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Post by winter123 on Oct 2, 2018 2:40:09 GMT -5
What if.... He really doesn't know what to do, or how to do it? Please don't ask me to explain it, but several woman have testified on here about their spouses that just can't get beyond only giving a re set, the physical sex only and little else. What then? Yeah I get that and my H has been pretty clueless about it. Hence why I have to really spell it out - talking and really getting to the point, backing it up by sticking to the actions has so far helped me.
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Post by csl on Oct 2, 2018 9:14:11 GMT -5
If it turns out that your husband is a good-willed but clueless git, and if the two of you can tolerate Christians, then a good site for clueless gits is The Generous Husband. Your call. Or his.
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Post by jamesbonding on Oct 3, 2018 2:05:50 GMT -5
"I thought that was really positive and it also made me realise that I need to reciprocate the effort he puts in too." Yes, it sounds really positive to me, too. From your posts in this thread, you make it sound as if it's easy to turn around a sexless marriage! It sounds like you have had resets before. How many times and how long did they last? "...I need to reciprocate the effort he puts in too" Yes, definitely. If he gives you a hug, hug him back enthusiastically, tell him you're delighted that he came home early to spend time with you, etc. Speak to him in his love language. I think lots of positive reinforcement is one of the keys to turning a reset into a real turnaround. When my wife has sex with me, I thank her multiple times during the act, and give her a hug and thank her again every time I see her in the day following. When my wife snuggles up with me, I tell her immediately how much I like it.
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Post by winter123 on Oct 3, 2018 2:39:46 GMT -5
"I thought that was really positive and it also made me realise that I need to reciprocate the effort he puts in too." Yes, it sounds really positive to me, too. From your posts in this thread, you make it sound as if it's easy to turn around a sexless marriage! It sounds like you have had resets before. How many times and how long did they last? I would say there have been about 3 resets. I’m not sure if I make it sound easy, believe u me it isn’t and hasn’t been. I think why it comes across that way is because i’ve changed my approach, attitude and have a goal in mind. Approach - Need to take things slowly, build on the relationship in the hope to find why i fell in love with my H in the first place. I need to overcome the resentment and by just giving in to sex when my H initiates it isn’t the answer. It has to be because we both want to - we need to feel wanted and desired by each other. Attitude - It takes two to have a fulfilling meaningful relationship and due to my H’s lack of efforts I have ended up being distant towards him too. I believe that compatibility as people is very important but if ur a couple then there has to be compatibility in love too ie how u both meet each other’s emotional and sexual needs. I can’t just expect him to change and how will he desire me back if I don’t change too? Goal - Before, I would think sex is the answer so everytime things went dry, we’d have a chat and then end up having sex. This fizzled out after 2 weeks and it left me feeling empty as I got the sexual intimacy but not the affection or nor did I know if my H really wanted me. So last night I cuddled up with my H and kissed him, which turned into a very passionate smooch lol! I could tell my H wanted more but I then stopped and let him hold me. He then continued to kiss my neck which meant he wanted to carry on. In the past I would just want sex too and I still do but you can’t beat the feeling of feeling desired and knowing that my H wanted more. It does wonders for ur self esteem and also makes it exciting in terms of how far can we go. It really is like being a new couple dating again...which when married u can sometimes take for granted. Just because ur married doesn’t mean your partner can take u or ur body for granted. Need to put the effort in to win over their affection.
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