"And marruage should really be that place we come home to. That person that can hold you and make you feel right for just a moment. Make the world fall away. If that is not what we have... why the fuck are we still here."
YES that's exactly what it is supposed to be. I finally woke up to that this summer. My plan is next year at this time to be in a different place and hopefully with some intimacy and love again.
It’s hard to continue to love someone romantically who doesn’t love you back in the way you need to feel like a whole person.
This upset me so much I couldn't reply immediately. My son - as yet - hasn't had any kind of issues like this and I hope he never does. But from his infancy I was alone. I can remember my ex making big drama about refusing to help me out with stuff that needed to be done that was literally the work of a minute or two - things I was doing to keep the house from falling into disrepair that I was doing on my own that i sometimes just needed a quick second pair of hands with.
They refuse sex, but they refuse basic stuff, too.
Now I think what you are asking your h to do is a BIG ASK. No more than what he should be doing and shouldn't even have to be asked to do for his own son. I think it's incredibly telling that he thinks his son is trying to come between you two - deliberately! But I bet if you look back your h has refused to do a lot of basic stuff, too. Stuff it wouldn't have cost him much emotional or physical effort. They refuse because they think everything is a zero sum game - anything they give is taking away from them. How utterly selfish.
I know right now you think you can't manage on your own, but I wonder how much extra emotional energy you're having to expend on his failure to meet reasonable expectations.
Life is just f*ing hard. There is so much craziness in this world.so much beauty too but it is kind of a tragic beauty when you really dig in.
And marruage should really be that place we come home to. That person that can hold you and make you feel right for just a moment. Make the world fall away. If that is not what we have... why the fuck are we still here.
I think if you find that you are doing pretty good. Hang onto it
Sister elkclan2 makes a crucial point. You Sister workingonit , have got 3 different problems going. 1 - is the day to day problems of life we all have to deal with. 2 - is the additional problem of managing your kids issue as best you can. 3 - is the dead weight of a non-contributing spouse.
I can't help but think that if you off loaded the dead weight problem, the energy and emotional resources thus freed up, and directed at the kids problem and the day to day problems, might be handled a great deal 'easier' in relative terms.
frednsa: i saw something on the wedding night (in the 60's) should have ended it during the honeymoon. i was played so perfectly. she is so wonderful in almost every other way, so...still wondering...thinking frigidity is a real thing and untreatable
Aug 29, 2019 12:07:04 GMT -5
worksforme2: Tomorrow is Labor Day 2019, no big plans for the day....thinking seriously of going commando
Sept 1, 2019 11:37:07 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey ironhamster...I just saw your picture on another site and your head wasn't covered. You actually look better without the bandana....
Sept 2, 2019 11:54:55 GMT -5
javba: Dunno Iron Hamster - I have not seen your other photo - I think you ROCK anyways.
Sept 4, 2019 10:11:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happened across Tamara68 on another site, messaged her but she didn't respond...
Sept 15, 2019 13:13:02 GMT -5
elkclan2: Dealing with an escaped gerbil. Fun times.
Sept 16, 2019 13:01:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: 1. Hope tamara is doing well. 2. Elkclan2, did you catch the critter???
Sept 17, 2019 15:40:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Tamara answered me yesterday. She and her partner are moving into a house next week. It's probably about as good as is possible. She didn't comment on the situation with her daughter.
Sept 17, 2019 17:46:02 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Thanks for the update; just hope she is happy
Sept 17, 2019 19:49:55 GMT -5
workingonit: Elkclan2 my son's gerbil escaped at the same time as his pet snake. I did not think it was a coincidence!
Sept 17, 2019 20:40:26 GMT -5
hopingforachange: Wow, is been forever since I read the shoutbox.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:01 GMT -5
hopingforachange: I need to set up another Skype session.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:16 GMT -5
sme935: Not quite sure if anyone reads it but if there is a female in the Chicago area (40-60 years old) who is interested in chatting with me drop me a message or look at my profile for messenger screenname;
Sept 19, 2019 9:09:33 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Another Skype session would be great!
Sept 21, 2019 10:51:02 GMT -5