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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 2, 2018 11:55:29 GMT -5
Glad to see there is some interest from others. Ill post some observations along the way. There are so many of them. Hope that they help others who might be curious. One of the keys to this game is there are algorithms involved. As an engineer my natural inclination is to figure these out. Having worked with engineers and product development all my life I get a sense for some of the logic. That may be advantageous. Kind of like coutning cards when playing blackjack. You bet big when the odds are in your favour. But the trick is understanding when that is. The quoted staement above was from me to my friend. For context, he was asking me how I handled the resentment that builds. @daddeo- I couldn’t tell if the “before you judge” statement was from you or your friend. I would be the very last person to judge you on this- believe me. I’ve had my share of angst about my situation and agree with your friend’s assessment. But- coming on the heals of your post on Saturday, I was a tad bit concerned. You don’t need a nasty court battle over your kids because your wife thinks you’ve “wronged” her. I really can’t wait for some of the responses you’ll be getting. You and greatcoastal putting yourselves out there for us has been very interesting and educational and I appreciate your efforts.
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Post by Handy on Oct 2, 2018 14:25:07 GMT -5
Daddeeo, I am also interested in the results of you posting as a man and posting as a woman on dating sites. I am so in the dark about new relationships other than what I read about.
One place where I read the women dating actual men often talk about what sounds like a perfect guy but there is NO CHEMISTRY with the guy. And then they meet someone that sounds like they shouls pass and the chemistry is so strong that is the only guy for which they have the hots.
I would also like to know how money plays into some of your adventures. One guy said he budgets $500 a month for dates. I don't see that as being possible for most men, well not in my social circles of coupon users.
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Post by baza on Oct 2, 2018 18:04:42 GMT -5
Been reading through your back stories Brother TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo - looking for whether you have the legal advice / exit strategy etc part of the deal in hand. It doesn't look like you have. Is that the case ? If so, then I think you'd do well to get that legal advice / exit strategy stuff attended to BEFORE you launch off on the highly adventurous cheating option, with all its' unpredictable consequences. Not saying "don't do it". Am saying "prepare as diligently as you can now for the highly likely outcome later".
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 2, 2018 21:47:20 GMT -5
No legal advice, yet. So definitely noted. The exit strategy is coming together quite well. The planned runway is 3-5 years. In my defence there is no affair or evidence of affair so there is nothing to blow up. What there is evidence of is intent. And Ive taken measures to make it difficult to tie that evidence back to me. For all you know, Daddeeo might be your long lost cousin Samuel in South Africa. Additionally, suppose the evidence of intent is brought to bear. My W may be fiery but she is not so reckless as to create a situation where the quality of of life for 4 kids is put at risk. This will change ina few years no doubt. Hence the 5 year runway. The ties that bond go much beyond the financial. I suppose that is cliche but it also happens to be true in this case. Maybe I am being naive at this or maybe Ive done the math and Im comfortable with the odds given my risk profile that may differ from others. If Clint Eastwood were to ask if Im feeling lucky, punk?,I would say: Yes. Yes Mr. Eastwood I am feeling lucky. Been reading through your back stories Brother TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo - looking for whether you have the legal advice / exit strategy etc part of the deal in hand. It doesn't look like you have. Is that the case ? If so, then I think you'd do well to get that legal advice / exit strategy stuff attended to BEFORE you launch off on the highly adventurous cheating option, with all its' unpredictable consequences. Not saying "don't do it". Am saying "prepare as diligently as you can now for the highly likely outcome later".
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Post by JMX on Oct 2, 2018 22:56:09 GMT -5
Been reading through your back stories Brother TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo - looking for whether you have the legal advice / exit strategy etc part of the deal in hand. It doesn't look like you have. Is that the case ? If so, then I think you'd do well to get that legal advice / exit strategy stuff attended to BEFORE you launch off on the highly adventurous cheating option, with all its' unpredictable consequences. Not saying "don't do it". Am saying "prepare as diligently as you can now for the highly likely outcome later". A friend of mine on EP got caught on the AM dump. Hell, I was worried I got caught. Thankfully, my profile (and lack of cc info) saved me - even though I did not care. Honestly, I do chuckle about the people I know on there that ended up on my list - even though I attempted to do the same. One was my boss’s husband (at the time) - talk about uncomfortable!!! Seriously, proceed with caution. Especially considering your timeline.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 3, 2018 7:38:36 GMT -5
Quick updates and observations:
1. This requires a lot of activity and can be time consuming. For someone with time on their hands, I can see how this becomes a distraction.
2. Guys really love showing of their junk. Ive seen enough dicks to last a lifetime.
3.I went out and bought a prepaid refillable credit card to pay for said service. Apparently this is also what is used to pay hotels, dates etc when in ICOGNITO mode. In other words, it doesnt show up on the CC statement.
4. I sent out 5 messages. The 2 resposes I did get are lame. Probably bots (fake accounts)
5. I keep getting a few sporadic click throughs on the male profile. The female profile is through the roof, I lost count of inbox messages after 110+
6. This is a picture driven activity. The large majority of females want to see pictures before making a decision to proceed. My profile pic is of me sitting in my backyard feet up. I cannot show my face for privacy. This might be a deal breaker.
