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Post by flashjohn on Jun 28, 2018 10:44:49 GMT -5
W said last night that she wants sex, if I lose weight (I'm not hugely overweight, but it's something she wants me to work on). Oh, and get a new job that pays more. She says she'll do it once for each 2 kg lost. The thing is, we once did this before. Except it was 5 kg for the first time, and then supposed to be 2 kg for each time after that. I don't think she really expected me to lose the 5 kg as quickly as I did, and so once I lost it she decided I would need to lose another 5 kg before she'd do it again. This was pretty upsetting; it seemed like a clear indication that she'd want to avoid ever having sex with me. I was so upset at the time I abandoned trying to lose weight. So what am I to make of this new offer? I'm not really sure. On one hand, I'd like not living in a sexless marriage for even a little while -- on the other hand, it puts myself back in a situation that hurt a lot last time. Hm, so your wife wants to be a prostitute. Well if she wants to fuck professionally, she better be REALLY good at it.
I say offer an alternative. Say that she fucks you twice a day for a year, then SHE gets a job that makes more money, and then you will consider losing weight and getting another job.
Seriously, she is a bitch. There is no reason you should put up with this.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2018 8:28:45 GMT -5
What kills me about this thread is that my wife is so much WORSE.
She's pretty much told me, back when I cared, that for her to ever have sex with me again I would need a personality transplant. All the things about me that bother her would have to disappear.
As I've mentioned before, she threatened divorce if I DON'T go to therapy to figure out why I'm so fucked up and to fix myself. And I was gaslighted into believing it.
Therapy helped me realize that there was nothing much wrong with me - obviously I have some issues but not the ones I thought I had. And it helped me realize that I have no future in my marriage.
Outsourcing helped me realize that I am not the disgusting, unfuckable dirtbag I had been conditioned to think of myself as. (This morning my British AP called me, a middle aged guy with a paunch, an "international sex muffin." That does more for my self esteem than years of therapy possibly could.) I no longer have to beg or sweat or agonize over lack of sex and intimacy, even if I don't know the next time I'll touch a woman.
The marriage is over; I just need to wait a bit longer to call time of death. (Meanwhile, knowing that I have no interest in anything romantic or sexual with my wife any more, things at home are almost pleasant.)
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Post by saarinista on Jun 30, 2018 3:00:03 GMT -5
Apparently your wife took different marriage vows than most people whatever happened to for better for worse in sickness and in health.
Let me be frank she is a b****. And a prostitute.
I would advise telling her something like this:
Dear "Wife",
To me, sex is a way of showing love and caring in addition to experiencing physical pleasure. Apparently we do not share that view, as you are offering me sex only for the quid pro quo of sexual activity for weight loss.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness. However, you can relax. I've decided that I will visit a professional sex worker and pay money to get exactly what I want, no strings or belittlement attached.
I wish you every happiness in your upcoming sex free life.
Sincerely yours,
your signature.
see a lawyer and draw up the papers my friend. get out. She's an abusive jerk. No decent, caring spouse withholds sex the way she is doing, nor do they suggest having it again if you meet their weight standards.
Personally I don't know many women who care much about spousal weight except in terms of health. I certainly don't. Our society put so much emphasis on appearance and money and look where it's gotten us. Sure I'm like a guy who's nice and clean and has a good relationship with his iron and a can of starch but beyond that it's all about shared experiences and being gracious and generous to your partner.
Tell your current wife you to take a hike. I can almost guarantee you'll find someone much nicer and probably better looking than she is in short order.
Go for it!
