Post by timeforliving2 on Jul 26, 2018 13:04:53 GMT -5
I agree with @workingonit that many who choose to stay in their SMs (or perhaps, feel they have no choice but to stay) likely don't stick around here indefinitely due to the pro-leaving attitude of the board and also because: if you feel stuck in a shitty situation, being constantly reminded of your shitty situation doesn't necessarily help your mindframe. I think people stop participating here as a form of self-preservation.
I think you are fairly on target with your assessment / theory of who sticks around these boards.
FWIW - I'll share my personal situation and how I was active / inactive on these boards. It took me about 3 years from when I first joined the former EP site to when I took specific actions to force a result.... either turn this SM around or leave (e.g. counseling vs. separation/divorce).
On New Year's Day 2011 (1/1/11) I was searching for SMs and found and joined the EP site. However, for 2+ years I was sporadic about logging in to the site and reading posts. I never posted any replies or any of my own stuff until approximately March 2013. From approximately June 2013 - October 2013 I was very active, sharing my story, reading and posting a lot, etc. This was because in late December 2012 I resolved that 2013 was the year that things *had* to change for me. I took off my wedding ring and that point and wrote a 1-page letter / note to my refuser W that things *had* to change in 2013 (e.g. in so many words I implied divorce because I was so broken and unhappy).
Anyway, the point is that the first 2 years I merely lurked and sporadically read things on the EP site. In that third year I really became active. I would imagine that everyone is different, in terms of how urgent they are / feel about *resolving* the SM issue. I lot of people probably are, like you say, depressed and don't want to be constantly reminded about their shitty situation. Therefore, probably like me, they come back sporadically just when they get more frustrated than average... but they're not on these boards every day or every week.
Just my 2 cents.