What did you find to be the shelf life in months between "no sex expected" to "outta here"?
I hit "nothing expected" at 28 years of marriage, that was about a year ago.
I stopped expecting anything after 2 years of celibacy AND being screamed at that my penis didn't even work anymore. She cut me off in 2010, and I stopped expecting anything in 2012. When she would start her criticism, I would remind her of celibacy. My youngest went to college in the fall of 2015. On Jan 18, 2016, she asked why I seemed so depressed. I told her that I was down because I had not had sex in 6 years, and it looked like I never would again. She told me that it was all my fault, and I should be happy and fulfilled in a marriage that never included sex. A week later, she agreed to make an appointment with a gyno to find out what the problem was. She agreed to make an appointment in 2 weeks. After 2 weeks, she told me she had NOT made an appointment and would if/when she felt like it. I started looking for an apartment. Three weeks later, I moved out.
I decided that since there were no kids at home and we no longer owned a house, there was no reason for me to allow myself to be treated this way. I stayed for so long because she had told me that if I divorced her, she would move my daughters away and do everything she could to make sure I never saw them again. However, I am proud of myself that once my daughters were out of the equation, I only put up with her abuse and neglect for 6 months before I had enough.
And I am very glad that I did not have to deal with custody/child support issues. It is interesting to point out that my ExW absolutely refuses to help my daughter at all with her college expenses. Oh, and she has about $85,000 in the bank. She can have it. I got out with my health and most of my sanity.
250k cash here (and 50k in retirement savings). Over the course of 5 years another 118k in child support. And worth every penny.
Sham's Law #1: Everything in life is simple. First you figure out what you want. Second, you figure out how to get it. Third you do it. The first step, unfortunately happens to be the hardest.
As regards the financials of a divorce, I'd just like to add this - from a perspective of someone "out" since October 2009.
At the time we split, there were divisible assets of about 1.5 mill...half that, or 750k nominally being "my" half. I settled for app 570k. Nominally "my" half of 750k less the 570k I settled for cost me 180k Figured I could make up the shortfall given a bit of time to nut out a financial recovery plan...and as the world recovered from the GFC.
I had cause last week to take a full inventory of my asset position as I plan for retirement. 9 years down the track my current figure is a touch over 1.3 mill.
Essentially at October 2009 I was worth 570k. 9 years later 1.3m.
Point I want to get at is not that I am a financial genius !!! - but rather that given a bit of time (9 years in this case) - you can rectify your financial position. "Today" you might think you got dudded in your financial split up, but there's a fair bit of the financial game to play out. If you are in your 40's / 50's you ought be able to do this 'relatively' easily as you paddle your own canoe. But you DO need to start NOW and you DO have to go through some short / medium pain.
I think it depends on if you think it’s a marriage. Even without a close intimate relationship, some will see it as a marriage, and some won’t. No one is right or wrong because their definition is their truth.
For some time, I felt like my husband was not my husband, and I didn’t want to use the word “husband” in relation to him. It seemed like a mockery and insult to me to use it. Strange how now he is dead, I only think of him as my husband. I guess my perspective has changed because I’m holding on to something, and trying to salvage some emotional comfort that even through the misery that was my marriage, I still loved him, and still miss him. If I discard the 25-years with him, the void it leaves would be too much to bear. I have nothing to look forward to in old age (except death), so I won’t emotionally throw away my marriage as much as it hurt me living through it.
choosinghappy: Hope you had a great birthday h!
Sept 1, 2018 21:19:34 GMT -5
mrrobot: Hi guys, I don't know if this community is still active - if so, I posted a thread at the forum if anyone could give me some light I'd be really thankful! Cheers
Sept 2, 2018 7:48:17 GMT -5
georgia: Hi...I’ve just joined the group. And I simply need a place to vent and hopefully receive some help dealing with my utterly sexless marriage. After 15 years of marriage our sex life has dwindled to nada, zero, nothing.
Sept 3, 2018 14:48:18 GMT -5
kh: why even marry someone with a high libido if you hate sex
Sept 4, 2018 4:28:42 GMT -5
javba: kh - fast forward 2 kids and 20 years later I have not resolved the problem you're looking at. Now I have cracked 51 yrs, have lesser chances of finding someone, not as market-able. You may want to reconsider "child is 8 mon old" with a 50% divorce rate
Sept 4, 2018 10:07:57 GMT -5
DryCreek: mrrobot, georgia, kh - welcome! I see a couple of you have posted your stories in the forum. I think not a lot of folks use this chat because you can only see it on laptops, not on phones. georgia, please do post your story and vent here. We get it.
Sept 6, 2018 10:29:43 GMT -5