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Post by JMX on Aug 12, 2018 21:14:41 GMT -5
I was going to post a reply in “staying” but it feels like giving up on life. Coupled with me being an asshole by nature, I cannot do it. I WANT a challenge.
I have had a crazy cycle lately. Every three weeks consistently for a year. Every two weeks lately? This time, it is slower than predicted. Shrug.
I know I am not pregnant.
What used to be werewolf week has been replaced with carb-loading and craziness. I CRAVE the carbs even though I mostly stay away - and I am a fucking lunatic.
Every thing I am able to roll back for two weeks at a time - gets thwarted for a week.
In the last week - I came solidly to a decision - I don’t want my husband to remain my husband.
I fantasize about my closet after divorce - it will be all mine. I redo our room - in my head - for a fresh start. I plan, and implement a strategy that monetarily leaves him no choice. The latter has been going on for two years.
I prefer work than being at home - I have not had an off day in 3 weeks. I am exhausted, but okay with being at work.
My kids have asked questions recently (and weirdly) about the time we almost got divorced. Their father left for 5 days hotel hopping during the rough patch and they remember.
Instead of reassuring them, I have opted for: “sometimes people are better friends than married people”. And I don’t offer much more. I feel like they FEEL it.
But, despite all of the above, I still cuddled him this morning and jokingly rubbed my tits in his face. Of course, it did not lead to the third time I would get laid in 2018, but it got a smile. It got a sleepy laugh.
He is currently watching the CARTOON of Justice League - when all I want to do is finish the Handmaid’s Tale
I am so fucked up that I was actually jealous of the main character - getting laid more than I do (hint, she is being raped).
And I don’t ever really want it for my husband anymore. I want it with anyone. He will do, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t desire him at all. Nd I am too broken-down to cheat.
Thanks for letting me get that all down.
I want to leave. I will never post or be supportive in the “staying” board. I just can’t. They should all leave.
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Post by Dan on Aug 12, 2018 21:35:11 GMT -5
I will never post or be supportive in the “staying” board. I just can’t. They should all leave. You are -- quite possibly -- right. I know -- we all know -- how hard it is. Sending big hugs. (... preferably with you standing, and me sitting in a chair, so I get a bit of that tit-action... )
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Post by heartbrokengirl on Aug 12, 2018 21:37:08 GMT -5
I was going to post a reply in “staying” but it feels like giving up on life. Coupled with me being an asshole by nature, I cannot do it. I WANT a challenge. I have had a crazy cycle lately. Every three weeks consistently for a year. Every two weeks lately? This time, it is slower than predicted. Shrug. I know I am not pregnant. What used to be werewolf week has been replaced with carb-loading and craziness. I CRAVE the carbs even though I mostly stay away - and I am a fucking lunatic. Every thing I am able to roll back for two weeks at a time - gets thwarted for a week. In the last week - I came solidly to a decision - I don’t want my husband to remain my husband. I fantasize about my closet after divorce - it will be all mine. I redo our room - in my head - for a fresh start. I plan, and implement a strategy that monetarily leaves him no choice. The latter has been going on for two years. I prefer work than being at home - I have not had an off day in 3 weeks. I am exhausted, but okay with being at work. My kids have asked questions recently (and weirdly) about the time we almost got divorced. Their father left for 5 days hotel hopping during the rough patch and they remember. Instead of reassuring them, I have opted for: “sometimes people are better friends than married people”. And I don’t offer much more. I feel like they FEEL it. But, despite all of the above, I still cuddled him this morning and jokingly rubbed my tits in his face. Of course, it did not lead to the third time I would get laid in 2018, but it got a smile. It got a sleepy laugh. He is currently watching the CARTOON of Justice League - when all I want to do is finish the Handmaid’s Tale I am so fucked up that I was actually jealous of the main character - getting laid more than I do (hint, she is being raped). And I don’t ever really want it for my husband anymore. I want it with anyone. He will do, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t desire him at all. Nd I am too broken-down to cheat. Thanks for letting me get that all down. I want to leave. I will never post or be supportive in the “staying” board. I just can’t. They should all leave. I don’t want to project JMX, but I literally have been dealing with the same cyclical ups and downs, carb-craving and fantasizing about life post-SM. It feels like PMS on steroids (to me at least). I’ve been thinking something is *wrong* with me. I revealed this to my therapist and she said “Anxiety can take many forms; it’s not just nervousness and panic attacks. Your anger, cravings and seemingly outlandish thoughts are a result of prolonged extreme duress.” Our bodies know we need out before our minds do, and they respond by telling us in various ways. Biology is a funny thing. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s a roller coaster, and I’m here if you want to vent. It’s so difficult to manage it all. Hugs!