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Post by saarinista on Jun 30, 2018 3:24:54 GMT -5
What kills me about this thread is that my wife is so much WORSE. She's pretty much told me, back when I cared, that for her to ever have sex with me again I would need a personality transplant. All the things about me that bother her would have to disappear. As I've mentioned before, she threatened divorce if I DON'T go to therapy to figure out why I'm so fucked up and to fix myself. And I was gaslighted into believing it. Therapy helped me realize that there was nothing much wrong with me - obviously I have some issues but not the ones I thought I had. And it helped me realize that I have no future in my marriage. Outsourcing helped me realize that I am not the disgusting, unfuckable dirtbag I had been conditioned to think of myself as. (This morning my British AP called me, a middle aged guy with a paunch, an "international sex muffin." That does more for my self esteem than years of therapy possibly could.) I no longer have to beg or sweat or agonize over lack of sex and intimacy, even if I don't know the next time I'll touch a woman. The marriage is over; I just need to wait a bit longer to call time of death. (Meanwhile, knowing that I have no interest in anything romantic or sexual with my wife any more, things at home are almost pleasant.) @shynjdude your wife is worse? get out. Who cares if you're a little overweight (most of us are) or even a lot overweight? I mean you don't want to be like morbidly obese for your health, but I seriously doubt that you are. Just get out. As an aside what's in an international sex muffin? And is it kosher? LOL get out now! that's spousal abuse. Women! I swear....
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Post by nyctos on Jun 30, 2018 8:08:42 GMT -5
Let me be frank she is a b****. And a prostitute. I would advise telling her something like this: Dear "Wife", Thank you for your thoughtfulness. However, you can relax. I've decided that I will visit a professional sex worker and pay money to get exactly what I want, no strings or belittlement attached. I Personally I don't know many women who care much about spousal weight except in terms of health. She would be more upset about me spending money on a sex worker than visiting one. The kids is probably the biggest reason I stay. Without them this relationship would have been over long ago.
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Post by baza on Jun 30, 2018 8:21:59 GMT -5
Given that - "The kids (are) probably the biggest reason I stay" - then it is timely to ask whether the example your missus and you are modelling for them is now (or in the future) going to be doing them any favours, longer term.
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Post by saarinista on Jun 30, 2018 15:05:58 GMT -5
She would be more upset about me spending money on a sex worker than visiting one. The kids is probably the biggest reason I stay. Without them this relationship would have been over long ago. All the more reason for you to get away from this mean woman.
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Post by elynne on Jul 1, 2018 5:39:30 GMT -5
That’s bullshit!! I would be done with her sexually but if you want to have some fun with her own idea then two can play at that game. Do you contribute to the household? Chores? Financially? Doing the dishes - blow job Mowing the yard - doggy style Vacuuming- your choice Cleaning the entire house - all of the above I would stop my direct deposit and open my own account and if she doesn’t want to act like she’s married then she doesn’t get the benefits of marriage. Would love to see that chore chart. Ha. And I suspect a spotless and well maintained house!
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Post by elynne on Jul 1, 2018 6:08:05 GMT -5
I couldn’t imagine wanting to have sex with such a manipulative bitch, but that said who decided that she gets to determine the reward structure?
Tell her you thought about her offer. You’ll decline on those terms, but you’ll make her a counter offer. She has sex with you first. After she completes her task to your satisfaction, in order to reward her you will lose 2 pounds. This can continue until you reach your goal weight. At that point she needs to have sex with you once a week and you will reward her by maintaining the weight loss.
If she turns down your counter offer you can tell her that she has less empathy and emotional sensitivity then a $10 whore and she has proposed the transactional nature of sex in your marriage. You’re generously willing to pay her $10 per sex act. She should take a look at her weekly budget and consider cost of groceries, gas, health and beauty products, memberships, subscriptions, shopping etc. and then decide how much she needs to put out.
But seriously, man. There are plenty of women who ENJOY sex. Who want nothing more than to put their lips around a hard cock, cradle his balls in their hand as they take him deep into their throat. Women who get off on their partner’s desire for them, who ache to feel a cock slide inside of them...
Your wife doesn’t like sex. That sucks. But hey, we’re all different and that is what it is. My problem with her is that she is a cold-hearted bitch.