7. Men are really a desperate bunch. I guess that makes it easier to stand out if you put time into the profile. A good profile name, a good description, a decent picture.
8. On the plus side, there are some really good looking men in their 50's. Tough competition thats for sure in the premium segment. If I was a woman, this is the demographic I would focus on. But its not a large number so I imagine these guys get to be choosy.
9. The 40+ women demographic seems to be heavily tageted by younger guys (hookups?) with many women specifically requesting not to be contacted by men less than 40.
10. From reading some of the profiles, I think a good portion of these women are just bored and not really looking for affairs but validation and trying to reclaim their sexuality
So there you have it.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2018 7:53:42 GMT -5
Quick updates and observations: 1. This requires a lot of activity and can be time consuming. For someone with time on their hands, I can see how this becomes a distraction. 2. Guys really love showing of their junk. Ive seen enough dicks to last a lifetime. 3.I went out and bought a prepaid refillable credit card to pay for said service. Apparently this is also what is used to pay hotels, dates etc when in ICOGNITO mode. In other words, it doesnt show up on the CC statement. 4. I sent out 5 messages. The 2 resposes I did get are lame. Probably bots (fake accounts) 5. I keep getting a few sporadic click throughs on the male profile. The female profile is through the roof, I lost count of inbox messages after 110+ 6. This is a picture driven activity. The large majority of females want to see pictures before making a decision to proceed. My profile pic is of me sitting in my backyard feet up. I cannot show my face for privacy. This might be a deal breaker. 7. Men are really a desperate bunch. I guess that makes it easier to stand out if you put time into the profile. A good profile name, a good description, a decent picture. 8. On the plus side, there are some really good looking men in their 50's. Tough competition thats for sure in the premium segment. If I was a woman, this is the demographic I would focus on. But its not a large number so I imagine these guys get to be choosy. 9. The 40+ women demographic seems to be heavily tageted by younger guys (hookups?) with many women specifically requesting not to be contacted by men less than 40. 10. From reading some of the profiles, I think a good portion of these women are just bored and not really looking for affairs but validation and trying to reclaim their sexuality So there you have it. God, online dating sounded like it sucked. Having to do it while in secret agent mode (ie while already in a relationship)? Sucky and exhausting!
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 3, 2018 8:28:02 GMT -5
What you proclaim is not untrue. This game, if you look at it that way, is not for the faint of heart and uninitiated. These very factors drive those that are at the top of their game. Make no mistake this is a lifestyle choice for many who are at it for years and years. For evidence, have a gander at the testimonials on the online confessional jungle that is reddit r/adultery and r/affairs. That is where I did most of my "research" these past 12 months. Be forewarned that reddit is a rabbit hole that can easily suck a couple of hours from your day. Quick updates and observations: 1. This requires a lot of activity and can be time consuming. For someone with time on their hands, I can see how this becomes a distraction. 2. Guys really love showing of their junk. Ive seen enough dicks to last a lifetime. 3.I went out and bought a prepaid refillable credit card to pay for said service. Apparently this is also what is used to pay hotels, dates etc when in ICOGNITO mode. In other words, it doesnt show up on the CC statement. 4. I sent out 5 messages. The 2 resposes I did get are lame. Probably bots (fake accounts) 5. I keep getting a few sporadic click throughs on the male profile. The female profile is through the roof, I lost count of inbox messages after 110+ 6. This is a picture driven activity. The large majority of females want to see pictures before making a decision to proceed. My profile pic is of me sitting in my backyard feet up. I cannot show my face for privacy. This might be a deal breaker. 7. Men are really a desperate bunch. I guess that makes it easier to stand out if you put time into the profile. A good profile name, a good description, a decent picture. 8. On the plus side, there are some really good looking men in their 50's. Tough competition thats for sure in the premium segment. If I was a woman, this is the demographic I would focus on. But its not a large number so I imagine these guys get to be choosy. 9. The 40+ women demographic seems to be heavily tageted by younger guys (hookups?) with many women specifically requesting not to be contacted by men less than 40. 10. From reading some of the profiles, I think a good portion of these women are just bored and not really looking for affairs but validation and trying to reclaim their sexuality So there you have it. God, online dating sounded like it sucked. Having to do it while in secret agent mode (ie while already in a relationship)? Sucky and exhausting!
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2018 8:35:49 GMT -5
What you proclaim is not untrue. This game, if you look at it that way, is not for the faint of heart and uninitiated. These very factors drive those that are at the top of their game. Make no mistake this is a lifestyle choice for many who are at it for years and years. For evidence, have a gander at the testimonials on the online confessional jungle that is reddit r/adultery and r/affairs. That is where I did most of my "research" these past 12 months. Be forewarned that reddit is a rabbit hole that can easily suck a couple of hours from your day. God, online dating sounded like it sucked. Having to do it while in secret agent mode (ie while already in a relationship)? Sucky and exhausting! Lol! Even more exhausting! Divorce sucks (and is not for the faint of heart either) but at least I don't have to live a double life. So much easier to be the authentic me (rough edges and all).
