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Post by baza on Aug 22, 2018 0:03:28 GMT -5
Here are our 10 inaugural members, the first 10 to join the group in March 2016. Most, if not all of these were spillovers from the old Experience Project Group "I Live In A Sexless Marriage" Dan - last post August 2018 - staying Rhapsodee - last post July 2018 - staying liltree - last post Mar 2016 - she had left before joining here, counted as "left" @andie - last post August 2018 - staying JMX - last post August 2018 - staying unmatched - last post July 2018 - left warmways - last post August 2018 - appears to have left @smartkat - last post August 2018 - she had left before joining here, counted as "left" darktippedrose - last post August 2018 - staying petrushka - last post August 2018 - staying 6 - staying 4 - have left (unless you prefer to not count liltree and smartkat - they'd already left their deals pre this board) 0 - examples of people posting their story then pissing off never to be heard from again. Again, no turnaround examples found in this sample.
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Post by petrushka on Aug 23, 2018 4:02:32 GMT -5
Mmhmm. Unlike many histories, my relationship with my wife is like old wine: it's improving and getting better. Yeah, ok, no sex. I am not interested in having sex with someone who doesn't enjoy it -- besides, I am getting to an age where I'd need the chemical crutch to even be able to 'do the deed'. But, when I joined EP back in 2009 I was in an abusive relationship. I called her on it, and she's been working on her behaviour, and, it seems, that she has felt encouraged to be more affectionate and accept affection more and more over the last 9 years. Practically everybody who sees us thinks we have a very loving and warm/intimate relationship. She's nowhere near as defensive as she used to be (in fact, as I see it, most of her then aggression was preemptively defensive). Maybe we have managed to build more trust on her side, anyway.
The more I have started to "tread my own path", the more relaxed she seems to have become.
Can we call it a 'success story'? I don't know. I am content and comfortable 90% of the time. And 5% of the time I am sad that I am missing the odd moment of pure joy, of rapture, of happiness that I was hoping for from my relationship. But that is a small trade-in. I don't see any other women around here who, in my opinion, would be more compatible or whom I could trust more. So - that's life. Life goes on (for the moment, anyway).
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Post by warmways on Sept 3, 2018 6:26:52 GMT -5
An update
On Saturday my H came over to my folks house for lunch. I have been staying here a couple weeks healing from an emotional breakdown.
My attorney had overnighted the papers when I told her he wanted to come over.
He refused to sign them. He said he wouldn’t sign anything without a lawyer. He asked if I was sure I wanted a divorce. I could have been much more definitive but I said yes. He spcould tell I was acting ambivalent,y.
He said he wanted to go back to therapy.
I really know for the health of me I have to leave and it’s my next move. All I have to do is call the attorney ask her to serve him. I can say the truth. I changed my mind if he asks me why I’d said I’d go back to therapy and then have him served.
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Post by baza on Sept 3, 2018 7:26:45 GMT -5
You aren't actually obligated to justify your actions to him (or anyone else) Sister warmways .
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Post by warmways on Sept 3, 2018 9:44:57 GMT -5
True words. Thank you baza.
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Post by jamesbonding on Sept 3, 2018 20:42:33 GMT -5
warmways why did you act ambiguously? Do you still have some slight hope that you might be able to turn the marriage around? You could do both: serve the divorce papers and go to therapy. The therapy could help both of you prepare for the divorce. I also think it's possible that, once your H sees that the clock is ticking toward the divorce becoming final, he may do whatever it takes to win you back. If you don't feel comfortable having sex with him right away, you could test the waters by just sleeping together, holding each other, etc.
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Post by warmways on Sept 4, 2018 5:12:55 GMT -5
warmways why did you act ambiguously? Do you still have some slight hope that you might be able to turn the marriage around? You could do both: serve the divorce papers and go to therapy. The therapy could help both of you prepare for the divorce. I also think it's possible that, once your H sees that the clock is ticking toward the divorce becoming final, he may do whatever it takes to win you back. If you don't feel comfortable having sex with him right away, you could test the waters by just sleeping together, holding each other, etc. I was deeply immersed in a very dysfunctional unhealthy marriage and it even came to the point where I felt ambiguous parting ways even though I knew deep down that I had to leave. I stayed so long that that disentangling took many tries and fails. To this day I feel like second guessing myself but there are moments when it’s so clear I’m taking the right step. No, no amount of therapy can fix this. We’ve done boatloads of therapy with several therapist from before we were even married. . I know it sounds confusing;g s d complicated because it is. I hope this answers some of your questions.
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