Part of the reason we leave these people and the reason we were in SMs is that almost all of us had a major imbalance in compassion flows in our relationships.
My ex, and I monitored this, only asked me TWICE in a year how I was or how my day had been. When I raised this - he accused me of lying. I'm sure he hasn't asked me since, but I don't GAF anymore.
warmways - contacting the brother is the right thing to do in this case. You can't stop yourself from caring and nor should you have to, but you should stop yourself from taking action because you need to heal, too.
Post by northstarmom on Nov 2, 2018 8:31:29 GMT -5
My ex never asked me how my day went. He didn’t even when I was calling from a business trip out of town. Toward the end of our 34-year marriage I asked him why and he said he didn’t need to ask because he read my FB, something that didn’t exist when we married in 1979.
I would say the decision to continue contact with an X following separation/divorce is dependent on the way the ending took place. I have remained friends with my X. we see each other at church and occasionally go out for a meal or to a movie. If the dissolution was acrimonious with the other person being an a*8hole it's a different story. But if the parting was on friendly terms then it should be possible to remain friends. Being friends does not entail managing their decisions or life. I agree with many of the posters here that both parties must find a way to live their lives differently and successfully navigate through what ever is thrown at them. Ultimately one must be responsible for one's own life and baring some catastrophic event of circumstance, how that life is lived.
Not really. The closest he came to showing concern was when he said he was glad (when I came to the house for my cat) because he said the cat would “comfort me”. And when I had to put him down (18 years old with a cancer diagnosis), he offered a lot of sympathy but didn’t actually come out and ask how I was doing. That’s a good question, thanks.
The reason why I ask is that I DID repeatedly ask my ex during the process (took about 6 months).
She would usually respond with an annoyed "fine". The annoyed tone makes total sense in retrospect. I was leaving her and it fucking sucked for her. She was perfectly happy with her cushy, sexless, loveless life.
Which is why she never cared how I was doing and why your husband seemed to care more about how a cat could comfort you than a fellow human being.
Actions sometimes scream louder than words.
It’s so true. I think action almost always speaks louder than words. I’m starting to really let go. It just takes me a looooooooooong time and that is one reason I’m grateful for all of you to bear with this learning experience.