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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2018 19:28:26 GMT -5
Well, at this point I've lost 2 kg; it was basically about a week of eating very little during the day, combined with a lot of sweating. I know if I pressed the issue, she wouldn't refuse However, simply "not refusing" doesn't really make for the most thrilling sex partner. So, it's difficult to know if I want to or not. I once mentioned to her that I didn't want her to just acquiesce, I wanted her to actually *want* to have sex. Her response was, "Oh". Not like an epiphany, but of a full realization. Last night, I took a shower just before going to bed; when I got there, she was asleep, with her cell phone next to her emitting muted moaning sounds as it streamed a pornographic video. I took the phone and quietly shut it off (um...after sending myself the link). I know through this thread I mentioned that in the examples you mentioned, my wife was worse. Not anymore. The idea of being sexless while the spouse is still interested in sex is unbearable.
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 5, 2018 19:41:53 GMT -5
tirefire, the difference I see in your examples... in one scenario, you’re both working toward something you both want to do. In the other, she’s bartering with something she doesn’t want to do. “Being willing to” vs “wanting to”... it’s not a subtle difference.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 5, 2018 20:03:27 GMT -5
Well, at this point I've lost 2 kg; it was basically about a week of eating very little during the day, combined with a lot of sweating. I know if I pressed the issue, she wouldn't refuse However, simply "not refusing" doesn't really make for the most thrilling sex partner. So, it's difficult to know if I want to or not. I once mentioned to her that I didn't want her to just acquiesce, I wanted her to actually *want* to have sex. Her response was, "Oh". Not like an epiphany, but of a full realization. Last night, I took a shower just before going to bed; when I got there, she was asleep, with her cell phone next to her emitting muted moaning sounds as it streamed a pornographic video. I took the phone and quietly shut it off (um...after sending myself the link). I know through this thread I mentioned that in the examples you mentioned, my wife was worse. Not anymore. The idea of being sexless while the spouse is still interested in sex is unbearable. I did come home from work early one day and the bedroom door was uncharacteristically locked. When she finally opened the door, I noticed that the drawer where she kept the "toys" was open and one was out. When she left the room, I put it away and shut the drawer without a word. Later, I apologized if I'd interrupted or embarassed her. She just pretended not to know what I was talking about. I look back now and marvel that I actually apologized. I started drinking early that night if I remember right. What a sad excuse for a man I was. Not sure she was into porn but her Kindle account had several hundred romance novels on it. So I guess she was into porn. Just not into me. I think I was 2 years into the final 3 years of celibacy at that point. Well, I guess she still has her hardware and, uh, literature...
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Post by obobfla on Jul 6, 2018 9:36:19 GMT -5
For a minute, I thought I was guilty of this too. You see, I am quite routine in my fashion choices. I almost always wear blue shirts. I might go with an occasional black, silver, or dark green, but mostly blue - no bright colors whatsoever! The last time I wore red, someone patted my ample belly and asked me when’s it due. Blue looks good on me, so I wear it. My current squeeze teases me about this. Says I should wear a pink shirt. I hate the color pink. That’s not my fragile male ego who’s afraid of being effeminate talking. I think anything that is predominately pink is ugly. She tries to make bets with me so I would be forced to wear a pink shirt. So, I gave her one condition. I would wear a pink shirt if she would give a blowjob. Now, this is in good fun. Oral sex is not her favorite activity, but she will do it occasionally. However, it may evolve into a control issue. If that happens, I am out. It’s not weight loss, either. There is a fine line between playful bets and asking your partner to lose substantial weight. While losing weight is good for your health, losing 5 kg in less than a month is too fast. In your case, nyctos, it is control. Your wife is extremely shallow and uses sex as a control mechanism. Take that for what it’s worth. I’m getting ready to see my squeeze soon, and I’ll wear a blue shirt. I may not get a blowjob, but I’ll look good.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2018 9:38:38 GMT -5
For a minute, I thought I was guilty of this too. You see, I am quite routine in my fashion choices. I almost always wear blue shirts. I might go with an occasional black, silver, or dark green, but mostly blue - no bright colors whatsoever! The last time I wore red, someone patted my ample belly and asked me when’s it due. Blue looks good on me, so I wear it. My current squeeze teases me about this. Says I should wear a pink shirt. I hate the color pink. That’s not my fragile male ego who’s afraid of being effeminate talking. I think anything that is predominately pink is ugly. She tries to make bets with me so I would be forced to wear a pink shirt. So, I gave her one condition. I would wear a pink shirt if she would give a blowjob. Now, this is in good fun. Oral sex is not her favorite activity, but she will do it occasionally. However, it may evolve into a control issue. If that happens, I am out. It’s not weight loss, either. There is a fine line between playful bets and asking your partner to lose substantial weight. While losing weight is good for your health, losing 5 kg in less than a month is too fast. In your case, nyctos , it is control. Your wife is extremely shallow and uses sex as a control mechanism. Take that for what it’s worth. I’m getting ready to see my squeeze soon, and I’ll wear a blue shirt. I may not get a blowjob, but I’ll look good. The best of both worlds might be a blue job.
