sad about it all. Like I am just not good enough. I am only 33 am I really going to live like this for the rest of my life? I am a mom and a good wife and I work hard. I am just at such a loss.
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Post by heartbrokengirl on Nov 5, 2018 14:31:22 GMT -5
So hello everyone. I thought I’d try this because I am just at a loss for where to go next. I have been married for nearly 15years now. My husband refuses to sleep with me. In this past year I think we have had sex twice. I am currently in the process of losing weight and I am really feeling resentful that he won’t look at me. I mean there are just things I haven’t ever experienced. I haven’t ever received oral. We only had sex in one position. I am just feeling so sad about it all. Like I am just not good enough. I am only 33 am I really going to live like this for the rest of my life? I am a mom and a good wife and I work hard. I am just at such a loss. Hi @onedayatatime33 , I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself here but you’re among friends. I am also 33 and have been in a sexless marriage for 4 years, so you are not alone. I went through *exactly* what you’re going through in trying to change my weight and physical appearance to get the attention of my h. But it didn’t work and I felt worse. It was these people here and my therapist who helped me realize it’s not me. And I will tell you that it’s not you either. There is nothing wrong with you, you don’t need to change anything about yourself, and you are worthy and deserving of all the love and attention you desire. At this stage, your best course of action is to put yourself into individual therapy, spend more quality time with the people you love and treat you well, and pursue your hobbies and passions outside of your marriage. Those are the next steps that will set you in a path to healing your heart and soul whether you stay in your marriage or not. You no doubt have already gone through a roller coaster of emotions and doubts and fear, and they’re probably still going to surface. Just remember that you can ask for anything you want out of your own marriage and don’t break a promise to yourself by ignoring your wants and needs. It only feeds the self doubt. Message me if you want to talk. Always here. Hugs!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2018 14:34:25 GMT -5
Thank you so much 🤗
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Post by hopingforachange on Nov 5, 2018 14:44:01 GMT -5
So hello everyone. I thought I’d try this because I am just at a loss for where to go next. I have been married for nearly 15years now. My husband refuses to sleep with me. In this past year I think we have had sex twice. I am currently in the process of losing weight and I am really feeling resentful that he won’t look at me. I mean there are just things I haven’t ever experienced. I haven’t ever received oral. We only had sex in one position. I am just feeling so sad about it all. Like I am just not good enough. I am only 33 am I really going to live like this for the rest of my life? I am a mom and a good wife and I work hard. I am just at such a loss. If you don't have kids, you have an easy decision, move on to someone that will give you what you NEED. Physical intimacy is an important part is emotional intimacy that we need. It is not a want but a need.
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Hello
Nov 5, 2018 14:47:30 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2018 14:47:30 GMT -5
We have a young son. He makes the decision so difficult
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Hello
Nov 5, 2018 14:47:46 GMT -5
Post by h on Nov 5, 2018 14:47:46 GMT -5
Welcome @onedayatatime33 to the club nobody wants to be a member of. It's great that you're losing weight, but do it for yourself, not for him. Your situation has nothing to do with you being "good enough." I hope being here helps you. Eventually you will have to decide if you can tolerate your situation or not.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2018 15:07:16 GMT -5
Welcome @onedayatatime33 to the club nobody wants to be a member of. It's great that you're losing weight, but do it for yourself, not for him. Your situation has nothing to do with you being "good enough." I hope being here helps you. Eventually you will have to decide if you can tolerate your situation or not. Thank you. The weight loss is mostly for me. I have let him make me feel bad about myself for too long. Like I’m a weirdo for sending a sext or sexy pic or cause I want to have sex at all. But working out and taking good care of my body is slowly helping feel better.
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Post by baza on Nov 5, 2018 16:22:40 GMT -5
How your spouse behaves is not a matter over which you have any control over Sister @onedayatatime33 . His behaviour he owns and the consequences of his behaviour he also owns. His issues are his, not yours.
Your only contribution to the mess is that you've thus far chosen to stay in it - that's all you own.
What do you want to do ? More to the point, what are you *prepared* to do ?
Whatever you are thinking you might do, someone here will have done it IRL and might be able to be a valuable resource to plug into.
