The article appears to say pretty much the same things as is seen in this group, but worded a bit different.
You try to sort it out yourself....scented candling and suchlike You call in a professional if you can't sort it out all by yourself....marital counselling and suchlike If you still can't work it out you start sorting your own shit out....individual counselling and suchlike Plug into your support network See a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how all the nuances of a divorce would shake out for you...."get informed" the article suggests Take some time, and make a fully informed choice whether you are staying or going - and own it.
But this "when" to make the call has only individual answers I think. For me, it was measured in decades. Member surfergirl was something in the order of months.
But I'll offer you this observation (based on my observations here and on the old EP group) - I haven't seen too many - if any - stories here where people left and I got the feeling that they "left too quickly" or "didn't try hard enough" or as this Sonja Jensen says "threw it away at the drop of a hat".
Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 28, 2018 8:32:05 GMT -5
I agree that it echoes things we say here. Communicate. If you can’t honestly communicate, because your partner won’t hear or they become defensive or torment you when you’re vulnerable- it sounds doomed. Get help. If you & partner are both working hard to help each other and it’s still not working, then professional intervention seems worth a shot. If your partner flat out refuses to go, does not see a problem, or attends but will not engage or will only be defensive and blaming - then it seems doomed. Find out about divorce - arm yourself with knowledge from a real lawyer. You may find out that your state has shitty alimony or child custody laws. You may decide that’s not worth it and you find a way to make roommate situation work out longer until child support or visitation isn’t an issue. Or you may find out the longer you stay the shittier the alimony and decide to bail sooner rather than later. You can’t make an informed move without this information. No matter which way you’re leaning, what your mind thinks or your heart wishes for - get informed with facts from experts. And it sort of ultimately comes down to: what can you live with? Like endthegame describing his recent experience - sometimes you just wake up one day and know that you can’t live like this anymore. The getting out is the only right move. And then you know. That was pretty much my experience too. I just knew. There would be no point in professionals other than divorce lawyers. There was no more hope that it could change or that I could live with it like it was. There was no more denial left that maybe normal marriages feel this miserable most of the time. I just knew. And I knew the action step would have to be mine. Good luck finding your clarity.
misssunnybunny: I'm also very sad to see that andie is gone
Oct 22, 2018 16:25:07 GMT -5
jim44444: hmisssunnybunny not only did andie delete her existence here she also deleted her tumblr account. Maybe her hubby found her online postings.
Oct 22, 2018 19:52:59 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Oh, no! Hope she is okay...
Oct 22, 2018 20:00:25 GMT -5
solodriver: I'm sad andie is gone too. She reached out to me when I first joined the group at a time when I was really sick, and talked to me everyday until I was well again and shared a lot of her stories with me.
Oct 22, 2018 20:58:28 GMT -5
isthisit: Apologies for being a techno numpty- can anyone help me to send a PM? When I choose the member as a recipient the error message indicating a staff member is required. Eh?
Nov 6, 2018 15:03:40 GMT -5
solodriver: isthisit you cannot send PMs until your membership changes to member
Nov 6, 2018 21:41:58 GMT -5
isthisit: Thanks solodriver and shynjdude for your replies. Is there some info somewhere about these divisions? I have had a mooch around and haven't come across it yet.
Nov 8, 2018 10:22:28 GMT -5
solodriver: I think it is/was under the Welcome tab, but not sure where.
Nov 8, 2018 21:52:19 GMT -5