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Post by idgaf96 on Jul 6, 2018 12:32:52 GMT -5
When I read this and read through some of the comments it makes me sad. Recently my 11 year old got a puppy. I have been freshening up my knowledge of dog training since its been a long time since I had a puppy and wanted to make sure I was going about it right. rewards for good behavior and genital scolds for bad. Your situation seams more like she is treating you like a pet rather than loving you like a husband. If your wife loved and wanted you there would be no stipulations for sex. Don't do any of this for her do it for you. Fuck her she sounds like a real bitch..
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Post by nyctos on Jul 9, 2018 8:00:11 GMT -5
nyctos the porn fucking sucks. I am not opposes to people watching porn but I cannot believe how insulting it feels to know that he watches porn. Your wife, watching while you were in the shower. She could have joined you and created her own! You could watch porn together to get her juices flowing. The possibilities are endless!! I know I am not telling you anything new nor anything that has not been voices here so many times before. But just feeling for you. And for all of us. Thanks workingonit, it does hurt. For a while I thought her libido had just dramatically decreased and was trying to figure out how to be okay with that. I don't mind her watching porn, but when I'm available and she knows I'm willing it feels like even more of a rejection than if she'd just refused.
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Post by nyctos on Jul 9, 2018 8:08:30 GMT -5
For a minute, I thought I was guilty of this too. You see, I am quite routine in my fashion choices. I almost always wear blue shirts. I might go with an occasional black, silver, or dark green, but mostly blue - no bright colors whatsoever! The last time I wore red, someone patted my ample belly and asked me when’s it due. Blue looks good on me, so I wear it. My current squeeze teases me about this. Says I should wear a pink shirt. I hate the color pink. That’s not my fragile male ego who’s afraid of being effeminate talking. I think anything that is predominately pink is ugly. She tries to make bets with me so I would be forced to wear a pink shirt. So, I gave her one condition. I would wear a pink shirt if she would give a blowjob. Now, this is in good fun. Oral sex is not her favorite activity, but she will do it occasionally. However, it may evolve into a control issue. If that happens, I am out. It’s not weight loss, either. There is a fine line between playful bets and asking your partner to lose substantial weight. While losing weight is good for your health, losing 5 kg in less than a month is too fast. In your case, nyctos, it is control. Your wife is extremely shallow and uses sex as a control mechanism. Take that for what it’s worth. I’m getting ready to see my squeeze soon, and I’ll wear a blue shirt. I may not get a blowjob, but I’ll look good. If her requests were ever simple ones that could be met in a day, I'd be fine with this sort of playfulness. I was a little surprised she mentioned only 2kg (btw, that's about 4.5 lbs), because it's not *that* difficult. But she paired it with "better job", which to her means making at least 20k more.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 9, 2018 8:21:28 GMT -5
I don't mind her watching porn, but when I'm available and she knows I'm willing it feels like even more of a rejection than if she'd just refused. You should mind the porn, especially when you are more than willing to meet her desires. Porn has/and will fill her mind with nothing but images of 25 yr old males who spend 6 days a week working out, ( the fantasy 2% of men) even when she is with you , that is where her mind is. Who wants that? She doesn't love you, she loves having you (and your wallet) around.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 10, 2018 6:10:29 GMT -5
“If her requests were ever simple ones that could be met in a day, I'd be fine with this sort of playfulness.
I was a little surprised she mentioned only 2kg (btw, that's about 4.5 lbs), because it's not *that* difficult. But she paired it with "better job", which to her means making at least 20k more.”
