|
Post by shamwow on Sept 18, 2018 6:24:52 GMT -5
My guess? Just a stab in the dark, .... It's about MONEY. I would not be surprised. if he is making plans to hide, steal, manipulate, transfer funds, any way possible. He may be planning to leave the country and avoid any alimony. He may have a male lover planning to move away with him. Money and debt MONEY. Have you looked into a forensic accountant or attorney? It may be just the right time for some undercover work. The clock is ticking. Just a reminder from my experience. I could prove that the money was taken. I could prove that the money was missing. I could prove who and when. What I still had the burden of proving was "where is it now?" She got away with it. He may be planning on leaving the country and socking BOC with the debt and no support. ( my sister in law had that happen to her) Is this something to mention to your attorney? And demand action. It is absolutely about money. This weekend he realized that 90/10 custody requires about 700 bucks more from him in child support than 50/50. BOC's daughter wanted to spend time with her dad last night. He cornered her and told her SHE needs to come up with a plan to get back to 50/50. She's 17. She said that sounds more like a parent thing to do. He also grilled her over dinner about which brother told BOC he had come out of the closet. Tonight they are supposed to go out to dinner again. And it will be the same script. The daughter no longer wants to go. Rather than work towards 50/50, he is pushing her completely away. And it is completely over money. Oh and the forensic accountant. I have a friend who is one. He is giving me advice on how to dig. I've got an MBA so have a reasonable idea of what to do, too. The thing is that hiring one would cost more than she could afford. Even if the costs were awarded to her, you can't squeeze blood from a stone.
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Sept 18, 2018 6:41:57 GMT -5
My guess? Just a stab in the dark, .... It's about MONEY. I would not be surprised. if he is making plans to hide, steal, manipulate, transfer funds, any way possible. He may be planning to leave the country and avoid any alimony. He may have a male lover planning to move away with him. Money and debt MONEY. Have you looked into a forensic accountant or attorney? It may be just the right time for some undercover work. The clock is ticking. Just a reminder from my experience. I could prove that the money was taken. I could prove that the money was missing. I could prove who and when. What I still had the burden of proving was "where is it now?" She got away with it. He may be planning on leaving the country and socking BOC with the debt and no support. ( my sister in law had that happen to her) Is this something to mention to your attorney? And demand action. It is absolutely about money. This weekend he realized that 90/10 custody requires about 700 bucks more from him in child support than 50/50. BOC's daughter wanted to spend time with her dad last night. He cornered her and told her SHE needs to come up with a plan to get back to 50/50. She's 17. She said that sounds more like a parent thing to do. He also grilled her over dinner about which brother told BOC he had come out of the closet. Tonight they are supposed to go out to dinner again. And it will be the same script. The daughter no longer wants to go. Rather than work towards 50/50, he is pushing her completely away. And it is completely over money. Oh and the forensic accountant. I have a friend who is one. He is giving me advice on how to dig. I've got an MBA so have a reasonable idea of what to do, too. The thing is that hiring one would cost more than she could afford. Even if the costs were awarded to her, you can't squeeze blood from a stone. Thanks for sharing that. Ohh. man.....I get a chill just thinking about that!! I cringe when I wonder what my older boys went through. What "pressure" ( all about them having cars, bigger rooms ,computers, taking care of grandpa, what a angry man your dad is etc....) that they were told by their mother! It's 50/50 for my now 17 1/2 yr old son. Yet he has been told by me, he is free to decide where he wants to stay, how long, and make many of his own decisions. My door is always open. I am aware of ,me not getting money for child support. I could care less. The court system can go both ways. 1) any child under 18 has no say. 2) older teens have a say, and a choice as to who they want to stay with. It gets ugly! Just changing the court order gets to expensive to happen. I hope you get full custody! Fortunately (sadly) The STBX is making the teens decision to stay with BOC eisier, and eisier. The truth gets exposed, eventually!
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Sept 18, 2018 8:46:03 GMT -5
It is absolutely about money. This weekend he realized that 90/10 custody requires about 700 bucks more from him in child support than 50/50. BOC's daughter wanted to spend time with her dad last night. He cornered her and told her SHE needs to come up with a plan to get back to 50/50. She's 17. She said that sounds more like a parent thing to do. He also grilled her over dinner about which brother told BOC he had come out of the closet. Tonight they are supposed to go out to dinner again. And it will be the same script. The daughter no longer wants to go. Rather than work towards 50/50, he is pushing her completely away. And it is completely over money. Oh and the forensic accountant. I have a friend who is one. He is giving me advice on how to dig. I've got an MBA so have a reasonable idea of what to do, too. The thing is that hiring one would cost more than she could afford. Even if the costs were awarded to her, you can't squeeze blood from a stone. Thanks for sharing that. Ohh. man.....I get a chill just thinking about that!! I cringe when I wonder what my older boys went through. What "pressure" ( all about them having cars, bigger rooms ,computers, taking care of grandpa, what a angry man your dad is etc....) that they were told by their mother! It's 50/50 for my now 17 1/2 yr old son. Yet he has been told by me, he is free to decide where he wants to stay, how long, and make many of his own decisions. My door is always open. I am aware of ,me not getting money for child support. I could care less. The court system can go both ways. 1) any child under 18 has no say. 2) older teens have a say, and a choice as to who they want to stay with. It gets ugly! Just changing the court order gets to expensive to happen. I hope you get full custody! Fortunately (sadly) The STBX is making the teens decision to stay with BOC eisier, and eisier. The truth gets exposed, eventually! That is true. The daughter is dreading having dinner with dad again tonight because it will likely be another grill session. Since the daughter is the only one initiating contact, it is likely this will not go on long. And it IS sad. The guy is a real POS father.
