I’ve filed and my h is signing the initial papers and getting them to my lawyers office Tuesday…I should be happy. I’m instead full of guilt sadness confusion - everything. Trying to feel my emotions and then let them fall away but they keep coming.
Wondering what to tell my mother in law. Thinking of writing her.
Trying not not to feel bad.
Making lists of all the things he did that were so wrong so I will be angry and instead barely feeling anything. He avoided and ignored me for all this time and I still miss the familiarity. What is wrong with me?
Maybe I stayed too long (18 years) until my healthy feelings of anger and being self protective were stamped out of me.
I keep wanting to reach out to him even though I know it’s unhealthy.
This is is basically a comment…I know I have to be strong and hopefully the emotions won’t keep coming.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist. Maybe that will help! She can talk some sense into me.
There is nothing wrong dear. You are grieving the loss of your marriage. Your therapist will help. Good luck to you. It’s not going to be easy,but you can do it. How is your relationship with your mother-in-law ? Perhaps you can just say irreconcilable differences.
Post by saarinista on Sept 30, 2018 13:23:29 GMT -5
warmways of course youre sad. completely normal. youre grieving the loss of the dream of what you'd hoped would be a happy, lifelong marriage. And as fate would have it it was not to be. It is sad. It makes me sad just to hear you say you're sad.
All I can say is we usually have to go through sad to get to happy. i qish life wasnt like that but it often is. Im glad you're seeing a therapist. i have and continue to do so and couldnt cope without it.
keep us posted.
When things get really bad, remember to keep breathing.
Post by ironhamster on Sept 30, 2018 16:21:21 GMT -5
warmways, this is a complex situation. You can feel happy or sad or angry about any particular thing, but eighteen years of connection is going to create a huge collage of emotions that you can't adequately describe in one word. I do believe you are, or at least will be happy overall, and I think you have a good idea in writing things down. It will help you focus.
Post by greatcoastal on Sept 30, 2018 16:38:48 GMT -5
What you are going through is quite normal. Those foggy feelings (Fear ,Obligation,Guilt). All part of the healing process.
"Through" is the key. This is your Samaria. You are showing grace and truth as you realign your culture! (think of bad past experiences and the good things you learned from them? How it strengthened you? And prepared you for the future.)
Whatever defined your culture in the past can and will be just that. You will , from now on be the thermostat not the thermometer.
You are a new creation, old things have past away. All things become new! (you will face doubt and fear) You are already well on your way by acknowledging that you have problems (don't we all!!)
Grace and truth, in your own life brings an abundance to life like nothing else!
Middle life crisis should not be in your vocabulary, be too busy for that! Nothing can make you more weary than a double standard. ( thank yourself for escaping that)
You can't fill a cup until you poor out the old. Fulfillment comes in being a conduit of grace and truth. Yes you feel like an empty shell right now? Think of it as a clean pallet. As you lean forward you will have a confidence, a glow about yourself, a SEXY body to go along with your new fun and passionate self that the right people will desire and appreciate!
ironhmaster, you see how complicated it is and it’s so great to be understood. I bought a notebook and started writing down all the feelings. It’s like a collage to use your word. The process of writing really helped me focus. Thank you.
bazz …true words as usual from you. I need to stay the course and be patient. Trust that I’m on the right course and stop dreaming that things will happen the way I want them to and when I want them to. Thanks for this insight.
Hugs to you sister. It is an emotional roller coaster but you’ll get through it, I promise.
I’m very proud of you for taking this very difficult but pivotal step. Filing for divorce was the most terrifying 2 weeks of my life. From there, I won’t lie and say it’s been easy, but the highs and lows did become gradually less dramatic. I’m on the other side now and I can honestly say, I haven’t had this much hope for my life since before I met my now ex.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: tamara68 Laughing with tears in my eyes. And my steak is going to be semolina gruel, due to some tummy upset :-\
Mar 15, 2019 1:11:10 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: So sad to hear the news from New Zealand. Boston Strong supports Kiwi Strong!!
Mar 15, 2019 7:46:22 GMT -5
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: The add attachment says a max of 1mb...I see plenty of videos that are way longer than that...how do I do that? My video is 4.97 mbs
Apr 25, 2019 20:10:25 GMT -5
h: The videos posted aren't attached. They are links to videos outside the site.
Apr 26, 2019 14:09:04 GMT -5
sexlessinga: Hi guys just joined
May 10, 2019 20:49:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: @mslowmaintenance….long time no see, welcome back...
May 29, 2019 9:30:25 GMT -5
noregretz: You can never outrun a Grizzly bear, but that's ok. You only have to outrun the person you're with....
Jun 15, 2019 12:28:09 GMT -5
solodriver: or in this case your refuser.
Jun 16, 2019 19:21:47 GMT -5