okiedude
Junior Member
Learning to live with my Situation.
Posts: 87
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by okiedude on Jul 11, 2018 19:30:00 GMT -5
“Yes, it is laughable. Among us. But among all the readers here, surely someone has a partner that does this frequently. ” Probably lots have partners like that. Not countering with the truth adds to the refused’s problems. Not making it crystal clear that the refused view desiring sex as healthy and a normal expected part of marriage adds to the problems by allowing the marriage to continue while the refuser thinks you agree with them. If telling the truth results in a huge blowup that ends the relationship you’ve avoided years of remaining in a hopelessly incompatible marriage. I would not say frequently but. I have say something along this line and get "none of my friends do it that often." And then acts like she has it more than they do.... I am sure this is just a way to deflect....
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Post by baza on Jul 11, 2018 20:01:21 GMT -5
Well it certainly is a method of putting up a facade for her peer group. In many marriages seen in this group, the facade presented to the world is all important. Never mind what the truth actually is, as long as it 'looks' ok, then it IS ok.
Thing is, that if you go along with the facade to the outside world, you are just as culpable.
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okiedude
Junior Member
Learning to live with my Situation.
Posts: 87
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by okiedude on Jul 11, 2018 20:39:47 GMT -5
Well it certainly is a method of putting up a facade for her peer group. In many marriages seen in this group, the facade presented to the world is all important. Never mind what the truth actually is, as long as it 'looks' ok, then it IS ok. Thing is, that if you go along with the facade to the outside world, you are just as culpable. I totally agree... However, I am just to the point of starting this terrible ride of realization. Trying to figure out the direction to take...
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 12, 2018 7:41:12 GMT -5
“would not say frequently but. I have say something along this line and get "none of my friends do it that often." And then acts like she has it more than they do.... I am sure this is just a way to deflect....”
She is not married to her friends so their sex lives aren’t relevant. Your desires are relevant since she is married to you.
Still, you need to realize that you can’t explain, love or manipulate someone into loving you the way you want. If your wife were sexually attracted to you, she’d fuck you. You two may be compatible as roommates or coparents but aren't as spouses in the kind of marriage you want. It’s up to you about whether to settle for a sm with perhaps occasional pity fucks from her or whether to set yourself free to find a woman who is sexually compatible. If what you want is a marriage with a compatible sex partner, you will up your odds by divorcing your refuser.
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