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Sept 24, 2018 16:26:32 GMT -5
Part of me wants to fight fire with fire: "restore the college funds you took, and give me a signed acknowledgement that all those debts are yours... or this is going to be made known publicly."
Probably entirely impractical... but it feels good to think it!
----
FWIW: his admission MAY set her up to get her marriage annulled... and that might start a path to undoing the church's handling of her due to the disparagement of divorce.
That is, if she still has any love left for the church and a desire to return after what they've put her through. (I won't hold it against her if she doesn't.)
|
|
|
Post by carl on Feb 2, 2019 6:57:20 GMT -5
Just a thought. Probably not gay. More likely a smoke screen to divert attention away from money.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Feb 13, 2019 8:23:52 GMT -5
Just a thought. Probably not gay. More likely a smoke screen to divert attention away from money. Oh no. He's gone full Mo. Complete with one or two live in 19 year old boys.
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Feb 13, 2019 9:58:06 GMT -5
Just a thought. Probably not gay. More likely a smoke screen to divert attention away from money. Oh no. He's gone full Mo. Complete with one or two live in 19 year old boys. I have an acquaintance from my divorce recovery group, who is going through this. Mother of two boys, works at the bakery in a grocery store, her STBX ( going on 3 years now) got married to another man, ( not legal in Fl...yet.) is all into drugs, unemployed, gives ZERO support to her ,or the boys, doesn't show for court hearings, won't submit papers, info. etc... It's practically the pinnacle of how pathetic things can get, when it comes to the family court system ( don't get me started). The good news? She has a new boyfriend. She receives intimacy, sex, joy, financial help, support, a fatherly figure for the boys, etc....
|
|
|
Post by elynne on Feb 13, 2019 16:36:22 GMT -5
shamwow, to answer the question of whether this has happened to anyone else - probably not. Is BOC convinced her STBX is telling the truth about being gay? He seems to have no problem lying to manipulate people, so I'm wondering if this is a test to see if the kids can keep a secret - if they are on his side or not. Either way, my heart goes out to BOC for all of her pain, and I am amazed at her strength to keep her head on as straight as it is. Your love for her is inspiring. She is very lucky to have you. (And I absolutely hate the fact that her plans to divorce causes her to lose her jobs but his apparent sexual orientation must be kept secret for him to keep his job. His hypocrisy also does no favors to the students he is responsible for - properly, he should quit.) When I was asking about if it had happened to anyone else I was specifically referring to him coming out of the closet. As far as him quitting it isn't an option since his job lets her daughter to attend 19k private school free of charge. Him quitting or this becoming known hurts the daughter. How many more years of school does she have? And just sayin’ public school in certain school districts can be fantastic. I went to public high school and took Honors Chemistry, Advanced Placement European History and English. Started university at 17 with the credits equivalent to 4 classes. Just because the 19k a year school is expensive and likely a good education - it’s not a given that it’s the right choice. The hypocrisy of going to the school where her father works, and the tacit condoning of his behavior has got to be pretty awful. Especially for a teen who is less able to rationalize and protect herself emotionally than an adult. Just to clarify- I have NO issue with him being gay (if indeed he is). I have huge issues with his complete disregard for the well-being of the BOC and his children. He is a lying, manipulative son-of-a-bitch. If it were me, I’d cut my losses and do my best to have as little contact with him as possible, reduce the children’s contact with him to the bare minimum. Gay, not gay, asexual, bisexual, none of it matters. The big problem is his LONG history of lying and not being authentic with people who loved and trusted him.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Feb 13, 2019 18:43:54 GMT -5
Friend of mine was in a sm for a dozen years. They had met in a fundamentalist college and both were virgins when they married. After they divorced, her refuser came out as gay and opened a gay bar in New Orleans.
|
|
|
Post by carl on Feb 14, 2019 4:50:33 GMT -5
Just a thought. Probably not gay. More likely a smoke screen to divert attention away from money. Oh no. He's gone full Mo. Complete with one or two live in 19 year old boys. Very dramatic. Attention seeking ? Rather him than me !
|
|