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Post by runnerguy on Aug 19, 2018 21:33:10 GMT -5
Wednesday will be day 300. This is nowhere near a record, but it's still a nice round number. It feels a bit different this time than previous 300 day markers in past years, for a few reasons:
The 3 times there has been intimacy in the last 300 days, it was focused on her, and she didn't get to me either for health issues she has or she just didn't want to reciprocate.
Our anniversary is in a couple of weeks, and in 17 years we've never had sex on our anniversary.
Finally, she is supposed to be doing kegel exercises to assist in her health issues related to sex. I remind her daily to do them. I've done this since May. She has done them maybe five times, but today again threw it back in my face that I'm pressuring her, despite the fact that if I don't remind her she won't do them.
I had warned her in previous times that I was going to stop reminding her the next time she tried to throw it back at me. That was today. I'll not be reminding her anymore.
300.
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Post by baza on Aug 19, 2018 21:48:34 GMT -5
Info is a bit sparse here, but it does indeed look like you are putting some pressure on her. Is that necessarily a bad thing Brother runnerguy ? A bit of controlled / managed pressure in a marriage can be a good thing. It will either reveal the fundamentals of the marriage to be sound and capable of meeting the challenge. or It will reveal the fundamentals of the marriage are unsound and incapable of meeting the challenge. A bit of pressure can go a long way toward revealing what the true situation really is. That, of course, runs the risk of raising more questions than it answers.
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Post by runnerguy on Aug 19, 2018 21:57:24 GMT -5
More info: we haven't had sex more than twice a year in 11 years.
Four years ago she was supposed to get on testosterone as prescribed by her ob. She never had it filled.
The kegels were prescribed by her doctor for pelvic pain. I've NEVER initiated in that time since May when they were prescribed. She's asked me to remind her to do them.
I hope that helps?
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Post by baza on Aug 19, 2018 22:26:07 GMT -5
Are you taking a position that - "everything is great bar the sex" - Brother runnerguy ? What else is going on in your deal ?
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Post by wom360 on Aug 19, 2018 23:25:49 GMT -5
More info: we haven't had sex more than twice a year in 11 years. Four years ago she was supposed to get on testosterone as prescribed by her ob. She never had it filled. The kegels were prescribed by her doctor for pelvic pain. I've NEVER initiated in that time since May when they were prescribed. She's asked me to remind her to do them. I hope that helps? And yet you’re still there. Reminding her every day to do kegals. Are you a masochist or something?
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Post by wom360 on Aug 19, 2018 23:30:25 GMT -5
2 times s year for 11 years. The first year....was on her.
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Streakin'
Aug 20, 2018 8:22:50 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by shamwow on Aug 20, 2018 8:22:50 GMT -5
Wednesday will be day 300. This is nowhere near a record, but it's still a nice round number. It feels a bit different this time than previous 300 day markers in past years, for a few reasons: The 3 times there has been intimacy in the last 300 days, it was focused on her, and she didn't get to me either for health issues she has or she just didn't want to reciprocate. Our anniversary is in a couple of weeks, and in 17 years we've never had sex on our anniversary. Finally, she is supposed to be doing kegel exercises to assist in her health issues related to sex. I remind her daily to do them. I've done this since May. She has done them maybe five times, but today again threw it back in my face that I'm pressuring her, despite the fact that if I don't remind her she won't do them. I had warned her in previous times that I was going to stop reminding her the next time she tried to throw it back at me. That was today. I'll not be reminding her anymore. 300. What are the health issues? Has it been diagnosed by a physician? Have you heard this diagnosis first hand? What is the treatment / prognosis? Mine made up a "medical issue" for 20 years until I asked the opinion of others (including physicians) who universally called bullshit. More information here would be helpful.
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Post by shamwow on Aug 20, 2018 8:33:49 GMT -5
More info: we haven't had sex more than twice a year in 11 years. Four years ago she was supposed to get on testosterone as prescribed by her ob. She never had it filled. The kegels were prescribed by her doctor for pelvic pain. I've NEVER initiated in that time since May when they were prescribed. She's asked me to remind her to do them. I hope that helps? Sorry didn't see this. I'd the pelvic pain due to an injury she sustained of some sort? Have you been to the doctor with her? Is there medication she can take to address this pain? My understanding of kegals is that they are good for strengthening the interior muscles of the pelvis. They can help a woman get a better "grip" on the penis and can also help with incontinence. Does she suffer from this? Kegals take a couple minutes and can be done anywhere. It ain't like she's got to get dressed drive to the gym and shower after. You can do them while drivibg to work. But before focusing on the "cure" first make sure that's what's wrong. Go to the doctor with her to discuss this. Make the appointment FOR her. With the info at hand I'm leaning toward bullshit.
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Post by choosinghappy on Aug 20, 2018 8:46:25 GMT -5
Kegals were “prescribed” and she has to be reminded to do them and refuses?! Hell, I’m doing them right now just because you mentioned the word! It barely even takes thought to do it and zero effort. If she’s not even willing to do THAT I don’t know what to tell you.
