The article appears to say pretty much the same things as is seen in this group, but worded a bit different.
You try to sort it out yourself....scented candling and suchlike You call in a professional if you can't sort it out all by yourself....marital counselling and suchlike If you still can't work it out you start sorting your own shit out....individual counselling and suchlike Plug into your support network See a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how all the nuances of a divorce would shake out for you...."get informed" the article suggests Take some time, and make a fully informed choice whether you are staying or going - and own it.
But this "when" to make the call has only individual answers I think. For me, it was measured in decades. Member surfergirl was something in the order of months.
But I'll offer you this observation (based on my observations here and on the old EP group) - I haven't seen too many - if any - stories here where people left and I got the feeling that they "left too quickly" or "didn't try hard enough" or as this Sonja Jensen says "threw it away at the drop of a hat".
Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 28, 2018 8:32:05 GMT -5
I agree that it echoes things we say here. Communicate. If you can’t honestly communicate, because your partner won’t hear or they become defensive or torment you when you’re vulnerable- it sounds doomed. Get help. If you & partner are both working hard to help each other and it’s still not working, then professional intervention seems worth a shot. If your partner flat out refuses to go, does not see a problem, or attends but will not engage or will only be defensive and blaming - then it seems doomed. Find out about divorce - arm yourself with knowledge from a real lawyer. You may find out that your state has shitty alimony or child custody laws. You may decide that’s not worth it and you find a way to make roommate situation work out longer until child support or visitation isn’t an issue. Or you may find out the longer you stay the shittier the alimony and decide to bail sooner rather than later. You can’t make an informed move without this information. No matter which way you’re leaning, what your mind thinks or your heart wishes for - get informed with facts from experts. And it sort of ultimately comes down to: what can you live with? Like endthegame describing his recent experience - sometimes you just wake up one day and know that you can’t live like this anymore. The getting out is the only right move. And then you know. That was pretty much my experience too. I just knew. There would be no point in professionals other than divorce lawyers. There was no more hope that it could change or that I could live with it like it was. There was no more denial left that maybe normal marriages feel this miserable most of the time. I just knew. And I knew the action step would have to be mine. Good luck finding your clarity.
I switched my focus from my missus on to myself, renewed friendships I had let lapse, got involved in community things, went back to coaching aussie rules football.......all manner of things I found fulfilling and meaningful.
My marriage wasn't much of a deal, but my life generally was pretty good as I recall, but bear in mind that was quite a while ago.
I didn't find it that hard to keep 'marriage' and 'life' in separate boxes.....for some considerable time. But it proved to be unsustainable.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: Tamara answered me yesterday. She and her partner are moving into a house next week. It's probably about as good as is possible. She didn't comment on the situation with her daughter.
Sept 17, 2019 17:46:02 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Thanks for the update; just hope she is happy
Sept 17, 2019 19:49:55 GMT -5
workingonit: Elkclan2 my son's gerbil escaped at the same time as his pet snake. I did not think it was a coincidence!
Sept 17, 2019 20:40:26 GMT -5
hopingforachange: Wow, is been forever since I read the shoutbox.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:01 GMT -5
hopingforachange: I need to set up another Skype session.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:16 GMT -5
sme935: Not quite sure if anyone reads it but if there is a female in the Chicago area (40-60 years old) who is interested in chatting with me drop me a message or look at my profile for messenger screenname;
Sept 19, 2019 9:09:33 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Another Skype session would be great!
Sept 21, 2019 10:51:02 GMT -5
elkclan2: Gerbil was recaptured unharmed. Turns out my cat is good at opening gerbil cages, but not good at catching gerbils.
Sept 27, 2019 8:10:33 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Yay! Glad to hear the critter is okay.
Sept 28, 2019 20:44:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: elkclan2....don't feed cat for a couple days, cat will become very proficient at catching gerbil
Sept 29, 2019 14:15:01 GMT -5
javba: Hi folks been gone a minute [several minutes actually] What is the skype we're referencing?
Oct 1, 2019 8:55:44 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: javba, once in a while someone sets up a group Skype chat, so we can see each other and chat. I have a Skype account with my user name from here for them. One hasn't happened in a long time...
Oct 6, 2019 9:55:29 GMT -5
wewbwb: I'm pretty sure that it was seeing my ass.
Oct 6, 2019 15:21:29 GMT -5
petrushka: you breed donkeys?
Oct 10, 2019 6:05:03 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday shamwow….
Oct 11, 2019 9:02:53 GMT -5
worksforme2: I knew it was going to happen..the seasons here have jumped from summer to almost winter..months of hot, dry days and nights then a week later it is rain and temps in the low 40's at night...there goes my regressing effort this year
Oct 17, 2019 7:24:46 GMT -5
worksforme2: whoops..I meant re-grassing...I don't need to do any regressing...
Oct 17, 2019 11:39:34 GMT -5
donp: Help, No sex for 1 year. I think I have lost my mind.
Oct 17, 2019 13:21:05 GMT -5
javba: Agree donp - why would you NOT lose your mind, Rub one out - it helps for about 12 hours :-)
Oct 17, 2019 14:06:18 GMT -5
worksforme2: donp,...you think you have lost your mind... so you aren't positive... think about it some more and then let us know what you decide...
Oct 17, 2019 14:22:10 GMT -5