Post by choosinghappy on Sept 25, 2018 9:09:54 GMT -5
Let’s see if I can answer all the questions:
1. Money with divorce- there’s a set formula for alimony and child support. The max for paying alimony is 12 years. Since we’ve been married 11 years and have children I’m entitled to the full 12 years. That should give me enough time to get my shit together!
2.Spyware- I just upgraded to ios12- that should reset my phone and remove any spyware. I may pick up a cheap pay as you go phone and keep it at my studio - if shit really hits the fan, I’ve got a secure way to contact folks.
3. The ‘glue’ for getting unstuck? Perhaps it’s reaching that tipping point where I could no longer reconcile his negative view of me with my own self image. I’m hard on myself. I accept responsibility and blame when it isn’t due. I think that’s why we lasted for 11 years.
Do you know that feeling of reckless abandon? I can only imagine that it’s similar to the feeling that a shy teenage boy has. He’s had a crush for ages on a friend. She’s kind and smart and pretty, but she socializes mostly with the popular crowd. He’s been wanting to tell how he feels for ages. Afraid, holding back, and one morning he wakes up, runs all the possible scenarios through his head and decides, fuck it. “Today I’m going to tell her.” The months of inner torture have finally hit a tipping point. The fear of rejection and humiliation are less than the pain of sitting with his unrequited love. So he gathers all his courage and decides today is the day.
That’s where I am now. I’m a teenage boy, and my secret love is my dream for a better future. One without daily criticism, exclusion, contempt and coldness from my spouse.
I used to want him to change, to stop hurting me. I wanted him to understand the pain that he causes and to stop.
At this point I don’t care if he ever “gets it.” I’ve got work on myself to do, changing my underlying belief that I deserve to be treated like he treats me. I’ll have my hands full taking care of myself. How he decides to handle his issues is totally on him. My plan is to nurture my independence, my self confidence and to be rock steady in knowing who I am. Currently I don’t want him. In the future I won’t need him, and he becomes totally irrelevant except for co-parenting the kids.
I’d much rather be single than be married to a misogynistic asshole who doesn’t consider me an equal partner. Go sing that song to someone else, buddy.
Amen elynne! Welcome back!