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Post by northstarmom on Jun 25, 2018 9:46:52 GMT -5
“Goes back to "put one arm around him, while your other hand is guarding your wallet". Or "trust yet verify". Here comes the verification.”
I bet his brother and others are telling him to see a lawyer and protect his financial interests. They are probably scaring him with misinform about men who were taken to the cleaners when divorcing. I hope lonelywifey will see and engage a lawyer and take the steps toward divorce. Doing this will help ensure her getting a fair settlement.
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Post by WindSister on Jun 25, 2018 12:58:28 GMT -5
It is impressive how quickly he went from tears to being able to make arrangements to leave. We’ve seen refused here who had long planned divorced who weren’t able to exit or even function well that quickly after the talk. I agree. My first thought was, "wow! He moved on quick!" Always look out for yourself, no one else is. No need to own other's issues...not in marriage, not in divorce. No enabling allowed. LW... I'm sending good thoughts that things continue to go well as you guys work through this process. Hope looms!!
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 25, 2018 21:07:05 GMT -5
Today was a rough day. H moved out. Well, technically he left for a work trip for the next week but when he’s back, he won’t be back here to stay ever again. It was strange and surreal saying goodbye this morning. And hard, seeing him play with our son for the last time as the three of us living together. He is a very loving father. And we’ve made it known we both do love each other. But despite that, and the sadness of the situation, neither of us is second-guessing this decision. We know it’s over. He said to me yesterday that he doesn’t think he’s meant to be with anyone/be married. He’s going to focus on being a good dad and a successful businessman. That’s what makes him happy. More power to him. Success, money, material things; they mean nothing to me. We are very different people. I’m grateful that it’s all out in the open and we can go our separate ways living the lives that we want to live. Hopefully it will continue to be amicable and we’ll be good co-parents. Everything feels good and clear now after talking with tirefire and my sister, but earlier today I was in a rough spot. I suspect the ups and downs will continue off and on for a long time. The importance of having a support system in place is already making itself known. And on the financial front: At his suggestion, I will be opening up a new savings account in my name and when that large chunk of money comes through next week he will be transferring half immediately into my new account. He said he does not want me to have any doubts that I and our son will have everything we need.
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Post by flounder on Jun 25, 2018 21:39:18 GMT -5
What are you going to do with yourself dear ? He has business. What do you have to keep your self moving forward?
I hope this will continue to go as smoothly as possible. It could get ugly before it is over,so don’t let your guard down. Please keep us posted.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 25, 2018 21:51:20 GMT -5
What are you going to do with yourself dear ? He has business. What do you have to keep your self moving forward? I hope this will continue to go as smoothly as possible. It could get ugly before it is over,so don’t let your guard down. Please keep us posted. Well, first and foremost I am a full time mom to a child with a disability. That keeps me pretty busy. But I do want to look into more/different volunteer opportunities to get more involved in the community. And I might consider going back to work. But in all honestly, i know I won’t HAVE to work for a little while yet so I may wait a year and half until my son is in school full time. That should give me some time to attempt to figure out what I want to do “when I grow up”. Additionally, I want to continue working on myself: self-esteem/love/reliance, getting healthier physically and spiritually, and spending time doing the things I love to do (like hiking). I’m going to take some time to rediscover my SELF again.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 25, 2018 21:59:03 GMT -5
Oh and sex. Lots of sex 😁
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 25, 2018 22:00:59 GMT -5
You have an excellent plan - volunteering could help you figure out what you want to do, as well. That’s a very good agenda!
Last night, I got struck with some melancholy. Just sort of came out of the blue. Not over the SM, but a recent dating experience. Those moods will surely hit you sometimes. But it’s great news that you have a solid support system. DO lean on those people when needed. Maybe even a little before you think it’s needed.
I’m glad to hear he’s really going all-out to make sure you feel secure about the finances. If you haven’t checked with a lawyer on how spousal support works during separation, I’d try to get some expert input on that aspect. Just to be sure you know what’s “normal” for any amount of time before filing for divorce. Because that interim period is undefined right now.
Keep trodding forward. You’re doing good!
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Post by workingonit on Jun 25, 2018 22:03:50 GMT -5
Oh and sex. Lots of sex 😁 Yes! You go, girl! And more sex for choosinghappy = more awesome stories for us!
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Post by h on Jun 25, 2018 22:09:35 GMT -5
Congratulations on moving forward. You deserve to be happy and it's great to see that you are moving towards your happiness. I'm very happy for you. It's nice to see a good outcome once in a while. I sincerely hope that things continue to go smoothly for you through this difficult time, but even if there are bumps along the way, you can be comforted by the knowledge that it's only temporary. Eventually the tough days will be fewer and farther apart as you move on with the life you want.
