|
Post by h on Nov 20, 2018 6:34:48 GMT -5
Then it looks like you have thought this through and made a decision. Personally, if I were already 70 then I may have made the same decision. Only you are uniquely qualified to make that determination. Good luck to you and I sincerely hope that you find a way to live with your decision without letting resentment build up.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Nov 20, 2018 11:43:48 GMT -5
Hopingforachange, I respectfully disagree. We, neither, gave any credence to, whatever, our wedding vows were. The silly ceremony was just what was necessary to legalize the marriage in Dillon, SC (South of the Border) when we married. We simply drove down there from where we lived in NC because it was the quickest and easiest way to get sleeping together legal. And I don't think that sex is necessarily an obligation in a relationship. There are just times that one or the other just isn't ready. So I don't think my wife has broken any vows or obligations. I do, however, question her not suggesting some kind of open marriage. I know that, the situation being reversed, I would. But unless, and until, she did make the suggestion, in complete honesty, I'm just not interested in finding a FWB. I really don't want to cheat on her, I'd prefer cheating with her. I'd want the other woman to know that she knows. For me, perfect would be, another couple in the same situation but it being the husband no longer interested. And in a Utopian world, my wife and the other husband could also be friends and maybe take off down to Disney for the day while the other wife and I have our private time. Quite a male perspective. Women think quite differently than us, brother.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 20, 2018 12:22:02 GMT -5
Rich, From what you've posted, sounds like both of you may be getting the main things you want from marriage. You are getting the companionship of a much younger wife. She is getting a rich (I'm assuming that from your name) or at least financially secure husband whom she doesn't mind being around.
|
|
rich
New Member
Married for 40 fucking years and six more.
Posts: 11
Age Range: 66-70
|
Post by rich on Nov 21, 2018 4:31:46 GMT -5
Actually, northstarmom, I was 23 and she was 19 when we met. I guess you could say she was a youngster but not what you might have been thinking.
And my handle is my first name. Now I must admit that it's been misinterpreted many times. I can recall numerous occasions when I introduced myself to some young blonde and their blue eyes lit up when I said, "Hi, I'm Rich", LOL!
We are financially secure because we're both retired with good retirements. I'm a retired FED and she's a retired educator.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 21, 2018 8:54:51 GMT -5
Rich, you are right! I thought you were 70 and she was about 35! And I thought you were a multimillionaire!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2018 20:32:58 GMT -5
Feeling really down about everything tonight. I keep telling myself something will change. But I have no idea what will spark the change or why I even still have hope for change. There’s is no hint that anything will be better. If there wasn’t family and kids involved would I even try? Would you? I have moments of hope and signs of change. Sadly they never last. If this weren't my 2nd marriage and my kids hadn't already gotten so attached to him, I'm quite certain I would have left by now. That said, leaving is still a very real possibility for me. I hope you are having a better night tonight than the night you wrote this.
|
|
|
Post by lwoetin on Dec 9, 2018 1:23:48 GMT -5
Feeling really down about everything tonight. I keep telling myself something will change. But I have no idea what will spark the change or why I even still have hope for change. There’s is no hint that anything will be better. If there wasn’t family and kids involved would I even try? Would you? I have moments of hope and signs of change. Sadly they never last. If this weren't my 2nd marriage and my kids hadn't already gotten so attached to him, I'm quite certain I would have left by now. That said, leaving is still a very real possibility for me. I hope you are having a better night tonight than the night you wrote this. I have no idea either what will spark the change but I still have hope that it will happen. As long as there is mutual love then I think it will keep the hope up. Staying just for the kids has a time limit. Eventually we have to stay/not stay for the spouse. I hang around happy married couples and assume they are not doing it often. I hang around happy workaholics and assume they are not doing it often. No one talks about sex anyway. George and Barbara Bush were happily married for 73yrs and I just can't imagine them doing it that much. Happiness is achievable perhaps without a vibrant sexual component in one's life. We don't have to do what mammals do in the Discovery Channel. (Not that there's anything wrong with it.)
