timedelay
Full Member
Posts: 153
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by timedelay on Jul 22, 2019 18:22:23 GMT -5
I think I've lost my self-esteem in that area and it's a real possibility I may never get to be intimate with anyone again. Very sad. Yes, that IS sad but think about how many women are 'out there' feeling the exact same way! I agree with Saarinista, go find your freedom. Life is too short. I hope you find a solution soon.
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okiedude
Junior Member
Learning to live with my Situation.
Posts: 87
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by okiedude on Jul 22, 2019 19:21:42 GMT -5
I hint all the time and get shutdown... all the stars and moons must be inline then it is amazing... Then nothing...
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 22, 2019 21:32:23 GMT -5
You might have higher chance of success during ovuĺation week. Do you track her cycles. Might be worth thinking about I hint all the time and get shutdown... all the stars and moons must be inline then it is amazing... Then nothing...
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Post by lessingham on Jul 27, 2019 4:13:35 GMT -5
I initiate sex and get rejection. She has a bucket list of things that cause refusal, people in the house, curtains not fully drawn, postman has not been, too sleepy, not the weekend, weekend sex is a cliche and so on. It hurts. But at least I try, she never initiates, not the job of the woman to initiate apparently.
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Post by nyctos on Jul 27, 2019 17:17:56 GMT -5
I initiate sex and get rejection. She has a bucket list of things that cause refusal, people in the house, curtains not fully drawn, postman has not been, too sleepy, not the weekend, weekend sex is a cliche and so on. It hurts. But at least I try, she never initiates, not the job of the woman to initiate apparently. I know what you mean. My refuser did have a list of things as well, but now she just preemptively refuses if anything gets even close to actual intimacy. The closest I get to it is she had me massage her feet almost every night while she falls asleep (and no...if I move higher than the knees I get outright rejection.)
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Post by Handy on Jul 27, 2019 20:01:54 GMT -5
Some women really go for the foot massages.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 27, 2019 20:47:18 GMT -5
lessingham, I see no indictation that your marriage can be saved. At least not to where you'll be having sex again. Or niceness.
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Post by sadkat on Jul 27, 2019 21:36:04 GMT -5
Some women really go for the foot massages. I love a good foot massage. It can be a great turn-on!
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Post by Handy on Jul 27, 2019 23:08:11 GMT -5
I used to do the foot massages before having sex but the sex was so "not there" and it was a way for my W to dump all her negativity on me, so I really didn't feel any love or connection. Several times having sex made me feel worse. If anyone wants to learn some good points about foot massage just look up Reflexology. Here is one video (no particular endorsement by me)
A local Reflexology practitioner actually has some people off of their meds and the people pass their blood work results. No woo-woo but I can't explain why their blood labs are in the normal range. However, the video is not in a class so people can eliminate needed medications. Another problem is Reflexology treatments cost a lot more than most medications and the treatments take 2 hours, one hour with your feet in some water and vibrating device and then another 50 min in the treatment chair with the therapist.
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Post by deleted on Jul 28, 2019 16:19:22 GMT -5
I quit attempting to initiate several years ago. The ego blow of constantly getting refused was a major kick in the stones.
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Post by csl on Jul 28, 2019 21:07:24 GMT -5
I know what you mean. My refuser did have a list of things as well, but now she just preemptively refuses if anything gets even close to actual intimacy. The closest I get to it is she had me massage her feet almost every night while she falls asleep (and no...if I move higher than the knees I get outright rejection.) Unless you've got a thing for feet, why do it at all? She's not into you, why are you supposed to be into her feet?
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Post by fredackerman on Jul 29, 2019 11:24:47 GMT -5
similar situation here. starfish sex is a new term for me but i immediately understood it. i'm a senior guy but still oh, so ready ! just so depressed mentally that when i start something i soon realize that hopelessness is reality that my mood and other things die in action. if you come up with any help pls post
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Post by orangepeel on Jul 31, 2019 16:04:13 GMT -5
My wife, who has steadfastly refused sex with me for seven years, regularly asks foot massages.
She’s got a serious fucking nerve.
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Post by csl on Jul 31, 2019 16:05:38 GMT -5
My wife, who has steadfastly refused sex with me for seven years, regularly asks foot massages. She’s got a serious fucking nerve. Yup. Buy her a foot massager and be done with it. Either that or need Nancy Reagan's dictum, "Just say no."
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Post by Apocrypha on Aug 1, 2019 10:36:35 GMT -5
Back when I suspected I was going along with gaslighting on our frequency, I kept a secret journal on a free ovulation/fertility app, tracking how many times I "made an intimate invitation" of some kind or another vs how many times rejected.
I quickly learned to qualify what constituted an invitation, over time, and a rejection. For example, I eventually counted her physically pushing me back, or kicking me, or an eye roll and a "tsk" as a higher level rejection than a "not tonight". I counted a "maybe later" followed by an early bed and sleep, as a different thing, and a "No thank you" or "just hold me" as something else.
I differentiated between an expressed verbal invitation, vs an attempt (one or more) to touch during a night's sleep.
I counted the times I was "with myself" instead of with her.
I totaled them up and, if memory serves, I think I was at a rate of rejection somewhere around 300/1, once we were "working on it" and it was a focus of attention.
Even I was shocked by that number.
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