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Post by dallasgia on Jul 3, 2018 9:50:56 GMT -5
[/quote]Next time I will hit the weights first. I need to find a more constructive way of dealing with this, and maybe some sort of meditation in order to clear my mind before I work myself into a state.
Does anybody here have a healthy way of dealing with nights like this?[/quote]
Long standing grid locked denial is crazy making for sure. Hitting the weights is perfect for burning excess energy except as I understand human physiology it does ramp up testosterone and then there you are with no outlet. Such a frustrating cycle to be sure. You are on the right track though by keeping up the work outs. Focus on being the best you - strengthen your strengths and work on mitigating one weakness at a time. Your strength and confidence will bring you a fwb . One thing I’m figuring out is that we are not in the minority locked in our sm. There is a fwb in your circle - you just have to identify her.
I listen to audible on nights I can’t sleep . It can distract and drown the thoughts.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2018 10:01:49 GMT -5
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 3, 2018 10:40:56 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure my lawyer said until retirement. For me that's 10 or 11 years. But I hope to come up with a deal ahead of time, if I can "buy out" some or all of the potential alimony by giving her more than half of our assets. Probably better suited for a different thread, but... if you totaled up the expected alimony over X years, how does that compare to your half of the assets? For me, it wipes it out.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2018 10:55:13 GMT -5
Probably better suited for a different thread, but... if you totaled up the expected alimony over X years, how does that compare to your half of the assets? For me, it wipes it out. If my back of the envelope calculation is accurate, and the alimony is based on after tax numbers since they won't be tax deductible if I divorce after January 1, I would end up with about a quarter or a third and she would get two thirds to three quarters. But there might be stuff I'm not aware of. And I could also try to negotiate assets for reduced alimony, like 10-15%.
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 3, 2018 12:51:29 GMT -5
If my back of the envelope calculation is accurate, and the alimony is based on after tax numbers since they won't be tax deductible if I divorce after January 1, I would end up with about a quarter or a third and she would get two thirds to three quarters. I have to think that awarded amounts will be tax-adjusted eventually, though some people will probably make out during the transition. Especially those whose spouses don’t hire a lawyer. I don’t imagine you’ve saved 4x what you expected to need for retirement, so how do you see that panning out?
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 3, 2018 12:55:01 GMT -5
Married eighteen years. If you are moving that way, move quickly. In my old state, in which my divorce slowly, painfully, and expensively plods along, at twenty years alimony becomes permanent. They leave a relief valve of "until she remarries or cohabitates," but we know that is just window dressing. If she did not want a full marriage when we were married she is not going to put her monthly paycheck at risk by having another one. My marriage was 24 years along when we separated. Thirty percent of my paycheck for the rest of my life to end this fraud? That is the price of my freedom? Where do I sign. Really?! For life?!? What if she makes more than you? Or an adequate sum to care for herself. Seems arbitrary. Good for you to have that persepctive. I paid her way through her Masters, room, board, travel, tuition, and books, all on my dime. She never worked, though. She was the homeschool mom, even as other homeschool moms returned to the workforce to help pay for their kids college. Because I allowed her to be wholly dependent on me, I get to pay the stupid tax for perpetuity.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2018 13:01:42 GMT -5
I have to think that awarded amounts will be tax-adjusted eventually, though some people will probably make out during the transition. Especially those whose spouses don’t hire a lawyer. I don’t imagine you’ve saved 4x what you expected to need for retirement, so how do you see that panning out? I'm not counting 401k and annuities in my assets, which we would split 50/50. So while they aren't as much as I would hope, the annuity will pay until I die, plus social security, so there should be a small regular income besides eating through savings. Need to pray for a good stock market over the next decade....
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Post by saarinista on Jul 3, 2018 17:44:00 GMT -5
18 years? You're almost half-way to 40 years. Think you can hold out? 18 years married, 15 sexless. I might as well just become a nun at this point! Hey, if nuns get decent health insurance, maybe we should BOTH get us to a nunnery!
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Post by saarinista on Jul 3, 2018 17:49:13 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure my lawyer said until retirement. For me that's 10 or 11 years. But I hope to come up with a deal ahead of time, if I can "buy out" some or all of the potential alimony by giving her more than half of our assets. At least that's my current thinking. Also, alimony is usually 1/3 of the difference in incomes, so if she gets a job it would allow me to reduce my payments accordingly. Remember to take notes when you visit the lawyer. I'm nagging you about that since your wife won't!
Also, remember that hope is not a strategy. Just a reminder. :-)
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Post by flounder on Jul 3, 2018 21:46:44 GMT -5
sufferinhubbySorry to hear about your pain. That really sucks and we all understand in one way or another. I hope next time you can skip the alcohol and just head straight to the weights. I've worked out many a frustration in the gym. Be careful not to injure yourself but let it all out. You know, you can always come to this forum any time. I'm sure there are some night owls ready to have your back. Good luck. And you have every right to be pissed off and upset. I enjoy the driving range at the local golf course. My game is horrible,but I’ve learned to absolutely crush my tee shot.
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Post by workingonit on Jul 3, 2018 22:56:38 GMT -5
18 years married, 15 sexless. I might as well just become a nun at this point! Hey, if nuns get decent health insurance, maybe we should BOTH get us to a nunnery! Though I am Jewish I think I qualify after 9 years of celibacy. Sign me up! (But not really)
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Post by wom360 on Jul 4, 2018 0:26:39 GMT -5
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kittymox
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by kittymox on Jul 18, 2018 21:01:23 GMT -5
And a partner who knows what a BJ is - and enjoys giving them, as a portion of the whole good life. Every time I offer one -- and I am, by the way, excellent at it -- and he says "no thank you," I think of the men in this forum and I want to scream, "Do you know what some men out there would give to be gifted my skills??!!!" Such a waste :/
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Post by beachguy on Jul 18, 2018 21:57:15 GMT -5
Every time I offer one -- and I am, by the way, excellent at it -- and he says "no thank you," I think of the men in this forum and I want to scream, "Do you know what some men out there would give to be gifted my skills??!!!" Such a waste :/ That’s just defective
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kittymox
Junior Member
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Posts: 32
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by kittymox on Jul 18, 2018 22:48:24 GMT -5
I believe there is bad wiring due to trauma/chronic PTSD. Quite literally a vast network of defects. ....I really miss the BJs :/
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