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Post by JMX on Aug 12, 2018 21:38:53 GMT -5
I was going to post a reply in “staying” but it feels like giving up on life. Coupled with me being an asshole by nature, I cannot do it. I WANT a challenge. I have had a crazy cycle lately. Every three weeks consistently for a year. Every two weeks lately? This time, it is slower than predicted. Shrug. I know I am not pregnant. What used to be werewolf week has been replaced with carb-loading and craziness. I CRAVE the carbs even though I mostly stay away - and I am a fucking lunatic. Every thing I am able to roll back for two weeks at a time - gets thwarted for a week. In the last week - I came solidly to a decision - I don’t want my husband to remain my husband. I fantasize about my closet after divorce - it will be all mine. I redo our room - in my head - for a fresh start. I plan, and implement a strategy that monetarily leaves him no choice. The latter has been going on for two years. I prefer work than being at home - I have not had an off day in 3 weeks. I am exhausted, but okay with being at work. My kids have asked questions recently (and weirdly) about the time we almost got divorced. Their father left for 5 days hotel hopping during the rough patch and they remember. Instead of reassuring them, I have opted for: “sometimes people are better friends than married people”. And I don’t offer much more. I feel like they FEEL it. But, despite all of the above, I still cuddled him this morning and jokingly rubbed my tits in his face. Of course, it did not lead to the third time I would get laid in 2018, but it got a smile. It got a sleepy laugh. He is currently watching the CARTOON of Justice League - when all I want to do is finish the Handmaid’s Tale I am so fucked up that I was actually jealous of the main character - getting laid more than I do (hint, she is being raped). And I don’t ever really want it for my husband anymore. I want it with anyone. He will do, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t desire him at all. Nd I am too broken-down to cheat. Thanks for letting me get that all down. I want to leave. I will never post or be supportive in the “staying” board. I just can’t. They should all leave. I don’t want to project JMX, but I literally have been dealing with the same cyclical ups and downs, carb-craving and fantasizing about life post-SM. It feels like PMS on steroids (to me at least). I’ve been thinking something is *wrong* with me. I revealed this to my therapist and she said “Anxiety can take many forms; it’s not just nervousness and panic attacks. Your anger, cravings and seemingly outlandish thoughts are a result of prolonged extreme duress.” Our bodies know we need out before our minds do, and they respond by telling us in various ways. Biology is a funny thing. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s a roller coaster, and I’m here if you want to vent. It’s so difficult to manage it all. Hugs! Thank you. I don’t feel like you are projecting - it feels like commiserating. Thank you a hundred times! It feels better not to be alone.
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Post by baza on Aug 12, 2018 21:40:38 GMT -5
Doing your emotional and logistical sums every so often is not such a bad policy Sister JMX . The sums either add up to staying, by a very small margin, or a quite comfortable margin...or they add up to leaving, by a very small margin, or quite a comfortable margin. It reads like your sums come up with "leave". But is that by a comfortable margin, or a pretty skinny amount. A slight or skinny margin to leave - or stay - is seldom enough to do the job and has you in that "nowhere" zone where you sort of choose both staying and leaving and thus choose neither, and as such, indecision makes the default choice for you...and the consequences - good or bad - that ensue from that, you own. It's a shit, being in that "foot in both camps" situation. Feeling for you Sister.
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Post by JMX on Aug 12, 2018 21:42:32 GMT -5
I will never post or be supportive in the “staying” board. I just can’t. They should all leave. You are -- quite possibly -- right. I know -- we all know -- how hard it is. Sending big hugs. (... preferably with you standing, and me sitting in a chair, so I get a bit of that tit-action... ) Don’t tempt me. If memory serves, I can probably get to you in about 12 hours - just to rub my boobs in your face.