If I wanted my husband to lose weight do you know what I would do? I’d suggest getting healthy together. I’d suggest that I cook healthier, buy fewer snacks. Ask for his input on what I could do to help. I’d suggest evening walks together as a family, make sure he had the time to go biking...
Same goes for a new job. Hey honey, are you happy at work? If yes, awesome. Are there things you would like to change? What are they? Shall we brainstorm about what you can do to change them?
Personally I think the best way to ask for a raise is to ask! I’d like to make $x. What do I need to do to be worth that to you? With your input, I’d like to make a plan to get there. We can look at trainings, additional responsibilities, problems I can solve for you, or bringing in x amount of new business.
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Post by tirefire on Jul 1, 2018 22:41:16 GMT -5
@shynjdude, "What kills me about this thread is that my wife is so much WORSE." I think you can call time of death now. You probably have a few reasons for waiting. I'd be so insulted if anyone did what you describe. That is just vile.
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Post by snowman12345 on Jul 2, 2018 5:52:52 GMT -5
Lose 10 kg. and announce it to her. If she broaches the sex subject, tell her no thanks I lost the weight for myself. You might say something like - If you want to have sex because you love me and want to keep me happy that would be awesome. At least I know you are trying. But if you use sex for any other reason; that ain't love.
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Post by nyctos on Jul 5, 2018 14:20:13 GMT -5
Well, at this point I've lost 2 kg; it was basically about a week of eating very little during the day, combined with a lot of sweating.
I know if I pressed the issue, she wouldn't refuse However, simply "not refusing" doesn't really make for the most thrilling sex partner. So, it's difficult to know if I want to or not.
I once mentioned to her that I didn't want her to just acquiesce, I wanted her to actually *want* to have sex. Her response was, "Oh". Not like an epiphany, but of a full realization.
Last night, I took a shower just before going to bed; when I got there, she was asleep, with her cell phone next to her emitting muted moaning sounds as it streamed a pornographic video. I took the phone and quietly shut it off (um...after sending myself the link).
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Post by workingonit on Jul 5, 2018 14:37:07 GMT -5
nyctos the porn fucking sucks. I am not opposes to people watching porn but I cannot believe how insulting it feels to know that he watches porn. Your wife, watching while you were in the shower. She could have joined you and created her own! You could watch porn together to get her juices flowing. The possibilities are endless!! I know I am not telling you anything new nor anything that has not been voices here so many times before. But just feeling for you. And for all of us.
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Post by tirefire on Jul 5, 2018 19:04:02 GMT -5
Sorry for another reply to this so long after everyone else. I'm a little slow to process. 😁 I realized that what's bugging me about this situation is bigger than sex for weight loss and the prostitution angle. I don't think I want to be making deals with my sweetie for anything. Yes to "Ok we both want to get snuggling faster, I'll take out the garbage and you throw the dirty dishes in the sink?" No to "If you started driving me to work everyday, I'd start cooking for you." Maybe I'm too romantic but I want to do things for sweetie because I'm crazy about her, not because we struck a deal. Maybe I'm not being very practical or pragmatic. I guess deals like this get struck all the time? Better than covert contracts I guess. Sorry, just thinking out loud.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 5, 2018 19:22:42 GMT -5
Well, at this point I've lost 2 kg; it was basically about a week of eating very little during the day, combined with a lot of sweating. I know if I pressed the issue, she wouldn't refuse However, simply "not refusing" doesn't really make for the most thrilling sex partner. So, it's difficult to know if I want to or not. I once mentioned to her that I didn't want her to just acquiesce, I wanted her to actually *want* to have sex. Her response was, "Oh". Not like an epiphany, but of a full realization. Last night, I took a shower just before going to bed; when I got there, she was asleep, with her cell phone next to her emitting muted moaning sounds as it streamed a pornographic video. I took the phone and quietly shut it off (um...after sending myself the link). What. The. Fuck?
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