Trade her in for someone who loves you as you are.
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Post by nyctos on Jul 10, 2018 6:48:48 GMT -5
I don't mind her watching porn, but when I'm available and she knows I'm willing it feels like even more of a rejection than if she'd just refused. You should mind the porn, especially when you are more than willing to meet her desires. Porn has/and will fill her mind with nothing but images of 25 yr old males who spend 6 days a week working out, ( the fantasy 2% of men) even when she is with you , that is where her mind is. Who wants that? She doesn't love you, she loves having you (and your wallet) around. I don't know -- I watch porn regularly but still desire my wife. Last night I put my hand on her thigh while sitting next to her on the couch watching tv. We were both fully clothed and our middle son was there -- I didn't mean anything suggestive by it. She took the opportunity to say, "after you get money" (by which, she means more money) anyway. I've lost about 4 kg (8.8 lbs) at this point; it's a good thing I'm not expecting anything.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 10, 2018 6:53:48 GMT -5
“last night I put my hand on her thigh while sitting next to her on the couch watching tv. We were both fully clothed and our middle son was there -- I didn't mean anything suggestive by it. She took the opportunity to say, "after you get money" (by which, she means more money) anyway. I've lost about 4 kg (8.8 lbs) at this point; it's a good thing I'm not expecting anything.”
Why can’t you see your wife treats you like you are a John, not like you are her husband? There really are women who’d love you as you are and also would make love to you out of love and lust, not greed.
And there would have been nothing wrong with your putting your hand by her thigh as an invitation to have sex later.normal loving couples do things like that.
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okiedude
Junior Member
Learning to live with my Situation.
Posts: 87
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by okiedude on Jul 10, 2018 7:39:04 GMT -5
You should mind the porn, especially when you are more than willing to meet her desires. Porn has/and will fill her mind with nothing but images of 25 yr old males who spend 6 days a week working out, ( the fantasy 2% of men) even when she is with you , that is where her mind is. Who wants that? She doesn't love you, she loves having you (and your wallet) around. I don't know -- I watch porn regularly but still desire my wife. Last night I put my hand on her thigh while sitting next to her on the couch watching tv. We were both fully clothed and our middle son was there -- I didn't mean anything suggestive by it. She took the opportunity to say, "after you get money" (by which, she means more money) anyway. I've lost about 4 kg (8.8 lbs) at this point; it's a good thing I'm not expecting anything. I am amazed... The Sad issue is, it is not about sex in our minds, it is about intimacy, it is about connection. You want to know you are desired, you want to feel needed. I don't know what I would do if my wife did this. I think I would cut off the phone and the tv and say now you have more money.... This is very abusive and unkind. Is she this mean to the kids? i think that the responses are angry towards your wife because this scenario is frightening. That is why you are getting such retaliatory advice. My first knee jerk response was not kind but just as punishing as some of the above responses. My advice is to take care of yourself. DO NOT LOSE WEIGHT FOR HER. I am a little heavy as many middle aged men are. I am an emotional eater. If you base your goals and health on outside factors when you have setbacks or failures you will revert back to gain. You will not go to work if they don't pay you. Pay yourself with weight loss. Find a life outside of your marriage that helps you, join a club or group that does something you enjoy. Better yet spend more time with your kids and let them know they are loved and adored.... They might need that.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 10, 2018 8:17:23 GMT -5
That literally makes me feel sick to my stomach that she said “after you get money” when you put your hand on her thigh.
She is a greedy selfish person who does not love you the way you should (and could) be loved.
NSM is right: you deserve someone who will love you exactly how you are. I hate that your wife treats you like she’s in charge and you are some second class citizen just there to make her happy.
Fuck her.
(And I don’t say that lightly.)
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 10, 2018 8:25:47 GMT -5
Can you see how blatantly this is a control issue? She uses sex as a reward after getting what she wants. You are enabling such actions. This will continue in so many other aspects of your marriage. You also missed the more important part. She doesn't love you she loves having you ( your wallet) around. Side note: Is your W.saying these things right in ear shot of your son? (Congrats on the 8.8 lbs- now take that strength to be true to yourself and apply it to level the playing field with your family) shrink4men.com/2012/04/02/radio-program-the-problem-with-pedestals-and-men-who-place-women-upon-them/
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