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Post by twotimesone on Jul 27, 2018 0:51:38 GMT -5
If I was a accomplished professional like a doctor or lawyer and a woman would come up to me about this, I think this would be a bad idea. I would think that this woman would be some kind of gold digger or something. If I was accomplished professional like a doctor, I would not need to go after some married woman with emotional baggage when I can just pay some woman in ashley madison for the same thing. iliasm.org/thread/3377/recruiting-married-woman-affairI've wrote up a thread about going after a woman which is of about equal social/economic standing and that might work. The woman whom I went after doesn't seem interested, so oh well. |
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Post by shamwow on Aug 1, 2018 21:47:41 GMT -5
Thank you all for your honest thoughts. I’m sitting here knowing you all think I’m crazy in putting so much stock into what just amounts to a crush on my part. I guess he’s just the first man that I’ve really been attracted to in a long time. I don’t know if I’ll ever contact him. Could the rejection I know would happen make things worse or allow me to move on? Who the hell knows? I guess I’m just looking for the “White Knight” who will save me and make me feel complete and rescue me from my SM. It would be so much easier than trying to save myself. I know there are so many other issues that I need to work on to put me in a better place mentally before I could make a better life for myself. I’m just so damn lonely, even with the husband sitting next to me. It can be so damn lonely BECAUSE the husband is sitting next to you. Which IMHO is why he seems so alluring. Someone you flirted with and you flirted back with? The thought of being with makes you seem a bit less alone? Alluring thoughts but I'm with baza on this one. Unlikely there is any "there there" based on what you've said. |
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Post by WindSister on Aug 6, 2018 18:08:27 GMT -5
Thank you for all of your input. I guess I should fill you all in a little more why I ask this question. I have really strong feelings for a man who was once a doctor of mine. I know there are so many other issues involved with that but it has been over two years since I last saw him in a professional setting. I cannot stop thinking about this man. We flirted a little when I was a patient (I know I did) but I’ve always wondered if he was interested in me in that way. The reason I think that he might is that there is a video of him on YouTube for his practice that I watch often. It’s just so I can see him and hear his voice. It seems that for every time I watch it, someone watches it an equal of times. Could it be him? I don’t know but part of me thinks it is. The reason I ask what I did is that if I did decide to contact him would he think I’m psycho? I guess I was just looking for a mans opinion on the thought of contacting him. As far as his martial status, I believe he is married. Would a man openly flirt with a woman if he was happily married? I get it. Towards the end of my SM, I joined a photography group. I met a tall blonde man who was super friendly and nice. I soon started leading my own photo hikes, particularly sunrise ones because no one else was doing that and I wanted sunrise pictures. These hikes had fewer participants, but he was always there. I had a huge crush on him and daydreamed about him. I don't think he was even flirting with me, he was just freaking being nice. Lol. But, I was so lost and lonely, and, yes, I wanted saving too. I never acted on my feelings because I then heard he had a girlfriend, but, yeah... fantasized like crazy. I still think of him fondly as he was just a cool human being. But, I'm glad I am where I am and I am with the perfect man for me now. Anyway.... it happens. I'm with the others, though. Maybe just keep pressing on. As far as being married and flirting... I suppose some men do. Happily married or not. |
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Post by flyingsolo on Aug 7, 2018 14:47:24 GMT -5
IMHO, happily married men probably flirt with an attractive female who shows interest in them (we all like a bit of attention now and then right?), but there's a line that doesn't get crossed. Where that line is depends on who you are I suppose. For some, it's OK to meet said woman for a business lunch if you work together because nothing is going to happen. For others, they wouldn't even consider having lunch with her since they are happily married.
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Post by Dan on Aug 8, 2018 12:21:33 GMT -5
I have really strong feelings for a man who was once a doctor of mine. I know there are so many other issues involved with that but it has been over two years since I last saw him in a professional setting. I'm with the camp of "I'd be flattered" and "fortune favors the bold". OK... the technical term for that is: "smitten". It is a wonderful feeling early in the path of new relationships. Enjoy feeling that way! OK, frankly, that is borderline stalker thinking. Quit the fantasizing, and just reach out to him. Who knows what he would think. But if you DON'T contact him, you won't have a shot. If you DO contact him, there is a chance of the same outcome (maybe he's in a relationship or not interested in you). But that is the same outcome, right? Reach out. Just be open to many possible ways it may play out. Or in my vernacular "detached": detached from any particular preconceived notion of how it will go. |
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Post by Caris on Aug 17, 2018 15:34:04 GMT -5
Thank you all for your honest thoughts. I’m sitting here knowing you all think I’m crazy in putting so much stock into what just amounts to a crush on my part. I guess he’s just the first man that I’ve really been attracted to in a long time. I don’t know if I’ll ever contact him. Could the rejection I know would happen make things worse or allow me to move on? Who the hell knows? I guess I’m just looking for the “White Knight” who will save me and make me feel complete and rescue me from my SM. It would be so much easier than trying to save myself. I know there are so many other issues that I need to work on to put me in a better place mentally before I could make a better life for myself. I’m just so damn lonely, even with the husband sitting next to me. I know that feeling. I've been there. There is no such thing as a man who's going to "rescue" you. I know it's hard and it sucks because I've been there. But the only one who can fix your life is you. The good news is you can fix your life. You just have to do the work. And I know that's easier said than done, especially with being depressed on top of that, because I've been there too. Hi Helen, nice to see you again. I’m curious...do you know what “fixed” looks like? I don’t. I suppose it’s an individual thing, you know one person’s fixed life wouldn’t be another’s fix. It’s been 3-years for me, and I’m doing better, but am I fixed? I’d have to say “no.” I don’t know how a fixed Caris presents herself. Maybe I’ll know it if it ever happens. Do you have a vision of your life being fixed? What’s different about it? I don’t know if these are questions you can answer, but I’ve often wondered how do I know when I’m “fixed?” If it’s even possible. I can only think that “fixed” for me is losing trepidation and fear of certain things. I generally feel like a fish out of water in this life. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 22, 2018 19:43:11 GMT -5
Follow up question: if a supposedly platonic friend had been secretly carrying a torch for you for years, would you ever want to know? Even if nothing will ever come of it? Or would that freak you out?
