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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 3, 2018 8:09:25 GMT -5
You word that so well! it's wonderful!
I can relate to so much of that! When my ex picks up the kids ,or we meet for a kids doctors appointment, I look at her and listen to her demeanor and "I too realize, I just really don't like her a whole lot quite honestly". Especially physically.
For decades I had convinced myself, If the person I took my vow to was to get in an accident, gain lots of weight, change the clothes they wear, change how their hair looks, etc... that I would still "love" that person unconditionally, and the physical attraction would still be there.
Now....I am free. I see my ex in my driveway, I look at her through the window, or across from me at a doctors visit, and I remember all the other woman I have met recently at all my activities and I think" even the ones who I don't find attractive, are looking much better than her. And the ones who seemed distant, and cold, seem even nicer in their behavior and personality". When I see my ex, I see and hear those "words and actions" that are forgiven, but not forgotten.
Now it's off to the gym! Something I gave up during the marriage.
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Post by workingonit on Sept 3, 2018 8:41:13 GMT -5
More and more good news choosinghappy ! So so good to hear. It is strange because I am still in my SM but I can already feel some of what you are talking about. The awakening of my true self. I have gone hiking tons this summer and even almost bought some serious backpacking gear. My h hates camping and I gave it up in our marriage though I used to be an avid backpacker and even taught wilderness skills before meeting him. I love campfires and he hates them so havent done those either. This summer I got a peek at what you are now revelling in. Looks damn good, actually. Wishing you more and more awakening and lots of long hours paddling on adveturous waters!
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Post by WindSister on Sept 3, 2018 11:10:49 GMT -5
Another update about 2 weeks later as the dust is starting to settle: This was a CRAZY last 3-4 weeks. But I am now in my new place, still partially surrounded by boxes, but am settling in. My son and I love it here. It feels like ME. I am happy. I've been seeing my STBX occassionally as he's been helping out with "guy stuff" around the new house like hanging curtain rods, moving furniture, etc., and of course, he comes to see/pick up our son. It's been interesting when we're together: I realized I just don't really like him a whole lot quite honestly. Funny how my perspective changed and clarity came once I stopped lying to myself and started living a more authentic life. Now that we're separated both he and I seem to be moving into our "real selves" move fully and living the lives we each want instead of some hybrid between the two of us when we were together. I guess both of us were stifling parts of ourselves while married. As for him, he's now living the high life in an expensive place, buying new vehicles, joining a yacht club. Ugh. I honestly don't want any part of that and I just feel relief when I think about the differences in our lives now. As for me, I am content with what I have except for one thing: I bought a kayak! That was one of the things on my bucket list, as I love kayaking and have only gone ONCE in the 12 years we were together. So I decided to put an end to that. Honestly, it's sort of embarrassing to me that just because I was married and had a spouse who didn't care for that, I deprived myself of something I love. But no more. As greatcoastal would say: The FOG has lifted. I feel like I'm living life for ME again now and it feels really good. I have a looong bucket list and I plan to work my way through every item. (Hopefully quite a few of those with my new special guyย ) Things feel fun and hopeful again instead of depressing and hopeless. I feel like ME again. Happy for you. Truly. And, it's funny.... a kayak was one of my first purchases just for me. Have fun. You sure got this!!
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Post by shamwow on Sept 3, 2018 11:47:35 GMT -5
I bought an inflatible kayak. Easy to stow and chunk into the car without a rack. Had fun with it Saturday in the gulf. Gentle waves made for smooth ride through the surf ๐
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Post by solodriver on Sept 3, 2018 12:57:55 GMT -5
(((Hugs))) I enjoy reading your updates and seeing how happy you are. Gives me something to focus on and hope for my future. How are things with your special guy?
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Post by choosinghappy on Sept 3, 2018 14:09:29 GMT -5
(((Hugs))) I enjoy reading your updates and seeing how happy you are. Gives me something to focus on and hope for my future. How are things with your special guy? Good! We get to see each other again soon ๐
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Post by time4intimacy on Sept 3, 2018 14:16:03 GMT -5
Sounds like everything is going well choosinghappy.
I love you bought a kayak. I love to kayak, but my wife has never gone with me. So, I bought my own kayak about 6 months ago and lucky for me, we live on the water and I go out about 3 days a week. I love it. Enjoy your kayak and your fresh start.
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Post by workingonit on Sept 3, 2018 15:53:46 GMT -5
(((Hugs))) I enjoy reading your updates and seeing how happy you are. Gives me something to focus on and hope for my future. How are things with your special guy? When do we get to know who it is??? Curious minds are wondering... ๐
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Post by choosinghappy on Sept 3, 2018 21:01:59 GMT -5
(((Hugs))) I enjoy reading your updates and seeing how happy you are. Gives me something to focus on and hope for my future. How are things with your special guy? When do we get to know who it is??? Curious minds are wondering... ๐ Haha workingonit my sweet, handsome, sexy man is tirefire.
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Post by flounder on Sept 3, 2018 21:08:38 GMT -5
Tirefire !? Good for you both ! Congratulations !
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Post by workingonit on Sept 3, 2018 21:53:17 GMT -5
When do we get to know who it is??? Curious minds are wondering... ๐ Haha workingonit my sweet, handsome, sexy man is tirefire. Lucky couple! So happy for you both!
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Post by solodriver on Sept 3, 2018 22:31:19 GMT -5
When do we get to know who it is??? Curious minds are wondering... ๐ Haha workingonit my sweet, handsome, sexy man is tirefire . I'm very happy for you and him.
Like shamwow and ballofconfusion maybe you and/or he can share with us your experiences sometime. How long, how far away you live from each other and how often can you get together? Do you travel to him or does he travel to you or do you meet at a mutually agreed upon place.
Like with shamwow and ballofconfusion and others, to me, these stories are just fun and great to read about and gives hope for those of us who are exiting to see the possibilities that are out there waiting.
Hugs and cheers to you both!
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Post by tirefire on Sept 5, 2018 21:34:11 GMT -5
When do we get to know who it is??? Curious minds are wondering... ๐ Haha workingonit my sweet, handsome, sexy man is tirefire. And my sweet, sexy, adorable woman is choosinghappy. I'm still getting the house ready for a sale so w and I can complete the separation. So. Much. Work. And it is all worth it. In hindsight now I realize how truly unhappy I was for so many years. What I've had was a broken marriage between incompatible people that, as a result, was sexless. For anyone that is in the earlier stages of this mess, let me tell you what you have to look forward to. I wake every morning and think about the wonderful woman in my life and how many days until I can see her again. I am smiling all the time because she's awesome! And I'm so driven to get my old home life sorted out and filed away so that the new wonderful life can flourish. When I'm at the gym, there are a lot of mirrors and I often notice myself smiling because I think about her a lot while I'm there. So to summarize, pull a Nike and just do it. Pull the plug on that old mess and see where life takes you and who you find to spend it with.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 5, 2018 22:13:33 GMT -5
When do we get to know who it is??? Curious minds are wondering... ๐ Haha workingonit my sweet, handsome, sexy man is tirefire. ballofconfusion had already guessed. Congrats to both of you!
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Sept 5, 2018 22:49:45 GMT -5
Wow! That is so exciting! How incredible for both of you! I guess I picked a great time to come back to the site. My last log on was about a year ago but I just felt like I should log on again and I'm really glad I did. Two more people escape their sexless marriages. Woo! Hoo!
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