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 3, 2018 8:47:00 GMT -5
Have to agree with you there. Ive noted many times to myself that outsourcing should be considered an option particularly because after examining what it takes not to be caught, it does make divorce seem much more palatable.
For me, divorce is more painful at the moment.
Doing nothing would come at the cost of depression and my mental health.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2018 8:58:36 GMT -5
Have to agree with you there. Ive noted many times to myself that outsourcing should be considered an option particularly because after examining what it takes not to be caught, it makes divorce seem much more palatable. For me, divorce is more painful at the moment. Doing nothing would come at the cost of depression and my mental health. Not disagreeing with your decision. Everyone's situation is different. It sounds like you've done your homework and know how to do this with as much safety as possible. But remember, the decision of divorce is not entirely in your hands. 70 percent of the time, it is the lady who says "no mas". Quite often this is triggered by the discovery of an affair. If the marriage was going downhill anyway, it gives her a way of leaving while "saving face". You are the "bad guy". Then the divorce that was "more painful" occurs anyway, but in a whole new and unpredictable direction. I've seen it happen time after time. Just be careful, my friend, OK?
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 3, 2018 10:11:08 GMT -5
“For me, divorce is more painful at the moment.
Doing nothing would come at the cost of depression and my mental health.”
Given your situation, I think you have every right to outsource.
Still, I suggest individual counseling to help you think through your decision. If divorce truly would be more painful than remaining celibate while married imagine how painful it would be to divorce after being shunned by friends and family after being caught in an affair. To outsource without considering the consequences of being caught is a mistake.
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Post by workingonit on Oct 3, 2018 10:24:58 GMT -5
Nope nope nope.
This whole online dating thing gets a big no from me.
I think the problem is that I have never dated like that other than my h. Every boyfriend I had arose from meeting in some way and having chemistry between us. They were all totally different in terms of personality, body type, everything. I could list qualities I may be interested in but really I just want chemistry. I am so uncomfortable to think about isolating qualities and meeting people that only meet those criteria. The whole thing hits me as YUCK.
I dread this possible future and will avoid it at all costs!! I would much prefer to get involved in lots of different activities and groups and meetups and see what happens.
But I am not talking about outsourcing, which I have no plans to do.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 3, 2018 11:40:39 GMT -5
The great pretender said: " This is a picture driven activity. The large majority of females want to see pictures before making a decision to proceed. My profile pic is of me sitting in my backyard feet up. I cannot show my face for privacy. This might be a deal breaker."
No "might" about it. Women can pick and choose so have no reason to waste time with a man whose looks are unknown. Women might also assume that a man is not showing his face because he's so ugly. Women on hook-up sites are able to trade up -- hook up with a man better looking than the woman is -- because of the scarcity of women on those sites. Even when men display their pictures, typically the men have used pictures of their younger selves. Women don't know whom they are connecting with until they see the man in person. So, women have even more reason to not bother with men who don't display their face in their profile.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 3, 2018 14:08:21 GMT -5
Nope nope nope. This whole online dating thing gets a big no from me. I think the problem is that I have never dated like that other than my h. Every boyfriend I had arose from meeting in some way and having chemistry between us. They were all totally different in terms of personality, body type, everything. I could list qualities I may be interested in but really I just want chemistry. I am so uncomfortable to think about isolating qualities and meeting people that only meet those criteria. The whole thing hits me as YUCK. I dread this possible future and will avoid it at all costs!! I would much prefer to get involved in lots of different activities and groups and meetups and see what happens. But I am not talking about outsourcing, which I have no plans to do. "Every boyfriend I had arose from meeting in some way". How is that different than meeting online? You're first introduction to someone online is an age, location, a few pictures, and their profession. I have had my experiences with meeting women at meetup groups, it's not much different than online. I get introduced face to face, I get to see them ,they get to see me. Similar to full body pics and multiple pictures (the question is-are they real and current?). I get to tell them my name, they tell me theirs, I know what group we are meeting at, singles. And that's it. The rest is up to me ,or them if either of us want to find out more. In many circumstances age ,appearance, location, marital status, and financial situation are all the criteria that is needed for someone to want to learn more about you. All of these things where already defined for us, back in our H.S. college days. The actual future communication gave the opportunity for "chemistry". That communication comes from dating,and online communication. Even when involved in your activities / meetup groups you are going to be looking for "basics" then comes discovering the chemistry. Here is an example of basics. You meet a man/woman by volunteering at your local H.S. they are also a volunteer. 1) location: He/she lives in the same school district as me. 2) Sight: We get to meet face to face. 3) Age: We both have a child enrolled in the school. 10 yr difference in age - or +. 4) Rings on the hand. Married or single. Or going through a divorce. 5) 50% of today's marriages are divorced. 6)Nametags, and other volunteers who can tell you more about him or her. 7) Profession: You can ask them, or others can tell you. 8) Observe how they interact with others, extroverted or introverted. I say this with "encouragement" for you, when the day comes.
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