Also, I don’t think I would appreciate my H reminding me daily to “squeeze my vaginal muscles!” This whole thing is odd.
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Post by flashjohn on Aug 20, 2018 11:25:55 GMT -5
runnerguy, you can stop reminding her if you want to. But since she refused to get the testosterone that was prescribed for her, and she is passive-aggressively picking at you for doing what she asked, this is a losing game. I would suggest that you clearly tell her that since she is accusing you of pressuring her when you are only doing what she asked, she is being unreasonable. Also, I would calmly tell her that you are very dissatisfied with the quantity and quality of sex in your marriage. Then the ball is in her court as to what she is going to do. Then you have made it very clear to her that you are dissatisfied with the state of the marriage.
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Post by heartbrokengirl on Aug 20, 2018 11:48:44 GMT -5
More info: we haven't had sex more than twice a year in 11 years. Four years ago she was supposed to get on testosterone as prescribed by her ob. She never had it filled. The kegels were prescribed by her doctor for pelvic pain. I've NEVER initiated in that time since May when they were prescribed. She's asked me to remind her to do them. I hope that helps? Hey runnerguy , I thought I could chime in here as my best friend has been a physical therapist for 20 years, and she specializes in women's reproductive and pelvic floor issues. If this diagnosis is truly her issue, then yes, EVEN KEGELS CAN BE PAINFUL, and her disconnect with that part of her body for so many years can prevent her from identifying the muscles to even perform Kegel exercises. While I respect all the men here on this forum and being in a SM myself, I understand the emotional mindfuck it can be, please, please do NOT dismiss her diagnoses as made-up. This only serves to further embarrass and humiliate a woman when she could in fact be feeling not like a woman at all. However, as a victim of a SM myself, you should draw the boundary line, and say "Honey, I don't know what it feels like, but if even Kegels are painful, there are pelvic floor therapists who can help you." Then tell her that if she can't perform them on her own, look up the information for a pelvic floor PT and tell her to get a referral and go see the PT. A good PT can help her strengthen her muscles and her mind. If she refuses, then you have your answer as far as if she's being honest with her diagnosis or not. Pelvic floor issues do not have to have a dire prognosis, but there really cases where professional assistance with a dilator and other treatments are required. Draw the line, and make her get help.
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Post by heartbrokengirl on Aug 20, 2018 11:50:41 GMT -5
Also, if she does not address this issue, it will NOT heal itself. She has to get therapy, otherwise, you really will NEVER have sex again. That should make it black and white for you.
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Streakin'
Aug 20, 2018 12:04:44 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by northstarmom on Aug 20, 2018 12:04:44 GMT -5
“you can stop reminding her if you want to. But since she refused to get the testosterone that was prescribed for her, and she is passive-aggressively picking at you for doing what she asked, this is a losing game.
I would suggest that you clearly tell her that since she is accusing you of pressuring her when you are only doing what she asked, she is being unreasonable. Also, I would calmly tell her that you are very dissatisfied with the quantity and quality of sex in your marriage. Then the ball is in her court as to what she is going to do. Then you have made it very clear to her that you are dissatisfied with the state of the marriage.”
She is very clearly communicating with you that she does not want a sex life with you and is not willing to change that plan. You need to figure out whether to stay or leave. Keep in mind that If you choose to stay, your wife still may leave you whether or not you outsource. Your wife had been clear about the extent of any affection she has for you. If you choose to respond by staying and not reminding her about kegels, etc., you still won’t get sex. If you remind her, you still won’t get sex from her. She is very clear that she doesn’t want to have sex with you. Whatever you choose to do, you aren’t going to have sex with your wife but she still may choose to outsource and or leave you.
Her reasons about not wanting medical treatment for having no libido are b.s. lack of desire can be due to depression, anger, exhaustion, grief and other factors. Your wife didn’t want to have sex with you and found an excuse you’d accept. For all you know she may be like my refuser ex: fucking someone else.
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 20, 2018 14:38:16 GMT -5
Kegals were “prescribed” and she has to be reminded to do them and refuses?! Hell, I’m doing them right now just because you mentioned the word! It barely even takes thought to do it and zero effort. If she’s not even willing to do THAT I don’t know what to tell you. Also, I don’t think I would appreciate my H reminding me daily to “squeeze my vaginal muscles!” This whole thing is odd. What if he bent you over the coffee table and told you to squeeze him?
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Post by choosinghappy on Aug 20, 2018 14:59:04 GMT -5
Kegals were “prescribed” and she has to be reminded to do them and refuses?! Hell, I’m doing them right now just because you mentioned the word! It barely even takes thought to do it and zero effort. If she’s not even willing to do THAT I don’t know what to tell you. Also, I don’t think I would appreciate my H reminding me daily to “squeeze my vaginal muscles!” This whole thing is odd. What if he bent you over the coffee table and told you to squeeze him? Well that would be much more fun, wouldn’t it? runnerguy you should try that 😆
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