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Post by flounder on Jun 25, 2018 22:10:50 GMT -5
Oh and sex. Lots of sex 😁 Atta girl.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2018 23:03:25 GMT -5
Oh and sex. Lots of sex 😁 Yes! You go, girl! And more sex for choosinghappy = more awesome stories for us! Most of us
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 25, 2018 23:36:01 GMT -5
He is a very loving father. And we’ve made it known we both do love each other. But despite that, and the sadness of the situation, neither of us is second-guessing this decision. We know it’s over. He said to me yesterday that he doesn’t think he’s meant to be with anyone/be married. He’s going to focus on being a good dad and a successful businessman. That’s what makes him happy. More power to him. And on the financial front: At his suggestion, I will be opening up a new savings account in my name and when that large chunk of money comes through next week he will be transferring half immediately into my new account. He said he does not want me to have any doubts that I and our son will have everything we need. Your STBX H is sounding pretty well grounded. I'm glad for him, and that's a very good thing for you. I wonder how long he's been hiding this reality? It's kind of sad isn't it? (Reminds me of my ex. priorities? Work, Family, Food, Computer, Books. Marriage? Oh yea, that, well he does what I ask him too, so we get along!) A good turning point! Here's to new beginnings!! That part of the finances sounds like it's going smoothly. It's refreshing to hear adults acting like adults! Have a pleasant night! It's a full moon tonight here at the beach in Fl. The sea turtles are at their peak ,of laying eggs on the beach this time of year!
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Post by baza on Jun 26, 2018 20:24:21 GMT -5
Just got back from a "technology free" long weekend Sister choosinghappy - and catching up with things. Congratulations appear to be in order. You've moved from a position of anxiety about "will I, won't I" (a shit of a position) into a fresh set of problems relevant to living your life as a single person - much "better" problems to have. Manageable problems. You've done well.
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Post by flashjohn on Jun 27, 2018 11:26:11 GMT -5
I talked to H about my concerns with having no leverage when it comes to any financial matters and asked him (in a tactful way) what reassurances do I have when it comes to these issues if we don’t involve any lawyers right now? He said” well...you KNOW me”. But he understood my point and he said that if it would make me feel better, I could write something up regarding our current financial position (as a way to show that he’s not moving money around between the date that we discussed this and whenever we involve a lawyer), and he would be happy to sign it. So I need help in what I should write. What would make sense to include without being too jargon-y but could potentially cover my butt? Also, I assume this wouldn’t be anything that would be admissible in court or anything but more just for peace of mind? (Even if we got it notarized which he said we could do if it wanted to?) I don’t know how to proceed with this. shamwow ? flashjohn ? Anyone else? Any thoughts? Edited to add: Also, we have a large amount of money coming to us that will hit our account a week from now. I would need to somehow account for that in this too. Unfortunately, you don't have any leverage. If he was really trustworthy, he would WANT you to get a lawyer to protect your rights. And you DO know him. You know that he is the type of person who will refuse to fulfill his wife even though he promised to do it for life. Get a lawyer to write a document for you.
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Post by snowman12345 on Jun 27, 2018 19:56:57 GMT -5
I talked to H about my concerns with having no leverage when it comes to any financial matters and asked him (in a tactful way) what reassurances do I have when it comes to these issues if we don’t involve any lawyers right now? He said” well...you KNOW me”. But he understood my point and he said that if it would make me feel better, I could write something up regarding our current financial position (as a way to show that he’s not moving money around between the date that we discussed this and whenever we involve a lawyer), and he would be happy to sign it. So I need help in what I should write. What would make sense to include without being too jargon-y but could potentially cover my butt? Also, I assume this wouldn’t be anything that would be admissible in court or anything but more just for peace of mind? (Even if we got it notarized which he said we could do if it wanted to?) I don’t know how to proceed with this. shamwow ? flashjohn ? Anyone else? Any thoughts? Edited to add: Also, we have a large amount of money coming to us that will hit our account a week from now. I would need to somehow account for that in this too. Unfortunately, you don't have any leverage. If he was really trustworthy, he would WANT you to get a lawyer to protect your rights. And you DO know him. You know that he is the type of person who will refuse to fulfill his wife even though he promised to do it for life. Get a lawyer to write a document for you. flashjohn it is good to have you back! You are one wise motherf*cker.
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