The article appears to say pretty much the same things as is seen in this group, but worded a bit different.
You try to sort it out yourself....scented candling and suchlike You call in a professional if you can't sort it out all by yourself....marital counselling and suchlike If you still can't work it out you start sorting your own shit out....individual counselling and suchlike Plug into your support network See a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how all the nuances of a divorce would shake out for you...."get informed" the article suggests Take some time, and make a fully informed choice whether you are staying or going - and own it.
But this "when" to make the call has only individual answers I think. For me, it was measured in decades. Member surfergirl was something in the order of months.
But I'll offer you this observation (based on my observations here and on the old EP group) - I haven't seen too many - if any - stories here where people left and I got the feeling that they "left too quickly" or "didn't try hard enough" or as this Sonja Jensen says "threw it away at the drop of a hat".
Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 28, 2018 8:32:05 GMT -5
I agree that it echoes things we say here. Communicate. If you can’t honestly communicate, because your partner won’t hear or they become defensive or torment you when you’re vulnerable- it sounds doomed. Get help. If you & partner are both working hard to help each other and it’s still not working, then professional intervention seems worth a shot. If your partner flat out refuses to go, does not see a problem, or attends but will not engage or will only be defensive and blaming - then it seems doomed. Find out about divorce - arm yourself with knowledge from a real lawyer. You may find out that your state has shitty alimony or child custody laws. You may decide that’s not worth it and you find a way to make roommate situation work out longer until child support or visitation isn’t an issue. Or you may find out the longer you stay the shittier the alimony and decide to bail sooner rather than later. You can’t make an informed move without this information. No matter which way you’re leaning, what your mind thinks or your heart wishes for - get informed with facts from experts. And it sort of ultimately comes down to: what can you live with? Like endthegame describing his recent experience - sometimes you just wake up one day and know that you can’t live like this anymore. The getting out is the only right move. And then you know. That was pretty much my experience too. I just knew. There would be no point in professionals other than divorce lawyers. There was no more hope that it could change or that I could live with it like it was. There was no more denial left that maybe normal marriages feel this miserable most of the time. I just knew. And I knew the action step would have to be mine. Good luck finding your clarity.
I switched my focus from my missus on to myself, renewed friendships I had let lapse, got involved in community things, went back to coaching aussie rules football.......all manner of things I found fulfilling and meaningful.
My marriage wasn't much of a deal, but my life generally was pretty good as I recall, but bear in mind that was quite a while ago.
I didn't find it that hard to keep 'marriage' and 'life' in separate boxes.....for some considerable time. But it proved to be unsustainable.
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! So glad to hear you had a great day
Jan 19, 2019 16:34:01 GMT -5
worksforme2: anyone hear anything lately from mrslowmaintenance or smartkat?
Jan 24, 2019 18:06:02 GMT -5
petrushka: Just saw the forecast for Mildura at 47C -- I hope you and Ms. Enna are going to be ok Baz. That's getting dangerous.
Jan 24, 2019 20:10:00 GMT -5
lifeinwoodinville: I last heard from mrslowmaintenance about a month ago. I have been in regular contact with her for the last year and a half. I feel comfortable in saying that her situation remains unchanged. If you want to know more PM me.
Jan 25, 2019 22:36:50 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey baza,...I know it's hot and dry down under. N.C. is having record rainfall. I would gladly trade some rain for some sunshine....
Feb 22, 2019 20:28:35 GMT -5
tamara68: Today it's steak and blowjob day! I suppose the steak is for those who don't get a blowjob.
Mar 14, 2019 16:49:49 GMT -5
petrushka: tamara68 Laughing with tears in my eyes. And my steak is going to be semolina gruel, due to some tummy upset :-\
Mar 15, 2019 1:11:10 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: So sad to hear the news from New Zealand. Boston Strong supports Kiwi Strong!!
Mar 15, 2019 7:46:22 GMT -5
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5