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Post by heartbrokengirl on Aug 12, 2018 21:45:19 GMT -5
You are -- quite possibly -- right. I know -- we all know -- how hard it is. Sending big hugs. (... preferably with you standing, and me sitting in a chair, so I get a bit of that tit-action... ) Don’t tempt me. If memory serves, I can probably get to you in about 12 hours - just to rub my boobs in your face. Hahaha oh my god I just laughed so hard! Probably because I understand that even that is *something* for us sex starved women. Y’all are just the best 😂
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Post by JMX on Aug 12, 2018 21:50:17 GMT -5
Doing your emotional and logistical sums every so often is not such a bad policy Sister JMX . The sums either add up to staying, by a very small margin, or a quite comfortable margin...or they add up to leaving, by a very small margin, or quite a comfortable margin. It reads like your sums come up with "leave". But is that by a comfortable margin, or a pretty skinny amount. A slight or skinny margin to leave - or stay - is seldom enough to do the job and has you in that "nowhere" zone where you sort of choose both staying and leaving and thus choose neither, and as such, indecision makes the default choice for you...and the consequences - good or bad - that ensue from that, you own. It's a shit, being in that "foot in both camps" situation. Feeling for you Sister. It WAS a YUGE margin. And it has dissipated to a skinny one. It is starting to crescendo, again! I am so pissed at myself for not pulling off the bandaid sooner. I knew better.
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Post by Dan on Aug 12, 2018 21:52:34 GMT -5
I know -- we all know -- how hard it is. Sending big hugs. (... preferably with you standing, and me sitting in a chair, so I get a bit of that tit-action... ) Don’t tempt me. If memory serves, I can probably get to you in about 12 hours - just to rub my boobs in your face. Your memory is probably correct, but your calculation is probably wrong... ... six hours is probably more accurate, as if there was a serious offer of boobs-in-face time, I'd be driving towards YOU at the same speed! PS: I'll bring some carbs, to boot. Cheesecake? Chips? Chocolate? You name it... (LOL: I think I'm offering to be your literal "sugar daddy"....)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2018 21:54:17 GMT -5
I was going to post a reply in “staying” but it feels like giving up on life. Coupled with me being an asshole by nature, I cannot do it. I WANT a challenge. I have had a crazy cycle lately. Every three weeks consistently for a year. Every two weeks lately? This time, it is slower than predicted. Shrug. I know I am not pregnant. What used to be werewolf week has been replaced with carb-loading and craziness. I CRAVE the carbs even though I mostly stay away - and I am a fucking lunatic. Every thing I am able to roll back for two weeks at a time - gets thwarted for a week. In the last week - I came solidly to a decision - I don’t want my husband to remain my husband. I fantasize about my closet after divorce - it will be all mine. I redo our room - in my head - for a fresh start. I plan, and implement a strategy that monetarily leaves him no choice. The latter has been going on for two years. I prefer work than being at home - I have not had an off day in 3 weeks. I am exhausted, but okay with being at work. My kids have asked questions recently (and weirdly) about the time we almost got divorced. Their father left for 5 days hotel hopping during the rough patch and they remember. Instead of reassuring them, I have opted for: “sometimes people are better friends than married people”. And I don’t offer much more. I feel like they FEEL it. But, despite all of the above, I still cuddled him this morning and jokingly rubbed my tits in his face. Of course, it did not lead to the third time I would get laid in 2018, but it got a smile. It got a sleepy laugh. He is currently watching the CARTOON of Justice League - when all I want to do is finish the Handmaid’s Tale I am so fucked up that I was actually jealous of the main character - getting laid more than I do (hint, she is being raped). And I don’t ever really want it for my husband anymore. I want it with anyone. He will do, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t desire him at all. Nd I am too broken-down to cheat. Thanks for letting me get that all down. I want to leave. I will never post or be supportive in the “staying” board. I just can’t. They should all leave. Nobody is required to be supportive on any board...you are not negligent. Many are too broken down to cheat, breath normally, sleep peacefully or eat happily...you are not alone. These feelings are normal, but they are welling up (also normal). Take a pinch of time, then talk to a friend. Thought trumps rumination. Contemplation trumps worry. The love of a good mother trumps everything!
