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Post by shamwow on Aug 20, 2018 17:11:08 GMT -5
More info: we haven't had sex more than twice a year in 11 years. Four years ago she was supposed to get on testosterone as prescribed by her ob. She never had it filled. The kegels were prescribed by her doctor for pelvic pain. I've NEVER initiated in that time since May when they were prescribed. She's asked me to remind her to do them. I hope that helps? Hey runnerguy , I thought I could chime in here as my best friend has been a physical therapist for 20 years, and she specializes in women's reproductive and pelvic floor issues. If this diagnosis is truly her issue, then yes, EVEN KEGELS CAN BE PAINFUL, and her disconnect with that part of her body for so many years can prevent her from identifying the muscles to even perform Kegel exercises. While I respect all the men here on this forum and being in a SM myself, I understand the emotional mindfuck it can be, please, please do NOT dismiss her diagnoses as made-up. This only serves to further embarrass and humiliate a woman when she could in fact be feeling not like a woman at all. However, as a victim of a SM myself, you should draw the boundary line, and say "Honey, I don't know what it feels like, but if even Kegels are painful, there are pelvic floor therapists who can help you." Then tell her that if she can't perform them on her own, look up the information for a pelvic floor PT and tell her to get a referral and go see the PT. A good PT can help her strengthen her muscles and her mind. If she refuses, then you have your answer as far as if she's being honest with her diagnosis or not. Pelvic floor issues do not have to have a dire prognosis, but there really cases where professional assistance with a dilator and other treatments are required. Draw the line, and make her get help. I'm thinking the "to the guys" thing was directed to me since I was the one who mentioned my ex faked her issues. The point I was get tight at is that given the other behavior "pelvic pain" isn't specific enough to rule in or rule out fakery. Go to the doc with her. Hear from the doc for yourself and take notes. She doesn't seem to want to do ANYTHING the doctor recommends which is not exactly promising. She may very well have legitimate "pelvic pain" (way too generic) but she is without a doubt afflicted with dontgiveashititis.
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Post by heartbrokengirl on Aug 20, 2018 18:27:08 GMT -5
Hey runnerguy , I thought I could chime in here as my best friend has been a physical therapist for 20 years, and she specializes in women's reproductive and pelvic floor issues. If this diagnosis is truly her issue, then yes, EVEN KEGELS CAN BE PAINFUL, and her disconnect with that part of her body for so many years can prevent her from identifying the muscles to even perform Kegel exercises. While I respect all the men here on this forum and being in a SM myself, I understand the emotional mindfuck it can be, please, please do NOT dismiss her diagnoses as made-up. This only serves to further embarrass and humiliate a woman when she could in fact be feeling not like a woman at all. However, as a victim of a SM myself, you should draw the boundary line, and say "Honey, I don't know what it feels like, but if even Kegels are painful, there are pelvic floor therapists who can help you." Then tell her that if she can't perform them on her own, look up the information for a pelvic floor PT and tell her to get a referral and go see the PT. A good PT can help her strengthen her muscles and her mind. If she refuses, then you have your answer as far as if she's being honest with her diagnosis or not. Pelvic floor issues do not have to have a dire prognosis, but there really cases where professional assistance with a dilator and other treatments are required. Draw the line, and make her get help. I'm thinking the "to the guys" thing was directed to me since I was the one who mentioned my ex faked her issues. The point I was get tight at is that given the other behavior "pelvic pain" isn't specific enough to rule in or rule out fakery. Go to the doc with her. Hear from the doc for yourself and take notes. She doesn't seem to want to do ANYTHING the doctor recommends which is not exactly promising. She may very well have legitimate "pelvic pain" (way too generic) but she is without a doubt afflicted with dontgiveashititis. Not directly at you shamwow, just don’t want anyone to misunderstand that pelvic floor issues are a real thing, but shame on those women who use it as their excuse and don’t practice self care enough to get it checked out. I’m totally with you on dontgiveashititis. This woman should want to get better if not to fuck her husband at least to get herself off without any pain. It’s likely bullshit, yes.
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Post by heartbrokengirl on Aug 20, 2018 18:37:55 GMT -5
Also, it’s easy to educate yourselves nowadays on those kinds of issues with the internets and all. Don’t let her pull the wool over your eyes. There’s plenty of help for pelvic floor issues runnerguy. Whether or not she gets help will tell you if it’s legitimate.
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 20, 2018 18:51:23 GMT -5
“ Not directly at you shamwow, just don’t want anyone to misunderstand that pelvic floor issues are a real thing, but shame on those women who use it as their excuse and don’t practice self care enough to get it checked out.”
I know lots of women with pelvic floor issues who got help for it. His wife’s not bothering to do that says that if she really has those issues, not having sex with her h is more important to her than getting healed.
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Post by solodriver on Aug 20, 2018 21:02:05 GMT -5
Wednesday will be day 300. This is nowhere near a record, but it's still a nice round number. It feels a bit different this time than previous 300 day markers in past years, for a few reasons: The 3 times there has been intimacy in the last 300 days, it was focused on her, and she didn't get to me either for health issues she has or she just didn't want to reciprocate. Our anniversary is in a couple of weeks, and in 17 years we've never had sex on our anniversary. Finally, she is supposed to be doing kegel exercises to assist in her health issues related to sex. I remind her daily to do them. I've done this since May. She has done them maybe five times, but today again threw it back in my face that I'm pressuring her, despite the fact that if I don't remind her she won't do them. I had warned her in previous times that I was going to stop reminding her the next time she tried to throw it back at me. That was today. I'll not be reminding her anymore. 300. If you're not careful you'll reach my number: 6,935. And sadly it seems that's going to continue to climb for awhile before it stops (if I'm lucky). But when my streak (which I'm NOT proud of) gets broken, it won't be with my refuser wife.
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Post by workingonit on Aug 21, 2018 11:39:32 GMT -5
Pelvic floor dysfunction is a real thing. It is diagnosable with manometry testing. A simple vaginal exam will also show atrophy, if there is any.
There is also pelvic floor PT that has great success. Even for something like a rectocele or prolapsed cervix there are treatments that can help.
I trained with a gyn who would always tell menopausal women that you don't lose what you use. Sexually active women have less atrophy, less pelvic issues than those who are not. I saw this myself in my practice.
The point is there are things that can be done to fix the problem if one is so inclined and willing to put in effort.
And pelvic pain should not really impact her mouth, hands, or even her clitoris. Solutions are available for the willing partner!
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