"And marruage should really be that place we come home to. That person that can hold you and make you feel right for just a moment. Make the world fall away. If that is not what we have... why the fuck are we still here."
YES that's exactly what it is supposed to be. I finally woke up to that this summer. My plan is next year at this time to be in a different place and hopefully with some intimacy and love again.
It’s hard to continue to love someone romantically who doesn’t love you back in the way you need to feel like a whole person.
This upset me so much I couldn't reply immediately. My son - as yet - hasn't had any kind of issues like this and I hope he never does. But from his infancy I was alone. I can remember my ex making big drama about refusing to help me out with stuff that needed to be done that was literally the work of a minute or two - things I was doing to keep the house from falling into disrepair that I was doing on my own that i sometimes just needed a quick second pair of hands with.
They refuse sex, but they refuse basic stuff, too.
Now I think what you are asking your h to do is a BIG ASK. No more than what he should be doing and shouldn't even have to be asked to do for his own son. I think it's incredibly telling that he thinks his son is trying to come between you two - deliberately! But I bet if you look back your h has refused to do a lot of basic stuff, too. Stuff it wouldn't have cost him much emotional or physical effort. They refuse because they think everything is a zero sum game - anything they give is taking away from them. How utterly selfish.
I know right now you think you can't manage on your own, but I wonder how much extra emotional energy you're having to expend on his failure to meet reasonable expectations.
Life is just f*ing hard. There is so much craziness in this world.so much beauty too but it is kind of a tragic beauty when you really dig in.
And marruage should really be that place we come home to. That person that can hold you and make you feel right for just a moment. Make the world fall away. If that is not what we have... why the fuck are we still here.
I think if you find that you are doing pretty good. Hang onto it
Sister elkclan2 makes a crucial point. You Sister workingonit , have got 3 different problems going. 1 - is the day to day problems of life we all have to deal with. 2 - is the additional problem of managing your kids issue as best you can. 3 - is the dead weight of a non-contributing spouse.
I can't help but think that if you off loaded the dead weight problem, the energy and emotional resources thus freed up, and directed at the kids problem and the day to day problems, might be handled a great deal 'easier' in relative terms.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5