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Post by idgaf96 on Jul 10, 2018 13:19:01 GMT -5
Your description about your wife's behavior is worrisome. Children should not have to live like this regardless if it is 1x a month or 1x a year. Yelling at a maid because lunch was late is horrible and for 2 hours. I don't even have words. What does your wife do with her time if she has maids that care for the children and she doesn't work? I would install cameras with audio so you have full knowledge of what she is and isn't saying or doing. Protect your kids. Your marriage is irrelevant right now. Good luck Nicky. Be strong and do what needs to be done.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 10, 2018 13:26:29 GMT -5
I wonder why you didn’t intervene when your wife was cruelty berating the maid for 2 hours. I don’t understand how you could be passive in the face of such cruelty. You could have told the maid she had the rest of the day off with pay. You could have told your wife that she was being cruel and you could have asked her to leave until she had calmed down.
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Post by nyctos on Jul 10, 2018 13:34:37 GMT -5
I wonder why you didn’t intervene when your wife was cruelty berating the maid for 2 hours. I don’t understand how you could be passive in the face of such cruelty. You could have told the maid she had the rest of the day off with pay. You could have told your wife that she was being cruel and you could have asked her to leave until she had calmed down. I think there's a sort of paralysis in the face of such unreasonableness, where a person simply doesn't know how to respond. nicky, you should consider in advance how you're going to respond when your wife goes on another rampage. Be prepared to not be entirely reasonable yourself.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 10, 2018 13:37:08 GMT -5
Indeed. I hate to say it, but you might be a case example regarding just how soul crushing a sexless marriage can be.
Your wife does not work. Your wife has help around the house. Your wife has no concern for your needs or the humanity of the people that do her work for her. The term "parasite" comes to mind.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 10, 2018 14:32:28 GMT -5
I wonder why you didn’t intervene when your wife was cruelty berating the maid for 2 hours. I don’t understand how you could be passive in the face of such cruelty. You could have told the maid she had the rest of the day off with pay. You could have told your wife that she was being cruel and you could have asked her to leave until she had calmed down. He's a nice guy. Guys are taught to be nice growing up and as a result, sometimes find that "special someone" who walks all over them. I was much the same way. My ex was a stay at home mom with a cleaning lady. Entitled as all fuck. It took me snapping to understand that I don't want to be a nice guy. I want to be a good guy. World of difference.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 10, 2018 14:59:06 GMT -5
Nice guys aren’t passive when someone else is being abused.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 10, 2018 16:05:26 GMT -5
"Nice guys finish last." Nice guys that are so nice they get pushed around are the stereotype that women find unattractive. Women look for security, although what characteristics they see as security vary widely. Some see physical strength, some see a steady career, some see celebrity,... What kind of woman feels secure with a guy she knows she can push around? We have an example here of what she is like.
I hope that "nice guy" characteristic that allows her to act the way she does is about to whither and blow away, replaced by a good strong backbone.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 10, 2018 16:24:04 GMT -5
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Post by csl on Jul 10, 2018 19:59:50 GMT -5
Nice guys aren’t passive when someone else is being abused. In a blog post from last year, Sheila Wray Gregoire (a Christian marriage and sexuality blogger) penned a line that I have riffed off of more than once. She wrote: "We are called to be good. We are not called to be nice." That's worth tattooing somewhere.
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Post by ted on Jul 10, 2018 20:25:10 GMT -5
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Post by csl on Jul 10, 2018 20:49:49 GMT -5
I am wary of titles telling us to not be "Nice Guys" anymore. From what I see, and this is just anecdotal, so it probably doesn't mean much--but I find that an awful lot of former "Nice Guys" overshoot the mark into straight-up dickishness. Hence my full quote on called to be good, not nice.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 10, 2018 20:50:06 GMT -5
Nice guys aren’t passive when someone else is being abused. OH yes they are!! Very passive. These same men who would rescue a stranger on the street are blind to what goes on to themselves and in their own family. Due to decades of conditioning and believing that they still need to just be kinder, that maybe if i do this for her she will like me more, and/or that ingrained duty to protect her and agree with her. Then there are those who checked their manhood at the door years ago and found they will never win against a manipulative bitch, the same bitch that they where conned into rescuing.. There whole identity, finances, and family are all too wrapped up under her decades of control and will take it to their grave. It's a huge issue that your comment very offensively ignores in today's society.
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Post by ted on Jul 10, 2018 21:13:24 GMT -5
I am wary of titles telling us to not be "Nice Guys" anymore. From what I see, and this is just anecdotal, so it probably doesn't mean much--but I find that an awful lot of former "Nice Guys" overshoot the mark into straight-up dickishness. Hence my full quote on called to be good, not nice. I hear ya, but I read this book, and it's not the book you fear. I'm guessing the punchy title markets well, and the subtitle was already too long to add "without overshooting the mark into straight-up dickishness." The author addresses your concern at length. I'll grant "be good, not nice" is perspicuous, but if you want a well-elaborated explanation with examples and encouragement, this book is for you.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 10, 2018 21:30:37 GMT -5
May I also note that in this context "nice guy" could also be "nice girl", "good man" could also be "good woman", and "bad boy" could be "royal bitch".
This is not a male-only phenononem. Nice girls get fucked over by bad boys too. Seems to me like we should strive to be good men and good women. Not taking shit but not giving it either.
Unfortunately I don't think many people here are married to truly good men or women.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 10, 2018 21:31:57 GMT -5
Nice guys aren’t passive when someone else is being abused. In a blog post from last year, Sheila Wray Gregoire (a Christian marriage and sexuality blogger) penned a line that I have riffed off of more than once. She wrote: "We are called to be good. We are not called to be nice." That's worth tattooing somewhere. I am going to speak up right now and state that this was not a request for suggestions. snowman12345 I'm looking at you on this one.
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