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Dec 9, 2018 1:58:53 GMT -5
Feeling really down about everything tonight. I keep telling myself something will change. But I have no idea what will spark the change or why I even still have hope for change. There’s is no hint that anything will be better. If there wasn’t family and kids involved would I even try? Would you? In answer to your question, I have stayed in my current relationship for the last 10-15 years to a larger and lesser extent for the benefit of my lovely children.... at much cost to myself, so no without them I would have escaped ages ago. Like you, the ‘ larger and lesser’ bit refers to the slow and soul destroying dwindling of hope that things will change. Evidence within ILIASM suggests that this is a common trajectory in circumstances such as ours. Today I am not sure that I would welcome an unexpected turnaround. Despite passionately hoping for change in the past, things have gone far too far and I am patiently waiting it out for around another 18 months. I recognise your despair, and wish you well for an improved future, whatever that looks like for you.
|
|
|
Post by cassiopeia92 on May 12, 2019 4:30:08 GMT -5
Feeling really down about everything tonight. I keep telling myself something will change. But I have no idea what will spark the change or why I even still have hope for change. There’s is no hint that anything will be better. If there wasn’t family and kids involved would I even try? Would you? I think if you choose to stay you have to do it knowing nothing will change. I have made a choice with that knowledge. My second marriage has been the samd disaster my first was. I dint believe in romantic love anymore,that led me to make disastrous decisions in my life. The next question I want to answer is does my H want to stay married. I cant make that decision for him. To decide I want to stay, go or outsource I feel he needs to give input on. Please dont stay expecting any hope of change. Stsy because you want to for all this brings you besides sex.
|
|
|
Post by angeleyes65 on May 12, 2019 10:21:16 GMT -5
Just as a sidebar - relevant to the "my spouse would be crushed if we parted" arguement. There's not a real lot of evidence (in this group) to support this view. Some examples....the spouses of northstarmom , bballgirl , greatcoastal , shamwow , nyartgal , merrygoround to name just a handful. The spouses of these members (after the initial shock) don't appear to have been crushed by the event in any long term sense. Indeed they seem to have conducted their lives quite satisfactorily after divorcing. That's not to suggest you ought make a charge for the exit, just making the point that - in this group - there is very little evidence that your spouse would be *crushed* were the ILIASM deal be ended. Not to throw a wet blanket on the post. I was afraid my spouse would fall apart. Not that he cared I was falling apart. I did everything I could to make it easier on him. I gave him plenty of warnings that I was on my way out of course he says he didn't think I would. I made him more self reliant. I paid off the bills set up his bill pay. Encouraged him to do things with his friends without me. He fell apart . Been 2 years. He has our kids, his mom and myself stressed out. I spend my time walking around saying not my circus not my monkeys. I also did counseling the first year to stay strong. Still glad I left. I blocked him on everything but email. Hoping he will be starting some magnetic therapy soon. He's both a narcissist and suffers from depression. Guess if he couldn't cope he should have treated me right.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on May 12, 2019 11:09:11 GMT -5
Clearly rich you have made peace with your situation. Accepting things as they are is a valid choice. You have made the choice based on years of experience with your W and the relationship. I appreciate your sense of integrity. I don't much agree with it, but I appreciate it none the less. I could not have lived as you have so I divorced, with few regrets and a good deal more sex at age 66.
|
|
|
Post by Vijay on Aug 14, 2019 19:09:35 GMT -5
History has a lot to do with choosing to stay. My wife and I have a long history. If I left, I wouldn't want to find another relationship, so why leave? On October 30th, 2018 we had a serious discussion and that was the day she made it clear that there would be no more sex and she was happy about it. I didn't agree about being happy about it, as much as she tried to get me to. Within a few days she was back to her happy self as though the discussion had never happened. Now, you may ask, why wouldn't I think of leaving her? It's because she'd be crushed and I've always wanted to make her happy. Damn, am I a total fool? And I will always remember that date along with other anniversary dates February 4, 1972 Our first date February 6, 1972 Our first time having intercourse October 30, 2018 The last time we will ever discuss having intercourse again April 29, 2012 Our last time having intercourse
|
|
|
Post by Vijay.. on Aug 14, 2019 19:11:50 GMT -5
I want to stay... But can I just masturbate instead of fretting her for sex... If I can self satisfy.. Can the issue be resolved
|
|
|
Post by baza on Aug 14, 2019 19:29:11 GMT -5
I want to stay... But can I just masturbate instead of fretting her for sex... If I can self satisfy.. Can the issue be resolved "Can the issue be resolved ?" Depends on what you mean by *resolved*. If *resolved* means you being able to change your missus into the person you'd like her to be, then the answer is "no". If *resolved* means to you being able to end the unsatisfactory marriage, then the answer is "yes".
|
|
|
Post by Vijay.. on Aug 14, 2019 20:32:12 GMT -5
I have decided to stay sex or no sex... By resolved I mean I am adding finality to demand for sex... Since I am a Monogamous I am preparing for a sexless life as well... With lot of mastrubation...
|
|