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Post by baza on Aug 22, 2018 19:48:10 GMT -5
Your theoretical scenario above Sister mypaintbrushes was a real situation for me a few years back...whilst still in my ILIASM deal. Under circumstances at that time I would have preferred not to have known. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 22, 2018 19:49:20 GMT -5
Perfect, all I needed to know.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 22, 2018 21:32:30 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes, it depends. If you revealed that you have a shrine, that’d be a definite no-go. Under the circumstances, selfishly, I’d welcome knowing. But I wouldn’t want to know at the expense of the friendship - like, if it made things too awkward going forward if it couldn’t be realized. If it was possible / interesting to pursue, then great; if not, I’d like to at least be sensitive to it. There are many ways you could put it out there tactfully without risking being too hurt. Like, “Have you ever thought about us going out? I’ve often wondered if we’d be compatible.” Though you can surely come up with something better. A gal I worked with ended up dating, then marrying a long-time platonic friend.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 22, 2018 22:52:32 GMT -5
Thank you! I guess I’ll leave well enough alone.
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Post by helentisScared on Aug 28, 2018 22:22:33 GMT -5
I know that feeling. I've been there. There is no such thing as a man who's going to "rescue" you. I know it's hard and it sucks because I've been there. But the only one who can fix your life is you. The good news is you can fix your life. You just have to do the work. And I know that's easier said than done, especially with being depressed on top of that, because I've been there too. Hi Helen, nice to see you again. I’m curious...do you know what “fixed” looks like? I don’t. I suppose it’s an individual thing, you know one person’s fixed life wouldn’t be another’s fix. It’s been 3-years for me, and I’m doing better, but am I fixed? I’d have to say “no.” I don’t know how a fixed Caris presents herself. Maybe I’ll know it if it ever happens. Do you have a vision of your life being fixed? What’s different about it? I don’t know if these are questions you can answer, but I’ve often wondered how do I know when I’m “fixed?” If it’s even possible. I can only think that “fixed” for me is losing trepidation and fear of certain things. I generally feel like a fish out of water in this life. Very perceptive as always. Ya got me, no, I too wonder what a fixed me would be and if its even possible. All I know is, everytime I pin my hopes on a knight in shining armour, my life situation gets drastically worse. Not that I do it often but 2 times in a life is enough to wresk some major havoc. And when I depend on me, at least it maintsins and sometimes improves. because I myself improve. Sadly ladies in distress repell knights in shining armour (unless maybe they're a supermodel but I would 't know, I've (understatement lol) never been one). |
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Post by helentisScared on Aug 28, 2018 22:28:56 GMT -5
Also Caris hugs from a fellow fish out of water (only if you want them of course) Maybe a fixed life is miraculously meeting a male fish out of water and somehow that working, just accepting one's own flaws and finding an equally flawed potential mate who does the same for himself and oneself? Like I'm tired of trying to turn from a computer potato to someone sporty. I'm just not. I want to meet a fellow chubby lazy book/technology lover and be flawrd together. I'm done wishing I was sometjhing else. Sure I csn eT a little healthier but running is always going to make me wheeze and I'm terminally uncoordinTed and fatally bored by even wTching sports (except skiing) |
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Post by JMX on Aug 28, 2018 22:32:12 GMT -5
helentisScared and Caris - have you all stumbled upon your enneagram? Just wondering because mine was so spot -on: Gave me a new perspective.
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Post by helentisScared on Aug 28, 2018 22:33:42 GMT -5
Also Caris hugs from a fellow fish out of water (only if you want them of course) Maybe a fixed life is miraculously meeting a male fish out of water and somehow that working, just accepting one's own flaws and finding an equally flawed potential mate who does the same for himself and oneself? Like I'm tired of trying to turn from a computer potato to someone sporty. I'm just not. I want to meet a fellow chubby lazy book/technology lover and be flawrd together. I'm done wishing I was sometjhing else. Sure I csn eT a little healthier but running is always going to make me wheeze and I'm terminally uncoordinTed and fatally bored by even wTching sports (except skiing) Of course that's hard b/c we all have aspirations and often we want to date the equivlent of our best selves b/c hope springs eternal we'll eventually become them. Chinby men seem to prefer either skinny girls or to go on a diet until a skinny girl comes along. Shit even when I was thin I wasn't thin enough so I quit. |
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