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Post by JMX on Aug 12, 2018 22:00:41 GMT -5
I was going to post a reply in “staying” but it feels like giving up on life. Coupled with me being an asshole by nature, I cannot do it. I WANT a challenge. I have had a crazy cycle lately. Every three weeks consistently for a year. Every two weeks lately? This time, it is slower than predicted. Shrug. I know I am not pregnant. What used to be werewolf week has been replaced with carb-loading and craziness. I CRAVE the carbs even though I mostly stay away - and I am a fucking lunatic. Every thing I am able to roll back for two weeks at a time - gets thwarted for a week. In the last week - I came solidly to a decision - I don’t want my husband to remain my husband. I fantasize about my closet after divorce - it will be all mine. I redo our room - in my head - for a fresh start. I plan, and implement a strategy that monetarily leaves him no choice. The latter has been going on for two years. I prefer work than being at home - I have not had an off day in 3 weeks. I am exhausted, but okay with being at work. My kids have asked questions recently (and weirdly) about the time we almost got divorced. Their father left for 5 days hotel hopping during the rough patch and they remember. Instead of reassuring them, I have opted for: “sometimes people are better friends than married people”. And I don’t offer much more. I feel like they FEEL it. But, despite all of the above, I still cuddled him this morning and jokingly rubbed my tits in his face. Of course, it did not lead to the third time I would get laid in 2018, but it got a smile. It got a sleepy laugh. He is currently watching the CARTOON of Justice League - when all I want to do is finish the Handmaid’s Tale I am so fucked up that I was actually jealous of the main character - getting laid more than I do (hint, she is being raped). And I don’t ever really want it for my husband anymore. I want it with anyone. He will do, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t desire him at all. Nd I am too broken-down to cheat. Thanks for letting me get that all down. I want to leave. I will never post or be supportive in the “staying” board. I just can’t. They should all leave. Nobody is required to be supportive on any board...you are not negligent. Many are too broken down to cheat, breath normally, sleep peacefully or eat happily...you are not alone. These feelings are normal, but they are welling up (also normal). Take a pinch of time, then talk to a friend. Thought trumps rumination. Contemplation trumps worry. The love of a good mother trumps everything! My MOTHER tells me how great her 70 year old sex life is. Once, she told me about having sex with my father in their tree house he built for the grandchildren. My kids swing from a post my mom did two years ago, while taking it from my dad. I also talk to ALL of my friends. They ALL know everything about me. I would also gather - acquaintances know more than they should. My THOUGHT IS RUMINATION!! I contemplate everything - I am not worried. I can handle anything.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2018 22:06:53 GMT -5
Nobody is required to be supportive on any board...you are not negligent. Many are too broken down to cheat, breath normally, sleep peacefully or eat happily...you are not alone. These feelings are normal, but they are welling up (also normal). Take a pinch of time, then talk to a friend. Thought trumps rumination. Contemplation trumps worry. The love of a good mother trumps everything! My MOTHER tells me how great her 70 year old sex life is. Once, she told me about having sex with my father in their tree house he built for the grandchildren. My kids swing from a post my mom did two years ago, while taking it from my dad. I also talk to ALL of my friends. They ALL know everything about me. I would also gather - acquaintances know more than they should. My THOUGHT IS RUMINATION!! I contemplate everything - I am not worried. I can handle anything. And you will.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 12, 2018 23:06:37 GMT -5
I will never post or be supportive in the “staying” board. I just can’t. They should all leave. I get it. I do. I don’t think there’s anything superior about staying under the circumstances, just that it’s the “least bad” option for some folks. For me, that rating may yet fail - not because I become “enlightened”, but because the lack of affection may break me.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2018 23:53:23 GMT -5
some of us should not leave
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Post by baza on Aug 13, 2018 0:10:53 GMT -5
If you do your due diligence, and make a fully informed choice, and that choice is to take the "least bad" option (as you see it) then that's a great choice. "Least bad" is in fact the better option (as you see it).
The key is, that you have to do your due diligence and make a fully informed choice after looking objectively at all the options. ALL the options. Yep, even the ones you don't like the look of at this very moment.
There is NEVER, in our common situations, one great option and one awful option. That just does not happen.
Which ever way you jump, there are going to be problems - guaranteed.
If you choose to stay, then with it comes the problems of that choice, largely known and familiar to you. If you choose to leave, then with it comes the problems of that choice, largely unknown and unfamiliar to you. Both pretty intimidating prospects.
What you don't get (and no-one gets) is an option that doesn't have problems attached to it.
Rather, what you get is problems you can't manage under one choice, and problems that you can manage under the other choice.
Let's imagine you have a dopelganger situation...who we'll call baz1 and baz2 Both have the same problems of being in an ILIASM deal. Both do their due diligence and fully explore all the options, and make a fully informed choice. Baz #1 decides - "I believe I can manage the known and familiar problems, but can't manage the potential new ones. I'm staying" Baz #2 decides - "I believe I can manage the unknown and unfamiliar problems, but I can't manage the existing ones. I'm leaving"
There's no right or wrong there.
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