I’ve filed and my h is signing the initial papers and getting them to my lawyers office Tuesday…I should be happy. I’m instead full of guilt sadness confusion - everything. Trying to feel my emotions and then let them fall away but they keep coming.
Wondering what to tell my mother in law. Thinking of writing her.
Trying not not to feel bad.
Making lists of all the things he did that were so wrong so I will be angry and instead barely feeling anything. He avoided and ignored me for all this time and I still miss the familiarity. What is wrong with me?
Maybe I stayed too long (18 years) until my healthy feelings of anger and being self protective were stamped out of me.
I keep wanting to reach out to him even though I know it’s unhealthy.
This is is basically a comment…I know I have to be strong and hopefully the emotions won’t keep coming.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist. Maybe that will help! She can talk some sense into me.
There is nothing wrong dear. You are grieving the loss of your marriage. Your therapist will help. Good luck to you. It’s not going to be easy,but you can do it. How is your relationship with your mother-in-law ? Perhaps you can just say irreconcilable differences.
Post by saarinista on Sept 30, 2018 13:23:29 GMT -5
warmways of course youre sad. completely normal. youre grieving the loss of the dream of what you'd hoped would be a happy, lifelong marriage. And as fate would have it it was not to be. It is sad. It makes me sad just to hear you say you're sad.
All I can say is we usually have to go through sad to get to happy. i qish life wasnt like that but it often is. Im glad you're seeing a therapist. i have and continue to do so and couldnt cope without it.
keep us posted.
When things get really bad, remember to keep breathing.
Post by ironhamster on Sept 30, 2018 16:21:21 GMT -5
warmways, this is a complex situation. You can feel happy or sad or angry about any particular thing, but eighteen years of connection is going to create a huge collage of emotions that you can't adequately describe in one word. I do believe you are, or at least will be happy overall, and I think you have a good idea in writing things down. It will help you focus.
Post by greatcoastal on Sept 30, 2018 16:38:48 GMT -5
What you are going through is quite normal. Those foggy feelings (Fear ,Obligation,Guilt). All part of the healing process.
"Through" is the key. This is your Samaria. You are showing grace and truth as you realign your culture! (think of bad past experiences and the good things you learned from them? How it strengthened you? And prepared you for the future.)
Whatever defined your culture in the past can and will be just that. You will , from now on be the thermostat not the thermometer.
You are a new creation, old things have past away. All things become new! (you will face doubt and fear) You are already well on your way by acknowledging that you have problems (don't we all!!)
Grace and truth, in your own life brings an abundance to life like nothing else!
Middle life crisis should not be in your vocabulary, be too busy for that! Nothing can make you more weary than a double standard. ( thank yourself for escaping that)
You can't fill a cup until you poor out the old. Fulfillment comes in being a conduit of grace and truth. Yes you feel like an empty shell right now? Think of it as a clean pallet. As you lean forward you will have a confidence, a glow about yourself, a SEXY body to go along with your new fun and passionate self that the right people will desire and appreciate!
ironhmaster, you see how complicated it is and it’s so great to be understood. I bought a notebook and started writing down all the feelings. It’s like a collage to use your word. The process of writing really helped me focus. Thank you.
bazz …true words as usual from you. I need to stay the course and be patient. Trust that I’m on the right course and stop dreaming that things will happen the way I want them to and when I want them to. Thanks for this insight.
Hugs to you sister. It is an emotional roller coaster but you’ll get through it, I promise.
I’m very proud of you for taking this very difficult but pivotal step. Filing for divorce was the most terrifying 2 weeks of my life. From there, I won’t lie and say it’s been easy, but the highs and lows did become gradually less dramatic. I’m on the other side now and I can honestly say, I haven’t had this much hope for my life since before I met my now ex.
solodriver: Happy Birthday shamwow!!
Oct 11, 2018 20:35:02 GMT -5
shynjdude: Andie seems to have deleted her account here. Hope she's OK.
Oct 12, 2018 9:41:52 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Oh, no! I hope she is okay...
Oct 12, 2018 15:31:30 GMT -5
solodriver: Maybe over what happened last weekend with the discussion board men vs. women
Oct 12, 2018 20:42:13 GMT -5
jetcity: Had to have my cat put down today. He was very old and he let us know it was time this morning. My wife went to visit her mother today So now It’s just me, the cats and dog and a couple cold beers. Now that’s a party right?
Oct 12, 2018 21:57:32 GMT -5
solodriver: So sorry jetcity, I've done that many times over the years, never gets any easier.
Oct 12, 2018 22:45:20 GMT -5
jetcity: I managed to create an avatar! The beard and mustache are kind of funky though.
Oct 12, 2018 23:30:07 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Welcome, dontstart! Feel free to post in the introduction thread; not many people see/use the shout box. Read and explore here, and hope you find us a helpful community.
Oct 14, 2018 10:41:21 GMT -5
caballotierra: Hey all, I setup a new account since my W figured out my login and was using my posts against me. Since we're going through divorce, I thought it would be safer to remove my old name. Although I feel attached to it.
Oct 15, 2018 16:12:30 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Oh, wow. Sorry that happened to you!
Oct 15, 2018 16:36:32 GMT -5