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Post by sadkat on Nov 5, 2018 16:30:48 GMT -5
So hello everyone. I thought I’d try this because I am just at a loss for where to go next. I have been married for nearly 15years now. My husband refuses to sleep with me. In this past year I think we have had sex twice. I am currently in the process of losing weight and I am really feeling resentful that he won’t look at me. I mean there are just things I haven’t ever experienced. I haven’t ever received oral. We only had sex in one position. I am just feeling so sad about it all. Like I am just not good enough. I am only 33 am I really going to live like this for the rest of my life? I am a mom and a good wife and I work hard. I am just at such a loss. Hi @onedayatatime33 , I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself here but you’re among friends. I am also 33 and have been in a sexless marriage for 4 years, so you are not alone. I went through *exactly* what you’re going through in trying to change my weight and physical appearance to get the attention of my h. But it didn’t work and I felt worse. It was these people here and my therapist who helped me realize it’s not me. And I will tell you that it’s not you either. There is nothing wrong with you, you don’t need to change anything about yourself, and you are worthy and deserving of all the love and attention you desire. At this stage, your best course of action is to put yourself into individual therapy, spend more quality time with the people you love and treat you well, and pursue your hobbies and passions outside of your marriage. Those are the next steps that will set you in a path to healing your heart and soul whether you stay in your marriage or not. You no doubt have already gone through a roller coaster of emotions and doubts and fear, and they’re probably still going to surface. Just remember that you can ask for anything you want out of your own marriage and don’t break a promise to yourself by ignoring your wants and needs. It only feeds the self doubt. Message me if you want to talk. Always here. Hugs! I agree 100% with what heartbrokengirl has said. I couldn’t add anything more so am quoting her instead. It is definitely not you. I’ve been struggling for 22 years with the same issues and am now on my way out of the marriage. Please don’t wait as long as I did.
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Post by sadkat on Nov 5, 2018 17:20:43 GMT -5
We have a young son. He makes the decision so difficult Yes- it does make it very difficult. I have a son as well. I made the decision to stay because I didn’t want to miss a minute of time with him. Having shared custody would have made that impossible. I have to tell you that those 22 years I stayed were very tough and hard on my self esteem. My son is now 22 and a college graduate. I don’t regret my decision- it is water under the bridge- but I also wouldn’t recommend it. This is not an easy decision to make. I know it seems easy when a lot of us are telling you to just leave. Know that all of us on this forum have either been through or are going through the same thing. At the very least, seek individual counseling to help you make up your mind. Hugs to you. And I’ll extend the same offer to message me should you need someone to talk to who can relate to what you are going through.
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Post by choosinghappy on Nov 6, 2018 0:55:08 GMT -5
We have a young son. He makes the decision so difficult Yes- it does make it very difficult. I have a son as well. I made the decision to stay because I didn’t want to miss a minute of time with him. Having shared custody would have made that impossible. I have to tell you that those 22 years I stayed were very tough and hard on my self esteem. My son is now 22 and a college graduate. I don’t regret my decision- it is water under the bridge- but I also wouldn’t recommend it. This is not an easy decision to make. I know it seems easy when a lot of us are telling you to just leave. Know that all of us on this forum have either been through or are going through the same thing. At the very least, seek individual counseling to help you make up your mind. Hugs to you. And I’ll extend the same offer to message me should you need someone to talk to who can relate to what you are going through. And then I’ll be the flip-side: I also have a young son. I was married for 6 years (I’m also in my 30s) and I decided to leave. We separated 4 months ago and my son (3 yo) has adapted well and is still thriving. Being a single mom is certainly harder on me in some ways but it’s also easier in others because I no longer have the mental anguish my SM caused. Removing that tortuous element from my life (plus being able to now have regular sex!) has caused me to be a better mom to him. I certainly understand what a difficult decision this is @onedayatatime33 and there are multiple threads on this forum addressing “staying for the kids”. But I chose to leave sooner rather than later in part due to my son’s young age. I think the longer I stayed the harder it would be to leave and I couldn’t see myself doing this another 15 years until he left for college. It felt like I’d be wasting my life. I hope you’ll post more on the forum about your marriage so we can give input and personal anecdotes to hopefully help you. I do agree that talking with a individual therapist would likely be a very helpful thing for you.
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Post by javba on Dec 2, 2018 22:31:11 GMT -5
We have a young son. He makes the decision so difficult As our poet (the post above mine) has stated there's options and younger kids adjust easier. Otoh, waiting longer wouldn't make it easier. Take stock, and see if hubby's gonna pony up? Historically low libido spouses don't change. Mines asleep as I write this and Netflix myself to sleep
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Hello
Dec 3, 2018 22:05:09 GMT -5
Post by jim44444 on Dec 3, 2018 22:05:09 GMT -5
Did we scare her off?
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