Post by nyartgal on Jul 28, 2018 3:51:38 GMT -5
Hello from Opposite Land! (That’s a name we use for when you get out of a SM and find that you are indeed attractive, desirable, and sex is widely available)
I am catching up on these stories and having some flashbacks. Yikes! Oh, that anxiety about when to initiate, how, whether to. Are the sun and moon in trine with Mercury? If I dance on the head of this pin will he rip my clothes off and fuck my brains out? Please? Pretty please? Yeah, none of that worked.
Which brings me to: lowering the bar. In a SM you will probably find yourself lowering the acceptable bar of not only the amount of sex, but the amount of desire, love, connection and often even affection you need to be happy. This is how you get dug in and lose yourself, folks. Don’t do it.
Whatever it is you need to be happy, YOU NEED IT. Regular sex, companionship, foreplay, good conversations, help in the kitchen, it doesn’t matter. You are entitled to being a fully fledged human being with fully fledged needs and desires and you don’t need to constantly minimize them to make your partner more comfortable until all of your needs are approximately the size of a speck of dust in your relationship. This will lead nowhere good.
Here’s a story from the day before yesterday. Me and my husband are on a trip, kids are with the grandparents. We get tired of sightseeing and go back to the apt where we are staying. He’s on the couch in the living room and I’m in the bedroom. After a while I call out, “hey, I think I’m going to take a nap. Do you want to come in here and take a nap with me?” He calls back, “if I come in there, I’m probably going to bother you...” So I say, “Great, come bother me! We can take a nap after.” He walked in with a big smile and we had sex twice. And no nap! Ha!
My point is, when you have a healthy relationship, sex is no big deal. It’s simple. It’s just something you do for fun because you love your partner and it feels good and you can. This is a million percent human and natural. What isn’t natural is begging, feeling like shit, constant rejection, talking about your sex problems instead of having sex, etc.
Opposite Land is great! And it’s real. I hope you can live there one day....
I am catching up on these stories and having some flashbacks. Yikes! Oh, that anxiety about when to initiate, how, whether to. Are the sun and moon in trine with Mercury? If I dance on the head of this pin will he rip my clothes off and fuck my brains out? Please? Pretty please? Yeah, none of that worked.
Which brings me to: lowering the bar. In a SM you will probably find yourself lowering the acceptable bar of not only the amount of sex, but the amount of desire, love, connection and often even affection you need to be happy. This is how you get dug in and lose yourself, folks. Don’t do it.
Whatever it is you need to be happy, YOU NEED IT. Regular sex, companionship, foreplay, good conversations, help in the kitchen, it doesn’t matter. You are entitled to being a fully fledged human being with fully fledged needs and desires and you don’t need to constantly minimize them to make your partner more comfortable until all of your needs are approximately the size of a speck of dust in your relationship. This will lead nowhere good.
Here’s a story from the day before yesterday. Me and my husband are on a trip, kids are with the grandparents. We get tired of sightseeing and go back to the apt where we are staying. He’s on the couch in the living room and I’m in the bedroom. After a while I call out, “hey, I think I’m going to take a nap. Do you want to come in here and take a nap with me?” He calls back, “if I come in there, I’m probably going to bother you...” So I say, “Great, come bother me! We can take a nap after.” He walked in with a big smile and we had sex twice. And no nap! Ha!
My point is, when you have a healthy relationship, sex is no big deal. It’s simple. It’s just something you do for fun because you love your partner and it feels good and you can. This is a million percent human and natural. What isn’t natural is begging, feeling like shit, constant rejection, talking about your sex problems instead of having sex, etc.
Opposite Land is great! And it’s real. I hope you can live there one day....