Post by northstarmom on Aug 29, 2018 7:56:21 GMT -5
Gc said: “If you think so? I see that as even more passivity. Labeling her and disengaging is just more "one way communication." That's just what she does to him and look what happens. solodrivers STBX is to set in her ways.
You give her an inch -by calling her out on her ways or setting boundaries- she is going to take your kidney.”
We don’t know what she will do. He could check it out by calmly calling her on her shit and then leaving the scene the next time she insults him. FWIW I had a mom who would insult me. She stopped when I started calling her on it and immediately ending the conversation by leaving or getting off the phone. The darvo did work because I ignored it and didn’t stick around for it.
Meanwhile, he has to find a way to talk to a lawyer. Skype and phone conversations have been mentioned as possibilities. Another is not responding to his wife’s attempt to account for every minute of his day. What’s she going to do if he doesn’t answer? He has his own room. If necessary, he could put a lock on that door.
In many respects he is lucky in that his time here and his wife’s “creepy” insult have allowed him to see that his marriage is hopelessly bad and divorce is the key to freeing himself to find the kind of love he wants. Because I didn’t find ep until after my divorce, I stayed in my marriage several more years after my husbabd excised humself and swiftly left after finding me changing clothes in our shared bedroom. That’s a fate he is better positioned to avoid.
Post by greatcoastal on Aug 29, 2018 8:58:55 GMT -5
True northstarmom, "We don't know what she will do". This is why I offer the other side, that she will reject and reverse any calling out that happens to her.
solodriver does have his decades of experience of dealing with her behavior, once he sees the real truth in the manipulation,the ball is in his court to act upon it. Your advice about hanging up the phone is no different than dropping the rope and no longer participating in her tug of war.
My ex employed the strategy of stating how things were going to be her way only , right as she is about to leave for work" we will discuss it later I'm late for work" you can bet later does not happen, always more excuses, and now you are the one who is just complaining. I got put through all of it. Then would come demanding one sided statements through texts from work. But don't text her back and expect an open dialogue, " she's at work and doesn't have time". (never mind that she had time to text you in the first place, truth and facts mean nothing when they get in her way) More double standards. Just be ready for it.
solodriver can either relate to this or maybe his STBX will stop. Sometimes it takes reading others examples for someone deep in denial to see what is really been happening to them.
Post by northstarmom on Aug 29, 2018 9:12:51 GMT -5
GC said: "Your advice about hanging up the phone is no different than dropping the rope and no longer participating in her tug of war."
There's a big difference. Instead of giving no response, he'd call her on her shit before hanging up: "You insulted me."
What you suggest is more passive. What seems to have happened when he does this is that he turns his hurt against himself. Consider how his response was to figure out what he could do to become more attractive. 'm suggesting that he speak up for himself and then end the discussion by leaving. This would make it clear to himself that the problem is his wife, not some flaw in him. HIs wife doesn't mistreat him because he's flawed. She mistreats him because she's flawed. No matter what he looks like, he deserves better treatment.
choosinghappy: Hope you had a great birthday h!
Sept 1, 2018 21:19:34 GMT -5
mrrobot: Hi guys, I don't know if this community is still active - if so, I posted a thread at the forum if anyone could give me some light I'd be really thankful! Cheers
Sept 2, 2018 7:48:17 GMT -5
georgia: Hi...I’ve just joined the group. And I simply need a place to vent and hopefully receive some help dealing with my utterly sexless marriage. After 15 years of marriage our sex life has dwindled to nada, zero, nothing.
Sept 3, 2018 14:48:18 GMT -5
kh: why even marry someone with a high libido if you hate sex
Sept 4, 2018 4:28:42 GMT -5
javba: kh - fast forward 2 kids and 20 years later I have not resolved the problem you're looking at. Now I have cracked 51 yrs, have lesser chances of finding someone, not as market-able. You may want to reconsider "child is 8 mon old" with a 50% divorce rate
Sept 4, 2018 10:07:57 GMT -5
DryCreek: mrrobot, georgia, kh - welcome! I see a couple of you have posted your stories in the forum. I think not a lot of folks use this chat because you can only see it on laptops, not on phones. georgia, please do post your story and vent here. We get it.
Sept 6, 2018 10:29:43 GMT -5