To a wider concept....we ALL need to have some sort of plan about what we'd do and how we'd do it should we find ourselves not married. This applies whether the marriage is made in heaven - or an ILIASM shithole. You need to know how such a scenario might shake out...particularly if you are in the latter.
The reasoning is simple. ALL marriages end. Death or divorce see to that.
I have been known to watch couples in common places, like grocery stores or the mall, and just start crying. I want to be loved, emotionally and physically, so badly...it feels like a scream that just can't be heard. I see what they have and my own want for that is crippling.
I understand. I scream inside "Why not ME!? What is so bad about me that my wife can't/won't show me love and affection and then rejects me when I try to show love and affection?"
I can't and therefore the message is I'm no longer entitled to that from her for whatever her reason is.
Divorce is the only way out of it and seek for a better life.
one would think that after a half century i'd be inured to this unwanted feeling......................NOT ! I'm not going to hurt anyone or myself but i am so depressed, sad, heartached, angry, hurt.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,name others, i'm there too. would sign on for an affair (i'm fit, reasonably good looking, sooooo ready (and, yes, needy which may be a turn-off for potential playmates), did i mention old.........gray hair on top and a fire below.................. don't know where to turn to relieve my pain. this week she pretty much announced that our "sex life" (euphemism for "go ahead of you want to") is over and that never warning me ahead of our marriage that she was asexual was not her fault. (must have been mine) i guess i've read enough suggestions about such troubles that an new, innovative answer will likely not be offered, but if you haven't guessed, i'm extremely patient so..... all the best to others suffering similarly.....
My friend, if you are determined to stay, I would suggest that you seriously consider outsourcing. Don't worry about your age or seeming needy. Just be nice and thoughtful. Try to strike up a respectful conversation with women, and I am sure you will attract them. Since your refuser has given you her permission, you need to go ahead and start looking.
Post by northstarmom on Oct 9, 2018 8:25:24 GMT -5
solodriver said: "What is so bad about me that my wife can't/won't show me love and affection and then rejects me when I try to show love and affection?"
There's probably nothing bad about you. You and your wife are not sexually compatible. She may like your friendship, earning power, sense of humor, intelligence, work ethic, parenting, but she may simply not be attracted to you sexually just as there probably are women whom you like but are not sexually attracted to. Viewing it as sexual incompatibility is much healthier and probably more accurate than viewing it as something fundamentally wrong with you. There likely are women who wouldn't be able to keep their hands off you. it's your choice about whether to outsource,
Twenty years ago, my high libido post SM lover was engaged to a woman who would only have sex with him once a month. He broke their engagement after discovering she was cheating on him. Now he is -- overweight -- about 40 pounds heavier than back then, and is in his mid 60s. I can't keep my hands off him.
The last 8 years of my marriage, I not only was completely celibate due to my h's rejection, but when I moved to snuggle my sleeping husband, he'd move so far away from me he'd almost fall off the bed. Post SM lover careeses my body in his sleep.
Choosing to stay in your marriage doesn't mean you have to choose to view yourself as a bad, undesirable man nor do you have to act like you are one.
solodriver: Happy Birthday shamwow!!
Oct 11, 2018 20:35:02 GMT -5
shynjdude: Andie seems to have deleted her account here. Hope she's OK.
Oct 12, 2018 9:41:52 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Oh, no! I hope she is okay...
Oct 12, 2018 15:31:30 GMT -5
solodriver: Maybe over what happened last weekend with the discussion board men vs. women
Oct 12, 2018 20:42:13 GMT -5
jetcity: Had to have my cat put down today. He was very old and he let us know it was time this morning. My wife went to visit her mother today So now It’s just me, the cats and dog and a couple cold beers. Now that’s a party right?
Oct 12, 2018 21:57:32 GMT -5
solodriver: So sorry jetcity, I've done that many times over the years, never gets any easier.
Oct 12, 2018 22:45:20 GMT -5
jetcity: I managed to create an avatar! The beard and mustache are kind of funky though.
Oct 12, 2018 23:30:07 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Welcome, dontstart! Feel free to post in the introduction thread; not many people see/use the shout box. Read and explore here, and hope you find us a helpful community.
Oct 14, 2018 10:41:21 GMT -5
caballotierra: Hey all, I setup a new account since my W figured out my login and was using my posts against me. Since we're going through divorce, I thought it would be safer to remove my old name. Although I feel attached to it.
Oct 15, 2018 16:12:30 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Oh, wow. Sorry that happened to you!
Oct 15, 2018 16:36:32 GMT -5
caballotierra: Does anyone know how to delete my old account? Right now, it's still searchable, which is a problem.
Oct 16, 2018 12:12:19 GMT -5