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Post by baza on Aug 14, 2018 0:17:49 GMT -5
baza - I need to think about this more - so I deleted the last post. In retrospect / it sounded dumb. I need to go to sleep so I can get up and pretend that I enjoy my choice to work out tomorrow morning No problem Sister JMX . I might put that post of mine up as a story. It might provoke some discussion in the group that might be useful....without hi-jacking your thread here.
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Post by time4intimacy on Aug 14, 2018 5:04:14 GMT -5
JMX - So sorry with the situation you are in and having to deal with just out right rejection. I don't remember the last time I had boobs put in my face, but I am sure I would make sure it was 3 times that night and not even 3 times for the year.
I think taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do now. Working out, eating healthy, killing it at work and loving your kids is so important right now to prepare to move out of the relationship. I think rock bottom needs to happen before improvements can be made and I think you are feeling that in regards to your husband.
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Post by choosinghappy on Aug 14, 2018 21:32:19 GMT -5
JMX sister! Preach it! I am so there with you. When my hormones are in the swing of the moon my thoughts and food intake get wild. Last month I was pretty sure I needed to get my clitoral hood pierced (I have not). I also will literally feel like I cannot live in this marriage another second. One day this summer I just walked out my front door and walked for roughly 3 hours, just needing to feel like I am capable of MOVEMENT. Hugs to you sister. Keep posting. We are here! You know what the crazy thing is? On a good week - I am totally into myself. I feel amazing, I am doing everything right, checking all the boxes. I am happy, smiling at everyone. Crushing my job. Adoring my kids. Taking care of myself. And I FEEL it. But by the next week, despite all the self love in the world, I have not had a hug, or physical touch or any words of affirmation that didn’t come from myself or maybe from work. I go from thinking of myself (entire package, that is) as quite the catch to falling hard and into misery. I am not wired to be unnoticed. I recognize it as selfish. When I feel selfish like that - I also wear the shame of not counting my blessings. My self talk during this week is quite wholly made up of (SHAME on you!!! You were born in a place where you get to CHOOSE your life - this is YOUR fault. SHAME on you! You have two beautiful souls for daughters!!). It goes on and on and on that week. Shaming myself for not being properly grateful. My mood is still okay during this week. I can pick myself up and keep going. The week that follows? Extreme and painful misery where I cannot do anything and punish myself the entire week. Self sabotage extraordinaire. Wash, rinse, repeat. JMX this is NOT meant to sound snarky: look into changing your birth control pill/method. I was up and down hard like that too throughout my cycle until I changed to a pill that had an increased dose each week. It helped level me out. And Nuvaring? Forget it: it turned me into a CRAZY person.
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 15, 2018 7:11:45 GMT -5
baza - I need to think about this more - so I deleted the last post. In retrospect / it sounded dumb. I need to go to sleep so I can get up and pretend that I enjoy my choice to work out tomorrow morning JMX, trust me. You do want to work out. At least, when I was at the stage you are, I know I wanted to work out. Nevermind the endorphins, I got more positive reinforcement during one hour at the gym than I got during a week at home. I hope you are getting that, too. I second the working out. It feels darn good as you get closer to fitting into your highschool pants. Plus when you get out, you can be rocking that sweet bikini to pick up the guys.
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 15, 2018 7:14:59 GMT -5
You know what the crazy thing is? On a good week - I am totally into myself. I feel amazing, I am doing everything right, checking all the boxes. I am happy, smiling at everyone. Crushing my job. Adoring my kids. Taking care of myself. And I FEEL it. But by the next week, despite all the self love in the world, I have not had a hug, or physical touch or any words of affirmation that didn’t come from myself or maybe from work. I go from thinking of myself (entire package, that is) as quite the catch to falling hard and into misery. I am not wired to be unnoticed. I recognize it as selfish. When I feel selfish like that - I also wear the shame of not counting my blessings. My self talk during this week is quite wholly made up of (SHAME on you!!! You were born in a place where you get to CHOOSE your life - this is YOUR fault. SHAME on you! You have two beautiful souls for daughters!!). It goes on and on and on that week. Shaming myself for not being properly grateful. My mood is still okay during this week. I can pick myself up and keep going. The week that follows? Extreme and painful misery where I cannot do anything and punish myself the entire week. Self sabotage extraordinaire. Wash, rinse, repeat. JMX this is NOT meant to sound snarky: look into changing your birth control pill/method. I was up and down hard like that too throughout my cycle until I changed to a pill that had an increased dose each week. It helped level me out. And Nuvaring? Forget it: it turned me into a CRAZY person. I know several women, (one that was quite frequent in this board) that went the hormonal iud route. It's helped calm down the mood swings and they have a 5 year goalie in place that they don't have to remember to take.
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Post by JMX on Sept 19, 2018 20:27:12 GMT -5
You know what the crazy thing is? On a good week - I am totally into myself. I feel amazing, I am doing everything right, checking all the boxes. I am happy, smiling at everyone. Crushing my job. Adoring my kids. Taking care of myself. And I FEEL it. But by the next week, despite all the self love in the world, I have not had a hug, or physical touch or any words of affirmation that didn’t come from myself or maybe from work. I go from thinking of myself (entire package, that is) as quite the catch to falling hard and into misery. I am not wired to be unnoticed. I recognize it as selfish. When I feel selfish like that - I also wear the shame of not counting my blessings. My self talk during this week is quite wholly made up of (SHAME on you!!! You were born in a place where you get to CHOOSE your life - this is YOUR fault. SHAME on you! You have two beautiful souls for daughters!!). It goes on and on and on that week. Shaming myself for not being properly grateful. My mood is still okay during this week. I can pick myself up and keep going. The week that follows? Extreme and painful misery where I cannot do anything and punish myself the entire week. Self sabotage extraordinaire. Wash, rinse, repeat. JMX this is NOT meant to sound snarky: look into changing your birth control pill/method. I was up and down hard like that too throughout my cycle until I changed to a pill that had an increased dose each week. It helped level me out. And Nuvaring? Forget it: it turned me into a CRAZY person. I apologize - did not see this before tonight. I was on Mirena and it DID make me crazy. Even though I am a fertile turtle, I told hubs he would have to get snipped (I will not get surgery or subject myself to anymore crazy hormones for the paltry bone I get thown - and I SAID that exact sentence out loud) since I got it taken out one year after I should have - when the baby turned 6. Hubs refused to get snipped. Or go to the doctor.even though he has now developed man boobs.
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