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Post by elkclan2 on Oct 16, 2018 5:30:40 GMT -5
Sorry couldnt figure out a better title. So on a different message board I have often seen a woman (thr board is geared mostly towards women) saying how she doesnt feel confident, sexy, desirable.... etc because her husband wont have sex with her, wont look at her, but will break his neck for other women. And other posters will tell her it's a 100% her issue, that it's not his job to make her feel confident, and that she shouldnt rely on someone else. I dont understand. How? How can the husbands actions have no bearing in how she feels. How can they say that to her? How can you feel confident and sexy than the one person that is supposed to find you desirable and beautiful acts as if you are absolutely the opposite... I would argue that by entering into a marriage, both parties are agreeing to accept the job of caring for their spouses' emotional needs. If you married the person, it IS your job to make the person you married feel wanted and desired. Yes, yes, yes! h It's not JUST your job. You can't do more than the other person - I mean if someone wants to wallow in self-pity it's not your job to perpetually prop them up - but marriage is definitely about having each other's back in material and emotional matters.
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Post by flashjohn on Oct 16, 2018 15:41:39 GMT -5
As much as I wish it wasn't true, I wish that my refuser's actions had not affected me. But her continued rejections, emotional abuse, and verbal insults really affected my self-esteem. I am lucky that I kept as much self-esteem as I could.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 18, 2018 11:53:26 GMT -5
Is it not the spouses responsibility to make their spouse feel sexy?
Let us assume that it is generally accepted in this society that sex is an important part of marriage. Sexual attraction should be part of that, and the mutual affection that goes along with that. If her man is not "into" her, why are they still together?
Just like sex itself, if she is not being appreciated within the marriage, I see no issue with her seeking appreciation outside the marriage.
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Post by mescaline on Oct 18, 2018 14:33:30 GMT -5
The problem there Ironhamster is that to refusers sex isn't normally a part of marriage. Certainly in my case my wife argues our relationship is normal. With that kind of logic there is very little else to say.
We all suffer from self delusions to an extent, some of us recognise them. Some of us don't...
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 18, 2018 21:33:09 GMT -5
The problem there Ironhamster is that to refusers sex isn't normally a part of marriage. Certainly in my case my wife argues our relationship is normal. With that kind of logic there is very little else to say. We all suffer from self delusions to an extent, some of us recognise them. Some of us don't... That, is indeed the problem. I hate the idea that this sexual refusal is in any way buttressed by people in a community that should be offering support. Her husband is an ass for not just ignoring his wife but humiliating her. My wife frustrated me for years, and I am sure you have had the same sort of thing happen to you, but, I cannot accuse my wife of having a wondering eye. It was bad enough realizing I was not sexy to her. I cannot imagine how crushing it would feel if she was obviously checking out other guys in addition to ignoring me.
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Post by tinymouse on Oct 23, 2018 17:23:41 GMT -5
The problem there Ironhamster is that to refusers sex isn't normally a part of marriage. Certainly in my case my wife argues our relationship is normal. With that kind of logic there is very little else to say. We all suffer from self delusions to an extent, some of us recognise them. Some of us don't... That, is indeed the problem. I hate the idea that this sexual refusal is in any way buttressed by people in a community that should be offering support. Her husband is an ass for not just ignoring his wife but humiliating her. My wife frustrated me for years, and I am sure you have had the same sort of thing happen to you, but, I cannot accuse my wife of having a wondering eye. It was bad enough realizing I was not sexy to her. I cannot imagine how crushing it would feel if she was obviously checking out other guys in addition to ignoring me. I will tell you. It 8s absolutely devastating. I've been there because that's how it was with my ex. You can't help but feel that the issue is you since they are obviously still checking out others
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