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Post by choosinghappy on Dec 30, 2018 20:55:51 GMT -5
Clarity.
I am not going to say “I’m sorry”. I know it’s hard but take it from me: you have received the best “Christmas” present possible: Clarity. SO much about your last update is so familiar with how it went down at the end of my marriage too. The narcissism about how he’s affected, no mention at all about me besides the role I play in providing him a home and family. It’s bullshit. You are amazing and worthy of SO MUCH MORE. Take time to grieve, be upset, be sad, because this is a big effing deal of course, but be grateful for that gift you’ve been given. I was also given the gift of clarity and I fucking ran with it and never looked back. These last 6 months have been wonderful and things are only getting better. They will get better for you too. (((HUGS)))
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 30, 2018 21:31:21 GMT -5
Clarity:
Looking back I remember my posts being sprinkled with such thoughts:
Another nail in the coffin.
Thank you for confirming that I am making the right decision.
A one way street paved with double standards.
Selfish ,rude, arrogant, childish behavior.
Take, take, take, all about them, not one ounce of giving or consideration about how it affects others.
Another fine example of how the label "manipulative controller" fits our spouses.
Now comes a difficult lesson (one you have experienced in other aspects of your life), a time to say, " Thank you God for trials and tribulations. Thank you for showing me that there actually IS JOY to be found in times of sorrow, times of mental abuse, and having your trust taken advantage of. Thank you for the CLARITY so I will NOT be fooled again. Thank you for showing me that I need to be true to myself!!"
Keep your eyes on the prize as you move forward! Continue to heal.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 30, 2018 21:32:24 GMT -5
((((HUGS))))
It will be a few months before I'm able to have "The Talk" with my refuser, and I also have no doubt it will be similar to what you and choosinghappy experienced. Her response will be all about her, what will happen to her, etc. etc. even though I warned her several time in the past 3 years and as recently as July this year that I was very unhappy and things needed to change. Suggestions that I proposed were ignored or flat out rejected.
Hang in there and come here when you need to. We are here for you and sending you our best wishes! You deserve better and you will have better. Reread the threads from choosinghappy and shamwow and ballofconfusion for inspiration as often as needed. Those threads and posts are what gets me through day to day.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 30, 2018 21:51:57 GMT -5
((((HUGS)))) It will be a few months before I'm able to have "The Talk" with my refuser, and I also have no doubt it will be similar to what you and choosinghappy experienced. Her response will be all about her, what will happen to her, etc. etc. even though I warned her several time in the past 3 years and as recently as July this year that I was very unhappy and things needed to change. Suggestions that I proposed were ignored or flat out rejected. Just a reminder, the second -and in some polls,first- leading factor to breakups and divorce is....money. ie power, control, and manipulation. Everything about them will revolve around money. Proving how low YOU are on their priority list. And how high the money issue will be in the divorce. Want to know what/ who your partner truly is? Take them to court.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 30, 2018 21:55:58 GMT -5
((((HUGS)))) It will be a few months before I'm able to have "The Talk" with my refuser, and I also have no doubt it will be similar to what you and choosinghappy experienced. Her response will be all about her, what will happen to her, etc. etc. even though I warned her several time in the past 3 years and as recently as July this year that I was very unhappy and things needed to change. Suggestions that I proposed were ignored or flat out rejected. Just a reminder, the second -and in some polls,first- leading factor to breakups and divorce is....money. ie power, control, and manipulation. Everything about them will revolve around money. Proving how low YOU are on their priority list. And how high the money issue will be in the divorce. Want to know what/ who your partner truly is? Take them to court. Well I'm sure as hell not looking forward to it, but the only way to the other side is through it. Before executing my exit plan I'm trying to make sure that I have the emotional and moral support that I will need to get through it. Right now I don't have a lot, but each day that I go through this I build myself up more and more and feel stronger and more positive that this is the right direction to take, especially when I see the potential life I can be living versus the life I'm currently living.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 30, 2018 22:18:40 GMT -5
Just a reminder, the second -and in some polls,first- leading factor to breakups and divorce is....money. ie power, control, and manipulation. Everything about them will revolve around money. Proving how low YOU are on their priority list. And how high the money issue will be in the divorce. Want to know what/ who your partner truly is? Take them to court. Well I'm sure as hell not looking forward to it, but the only way to the other side is through it. Before executing my exit plan I'm trying to make sure that I have the emotional and moral support that I will need to get through it. Right now I don't have a lot, but each day that I go through this I build myself up more and more and feel stronger and more positive that this is the right direction to take, especially when I see the potential life I can be living versus the life I'm currently living. Stay strong my friend! Continue to remind yourself, that you are not like them, and that you have your priorities in the right place. And that you will bring those priorities to the table to someone who will value it, and appreciate it!
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